Create-a-new life!

Monday, 30 May 2016

Taking control: You are a custodian of your optimal life!

Optimal life starts with parental guide and access to resources;
most importantly self as a core contributor
of success!

Almost all of us point someone or something for not accessing the best in life. This could be true for a while in reference to ideal parental care and access to money and other resources.  As an adult, every person is a custodian of chosen optimal life.

Your life is your project!
It is fair to regard your day-one at schools as the start of your critical path that is so designed to take the shortest route to your optimal life. This means at a very early age, your level of determination says volumes regarding your accountability of your life. It says you must be aware that unlike other project where you design activities around specific time, it is not so with your life. For practical purpose, it is ideal to assume that the human life span is seventy years; all phases of your life therefore must be contained in this period as follows:

1.    A big picture of what you want: A general aim towards a specific destination will enable you to segment your life into phases in order to set up objectives and tasks for each phase.
2.    Access to resources: The fist important resource is you; your determination and passion to finish the first step that will usher you into your chosen career.
3.    Progress reports: Journaling all activities helps you to measure your momentum. Be objective and you will accurately record your successes and failures.
4.    Evaluation of the first phase: Like the real project, the first phase set a trend and it is important to work towards its success. Without your successful completion of your basic course, every other phases of your planned optimal life would be skewed. This first phase  will determine other phases:

a)   Graduating from parental care: Your ultimate goal of social progression is being an independent young adult. Move out of home and practice being a whole person.
b)   Spiritual growth: Your learning phase must have highlighted the real you and the importance of finding your feet from the spiritual point of view.
c)    Ultimate social progress: While you have been dating without purpose, at this stage it is important to have a goal. If you have a job and you are living alone away from parental care and monitoring, it means you are ready to share your life with someone if this is your chosen life; having fully searched your mind about the type of spouse you are looking for.
These three phases apply to most people hence my reason for regarding them as normal phases of your project – your optimal life.

Contributors of your optimum life!
Most people include happiness as an ultimate goal of life. So who is responsible for providing optimal life regarding happiness? The mentioned achievements portray a road-map of the results of your own plan and efforts. You became successful because you focused on you being the main contributor of your success! You exerted your study efforts regardless of challenges; and you won. In other words all power is within you to relentlessly soar above any storm. To keep your momentum of winning, you need to consider and take a clear stand of your goals and affirm your purposeful living as expressly indicated in these affirmations statements:

1.    I love myself and am capable of achieving any goal that is based on my identified strengths.
2.    I trust my judgment and will not allow any person to short-circuit my plans.
3.    I am the only one who knows what I want and will seek professional support to achieve it.
4.    I will blame no one for my failure because I want to regard them as learning curves necessary to usher me into my optimal life!

Taking control of your life is looking within to find all answers that point to your optimal life. The common trap is blaming circumstances for not attaining your identified goals. When you look to self to get where you want to be, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you still believe in the old school of self-hate. This says, temporary failures must be regarded as important pointers that show you inner issues that you must weed out to allow social and spiritual growth.   

Tuesday, 24 May 2016

Taking control: Is there a right time to move on after divorce?

Your life follows you! You can prolong your pain or shake off the
negative energy and move on!

Break-up of a marriage bond is termination of emotional and all other privileges between two parties.  It is a traumatic experience to both parties because both had invested trust in disclosing personal and confidential information, financial and social activities during their intimacy.

Emotional impact of a divorce
Emotional impact of a divorce is associated with both emotional and physical illness. It is so because the brain creates a physical response by every word a person says. The break-up of this social hallmark is so important that the impact becomes overwhelming on the body, mind and spirit as follows:
1.    Severe stress: The breaking up could be a long process during which the body produces stress hormones. The continued secretion will result in blood pressure and elevated heart rate.
2.    Poor level of sleep: The presence of stress hormones in the body will affect sleep patterns. It has been established that stress causes lack of sleep which in turn increase the stress level.
3.    Negative impact on immune system: The two conditions mentioned will result in lowered immune system which is a window of opportunistic illnesses.
4.    Onset of depression and anxiety: When the body is so compromised in its defense, depression kicks in and further creates a general crisis in the body.
5.    Identity confusion: Marriage is a social institution which officiate a change of identity and an exit into a new realm of social classification.  Divorce ruins this societal recognition and renders a person a failure in maintaining the societal position.
6.    Digestive system issues: Stress hormones cause the digestive system issues such as gas and other discomfort.
7.    Weight problem: Stress causes a graving for sugar, fat and salt; all of which lead to weight gain.

