Create-a-new life!

Saturday, 23 July 2016

Taking control: How to monitor your starting over goals!

Are you at cross-roads? It is time to think about your
 deep needs for happiness?

Starting-over goal is a clear statement of purpose which requires coordination of tasks and resources towards its achievement. Often goals are slowed down or derailed by internal and or external factors. It is therefore prudent to closely monitor tasks and the level of motivation to maintain desired progress.

The rationale for starting-over goals!
Starting over goals attempt to correct the failed previous ones.  Most people create new goals at the beginning of the year or anytime they encounter failed relationships, death of significant ones, or disability due to accidents or a failed project. Others may originate from evaluation of current ones which may require reinforcement following enlargement of the operational scope. The aim of creating starting over goal is to consciously let go the failed one and purposely redirect the whole resources to a new assignment.

Underlying reasons for evaluation of the stating-over goals!
Evaluation of the starting over goals denotes close monitoring and assessment of success factors and smooth upward mobility towards the target.  Life is dynamic and every situation either supports or creates hurdles for the established goals. For instance, it could be that a divorcee is all charged up and eager to let go of the painful separation and divorce and wants to qualify for a promotion for higher position. Distraction, even if is it is not negative, could derail self-empowerment goal. It is therefore important to reach within self and consider the inner environment as follows:

1.   Impact of change: Asking yourself questions always force you to be objective in evaluating your commitment to the established need. For an example, is your goal still the priority? The reason for such a question is to establish if the motivation for a particular goal is still relevant and require investment of all your resources.   
2.   Painful incidents: Often painful incidentals could force you to shift the
Your attitude in deciding to start-over
 will determine your altitude
focus elsewhere. When something like death of the loved ones occurs, it could derail some of your plans and divert resources to that tragedy. It is wise to respond to incidents and not react. The latter always create gaps which derail goals.
3.   Discipline in daily monitoring of progress: Set a specific time to monitor progress and success on daily sub-tasks. The ideal time for me is in the evening in order that I can go to sleep with clear schedule for the following day. It also sends me to sleep with a good emotion.
4.   Quantify progress: Quantifiable tasks help you to see the momentum towards the goal. For an example, if I want to learn general transcription, it is helpful to clarify the current position – to improve my typing speed from forty words per minute to fifty in two months. This I can measure and increase the scope of subtasks towards this goal.

Setting starting-over goals is the most positive way of letting go the previous and current painful experience and move forward. Short and long-term starting-over goals are affected by daily incidents and it is important to not lose sight of the target date by allowing procrastination. It is ideal to have a close friend or a professional life coach to assist you make start-over goals to avoid common traps like setting goals that are purely motivated by emotional reaction to painful experiences. Discipline plays an important role in ensuring that established tasks are done and recorded. This will not only keep desired momentum, but will empower you to change how you make decisions and manage all your resources effectively. 

Wednesday, 13 July 2016

Taking control: 3 steps to explore in new romantic relationships!

A new romantic relationship is a journey of discovery of true self
 and of the other person....!
New romantic relationships are challenging and often cause significant anxiety to both partners. The process of getting to know each other has a lot of unspoken expectations. Both parties tend to project their best behavior and reservations pertaining to disclosure to personal information.

Risk factors in new relationships!
The risk factor is the cause for anxiety in new intimate relationship. The common one is an uncertainty in the ability to determine how to handle the pace of intimacy without sending mixed signals regarding the level of interest and intention to commit to the natural development of relationship in the early dating phase.  From the female point of view, it is important not to lead a new relationship into a level of investing too much within a short period; this is normally uncomfortable situation with most ladies.  In this era of cutting corners men are always in a hurry to get to the physical intimacy before emotional one. This is a scary part because there are people who are not interested in commitment but seek fun while it lasts.

