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Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Taking control: How to identify a skewed compromise in contract relationship!


Compromise is finding a middle ground where both parties in a contract relationship feel that their respective views are represented. It is a means through which a couple sustains a newly formed and agreeable environment.
A contract relationship refers to a marriage because both parties have agreed to a life-time relationship regardless of any conditions that may occur in their lives.  That is a serious contract!  This denotes that two strangers have considered a list of factors and agreed with most of them.  It also means they have discussed those that were not simple to understand and consciously regarded them as tolerable.  However, a person in love tends to tick most of unclear factors as tolerable until the hype wanes off and the reality sets in. 
Societal norms are sustained through informal education. Social roles are those chores that you have been socialized to do as a male or female person.  Traditionally, a male child would be encouraged to play outside with his toys which in most cases are cars and guns. In the case of female child, it would be toy-babies.  A male adolescent would hang-out with his father to look after the animals and plant food at the fields or garden.  A female adolescent would be indoors with the mother learning the housework including cooking.  Modernization has bridged the gap; both must learn how to clean the house and cook as soon as they prepare to leave home to join institutions of higher learning.  Strangely, males would do this until they get married.  Immediately they tie the knot, a man becomes the master of the newly formed homestead and the woman continues with all that has been taught! Why?  Join me to draw the pointers of skewed compromise in small matters:
1.    Were social roles included in the list of important subjects? I doubt if they were considered important.  They would come into play when both have full time jobs and arrive home at different times.  This matter would soon be the cause of a somber mood, silent resentment and then boom! A full and bitter war of words would be ignited! In Christian marriage, a woman would remember to submit under the husband and restrain from any expressed bitterness.  She would also remember that she must not let the sun go down with her anger! At this stage, the issue of social roles would revert to tradition. The woman would have to do her social chores hundred percent regardless of her career schedule and attending to her husband’s needs!
2.    Did we clarify the dress code? The answer is no!  Such matters were not important.  Discussions centered on having certain number of children, and how they would be raised if you are a Christian couple. If not, you did not agree on the church you would go to and whether you would allow your children to freely roam about and experience anything that is considered cool. The matter would surface when your teenager show up with a tattoos and a ring on the nose.  I wonder which party would compromise in the name of peace!
3.    Did we explain accountability? Hurriedly! In few words you were made to understand the importance of communication during counseling and have never really discussed what you would do with your income. So now that you want to build a house, you need to budget and account for all expenses. Such change of financial freedom would likely stir the romance!

Compromise is skewed when it applies to one party under the banner of submission.  Compromise may hide the controlling spirit which usually steals the joy in one party; then creep into the relationship to destroy the Creator equation which says man must love his wife and she must submit.  Ultimately compromise could kill the marriage and destroy that which was meant to transcend the grave.  Do consider these matters and talk about them; you would rather delay tying the knot than overlooking the issues of skewed compromise!