Separation of parents affect children!
Go an extra mile in spending quality time with them! 
Moving on after a divorce!
When is the right time for moving on after a break-up? There is no specific time which could be said to be reasonable to close the door on the broken intimate relationship. The time factor is dependent upon:
1.    The strength of the bond which the parties shared.
2.    The individuality of each party pertaining to the subject in question such as the importance of the timeline of each party’s personal goals. For an example; if one of the root cause of the break-up is incompatibility of personal goals, such a party would still look at the time factor in deciding to move on with finding a suitable partner that will support identified goals.
3.    The level of emotional intelligence in processing the break-up.  One party could be skilled in finding peace with a break-up hence spend a relatively short period to bounce back into full social life. Another party could be fragile and unable to let-go; hence would indulge in self-pity longer before summoning enough confidence to face the opposite gender for intimate relationship.
4.    Depending on what transpired during the relationship, ladies often spend longer time licking their emotional wounds. Some get fixated in some of the experiences encountered in the ruined relationship and become unable to move on. Such deep emotional trauma could be devastating and may require professional attention.

Taking control of your life after experiencing divorce denotes being aware of the impact of the separation and ability to take appropriate remedial measures.  The period for moving on is subjective and individuals must refrain from fearing what people would say if they meet new partner sooner after the divorce. It could mean that moving on from the crossroad of hurt is the best route of stepping into a new future and happiness. 

Monday, 16 May 2016

Taking control: Arrogant attitude destroys relationships!

Arrogant partner controls and is unable to share love or give attention to anyone but self!
All relationships thrive in love, empathy and moderate humility. Arrogance depletes other people’s energy and makes it hard to listen with interest or objectivity. A victim would experience overbearing superiority and would not attempt to pursue another encounter or seek a closer relationship.

Arrogant attitude defined!
Arrogant attitude denotes overly display of confidence which in essence is insecurity and various esteem issues. It is being conceited about self and is often associated with a defense mechanism behavior. Arrogant attitude is fluffing one’s feathers and exaggerating on personal attributes and achievements.

Symptoms of arrogance
How do you identify an arrogant person? Often arrogant people are not aware that they display overwhelming confidence and love of self in a way that ruin interaction with others. Here is how you can identify symptoms of arrogance:
1.    Being cold and detached.
2.    Regard self as always right and more gifted than others.
3.    Always disregard others inputs as inferior.
4.    Frequent critiquing others opinions or work and correcting their ideas.
5.    Regard self and ideas as better than others.

The impact of arrogant attitude in relationships
Arrogant person self-destruct in the sense that the attempt to overplay self lowers other people respect as follows:
1.    In a family setting: An arrogant sibling cannot be close to others because it is a constant comparison of quantity or quality of everything and never appreciating what others have done. Such self-elevation causes animosity between siblings and a permanent gap in later life.
2.    In a romantic relationship: Arrogance goes hand in hand with controlling behavior. An arrogant person would seek low profile persons who would not question anything but would submit or enjoy being at the background.  For an example an arrogant male will attract ladies who want and seek safety from a man who dictates over everything under the guise of knowing it all. An arrogant lady on the other hand is a turn-off for most male companion because of the tendency to draw attention regardless of the setting.