3 steps to explore in new romantic relationships!
Some romantic relationships develop over a period of knowing a person and establishing trust. Sometimes the relationship is a reaction of explosive passionate attraction wherein the two parties are drawn by this natural force between themselves and work backward in developing trust. We pick three steps as critical in enhancing a romantic relationship momentum to other levels of intimacy:
Letting love work its miracle of transformation
is allowing another person
to be free to love you as is....! 
1.   Communication: There can be no relationship without mutual bond of interest leading to the development of love; which in itself is the form of communication. The challenge starts with expectation of what to communicate and the anxiety of being careful or overzealous in expressing such expectations. For an example, new relationships are characterized by over-communication of feelings; this is the necessary strong bond which maintains the level of attraction to bond the couple to be able to disclose personal needs and expectations. Most ladies get discouraged if communication is less than expected. Men on the other hand may feel they must restrain their need to call or text several times a day for fear of ruining the relationship. The best approach is being genuinely natural!
2.   Personal attributes: The careful selection of words when communicating during the initial phase of romantic relationship delays the getting-to-know-each other phase significantly. Both parties may fake certain behaviors, which consequently do not reveal the natural ones. The likes and dislikes of certain personal attributes are affirmed or disproved over a period and often violate hard-earned trust. If you are looking for someone you can change, reverse that thought to whether you would want anyone to change your values!
3.   Personal values: When dating people first meet, they pick on certain cues which inform them of other habits. Sometimes such discovery could reinforce the interest or lower the passion to pursue the relationship. For an example, one lady from township was highly excited to be asked on a date by middle class executive who drove a new Benz car. They ordered the T-bone at the expensive restaurant and started eating. The gentleman struggles with the knife until he put it aside and used his hands. To the lady’s dismay he licked all five fingers and seems to be at ease with that behavior. The lady was shocked and could not wait to get out of the restaurant!  She felt embarrassed and was clear that she cannot pursue a relationship with that man. Values are important because they set parameters within which to interact with self and others.

Taking control is a conscious decision to be proactive in designing your life and packaging your lifestyle to be satisfying. The challenge comes in finding someone to share your ideal life with. This is where most of us attempt to compromise, only to live a miserable or develop resentment towards a partner. It is ideal to sell genuine self because you are also looking for a genuine person to share your life with! The truth will always set you free!   


Monday, 4 July 2016

Taking control: How to maintain trendy lifestyle in marriage!

Dress for him.....dress for her....!

Trendy lifestyle is often ignored; yet it is an important factor in maintaining the desirable positive energy in marriage. Tying the knot does not mean the couple can then throw away trendy grooming and intimate fun-times and communication away. The latter informs their mutual desire to keep the fire of love burning into their old age.

Trendy lifestyle defined!
In this context trendy lifestyle denotes maintaining that which the couple used to be to each other before they got married. Couples tend to lose interest in each other because their lifestyle changes after tying the knot. This punches holes in their romantic relationship by changing their attention for fashionable dress code, entertainment, planning the private time and toning down intimate communication.

How to maintain trendy lifestyle in marriage!
Treat your marriage like a garden! It will look beautiful and gives you pleasant feelings because you worked on it. Here is how you can maintain a trendy lifestyle:
1.   Grooming: Ladies! Please remember that generally men like beautiful well groomed ladies.  Do not compromise when it comes to:
a)   Maintaining your fitness: Find out which exercises will keep your body firm. This includes food supplement like calcium, Vitamin C and Omega 3.
b)   Routine dental check-up. Do not chase him away with foul breath.
c)    Buy acceptable fashionable clothes: This means you go shopping together.

Doing your activities together
 will keep you together!
2.    Maintain Healthy communication: Communicate your plans so that you can converge your activities. Doing things together will keep you together:
a)   Verbal communication: Ladies! Express your appreciation of your spouse whenever he does dishes, do laundry or polish your shoes! Words are creative and this is why couples are advised to say something positive to each other the first thing when you wake up or meet after a daily temporary absence from each other. Romantic words can keep both of you excited throughout the day and motivate you to plan a great evening!
b)   Non-verbal communication: It is wise to read non-verbal cues which may indicates that your spouse is a little moody. Give him or her some space! It could be that he or she is planning how to tell you something serious or important!

3.   Code of conduct: Make your spouse a priority! This means that she or he comes first when you make decisions that affect your life and resources:
a)   Plan your entertainment together. Eating out sparks some romance because both can leave house chores and pay attention to each other.
b)   Celebrate each other: Establish a tradition of exchanging gifts for birthdays and wedding anniversaries – parents and yours.
c)    Address each other respectfully though intimately.
d)   Marriage is an institution of secrecy! This means private information and actions must remain so! Never discuss your spouse with your friends!
e)   Keep romance alive! Remember marriage require your conscious attention to keep it alive in all respects.

Marriage is meant to be a secure partnership of romantic relationship. Whenever one spouse gets bored and starts becoming unfaithful, it means one or both have stopped working on it to keep the romantic fire burning as the relationship matures. The common mistake is to stop exploring each partner’s changing needs. Nothing stays the same, and so is managing a romantic relationship! Ladies tend to lower their trendy dress code and entertainment; thus contribute in punching holes by stopping to exude romantic vibrations. Only life fish swims up the stream! Couples must therefore continually work on keeping the romantic fire burning!