How to overcome arrogant attitude
The most effective approach to unlearn undesirable behavior is identifying and   acknowledging that particular behavior as needing modification. The second step is to have a clear goal of developing humility and openness to overcome arrogant attitude as follows:
1.    Be aware of the need to be in the spot light and take conscious decision and action not to comply with that need.
2.    Learn to listen whenever a person talks and ask questions and not express own view.
3.    Share achievements with others and allow them to express their own views.
4.    Avoid correcting others unless permission has been granted. For an example if you are making your own contribution in a meeting or conference, do so without correcting others; leave that to whoever is chairing the forum.
5.    Ask a friend to give you a feedback regarding your behavior towards others; how you interacted with others and allow them to be themselves around you. 

Arrogant attitude is a symptom of esteem issues and is a thorn in all types of relationships. Since it is a form of a behavior defense mechanism, it can be unlearned with therapy. Those suffering from it cannot have successful relationships because they lose credibility and respect of others due to their exaggeration of their capabilities.

Thursday, 5 May 2016

Taking control: How to restore your confidence in pursuing your goal!

All three comes from within and are components of your goals!

It takes decisive effort to confront your limitations which hamper your success in attaining your identified goal in one or all of the three categories – health, relationships and wealth. Restoring confidence therefore depends on your attitude, knowledge of self and experience.

What is a confidence?
Confidence is a personal strong belief in your ability to live an optimal life by achieving identified goals in your prioritized list of needs.

When do you need to restore your confidence?
Success in attaining goals is time-bound and therefore measurable.  This is why it is important to set your goals within specific period so that at the end of that period you could measure key variables that inform your success or failure.  Unqualified failure will create a feeling of despair and onset of negative attitude towards life in general.  Failure when assessed objectively will be a stepping stone that ushers you into healthy introspection and ultimately motivates you to go back to your planning board where you will objectively review the nature of your goals with a purpose to fill identified gaps. Restoring your confidence therefore is a process of evaluation of all factors that contributed to the success or failure of the identified goal.

How to restore your confidence
When you are not fully present, meaning conscious of your internal conversation, you will allow
Any focused energy will produce results...
your ego to carry you into despair following failure to achieve an identified goal.  For an example, you could have planned to find a life partner immediately you finished your doctorate study. You may find someone who dumps you after two years. Then you may find another who has no time sensitive goal of starting a family. If you are watching your biological clock, you will obviously become anxious and the prospect of dumping that one and finding yet another person could be a daunting challenge. At this point you could pause and lick your emotional wounds and evaluate the nature of your objective as follows:

1.    Do not indulge in self-pity: Confidence is like muscles; if you do not use it, it withers and dies. To avoid void or hasty options, you may increase your knowledge in the field of your goal. You will likely come across relevant information that will address the gaps in your failed efforts.
2.    Understand what failure means: In simple terms, failure is the result of lesson learned with pain of loss of resources. It is associated with the loss of lime, money and most importantly the feeling of disappointment in self.  
3.    Revisit your evaluation record: Journaling all daily tasks during execution of your goal will provide a much needed information of strategies you took which could assist you to identify where you made errors. Highlight the errors and do not judge yourself.
4.    Make it impossible to quit: If you view the loss of time from a different perspective and in reference to accumulated information, it will be impossible to feel the loss. Instead you could regard it as an opportunity to know both good and bad contributors of your failure that qualifies you to boldly coach someone; let the first someone be you.
5.    Build momentum: Anything you focus on will bring results. This means that after empowering yourself further with information and skill you require to start from a better perspective, you will feel your motivation growing. Let me explain: You brains do not know the truth; any image plus supportive emotions you allow and entertain consistently will become the truth for you. For an example, if on the basis of fresh relevant information you belief that you are wiser from your failure and the experience have exposed you to success, you will indeed succeed. This means purposefully getting excited about your small daily wins.

Restoring your confidence has a lot to do with tricking your mind; refusing to allow despair to enter it.  It is advisable to be fully aware of your internal conversation because that are gateways that allow doubt and fear to creep in; thus delaying you to bounce back into purposeful action towards your goals.  Knowledge will always contribute to higher level of motivation and increase your scope of operation towards your identified goal. It requires the now factor; that only now can you change your past and influence your future prospects of upward mobility.