Create-a-new life!

Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Taking control: The secret of starting over!


Starting over is a personal mission; one which requires
objective assessment of previous failures...! 

Starting over denotes a conscious decision to repeat something after acknowledging undesirable results. It includes objective analysis of factors used and identification of flaws and their root cause. It is a process of identifying the right key to open and access the given strengths meant to enable each person to reach optimal life.

The secret of starting over!
Repeated failure to obtain desirable results occurs when a person is unable to identify the root cause of such failure. This phenomenon has been associated with deep rooted issues of socialization which manifest as beliefs or values; thus subconsciously influencing behavior and decision making. What is a motivating factor for a person to start-over? Let us consider the three aspects which most people seek to attain optimal life:

1.   Seeking gratifying relationships: When you realize a repeated conflict with different persons; normally you will pause and ask yourself questions! The first one could be; how did the conflict start? The secret of starting over is responding to such questions objectively. Only when you start with self and truly search your deepest thoughts, feelings and your words to self and others will you identify your part in the problem. Starting over often delays when a person blames the root cause exclusively towards others.  In principle you will not change that which you have not identified as a problem. The solution is to embrace the responsibility to correct whatever hinders you to attain sustainable success in managing relationships. Only when you persistently seek success in developing behavior that is conducive to attracting others will you know if the solution is within the scope of your level of knowledge and or skill. Because you can only change you, it is prudent that you seek professional
Positive self-talk is a fuel for
 launching starting over! 
assistance to effectively empower yourself towards the desired change.

2.   Pursuing financial success: Most of us get caught in the dilemma of blaming the lack of current government policies towards jobs creation.  Yes, supportive policies could make economic climate favorable; nonetheless, the solution is said to be within each person for any situation. The best approach in the process of starting-over could be to pause and analyze if you have selected a career that aligns to your given strengths. From the spiritual point of view every person has a natural gift that is meant to be a catalyst in accessing wealth. Most people get to know about this fact after they graduate from school when they do not enjoy the job or fail to perform satisfactorily. Such truth says there is a need to start over. The exercise may require you to research on the contributing factors of some of your flaws for the purpose of understanding what to weed out or how to empower yourself in order to start-over.

3.   Attaining optimal health: It is said that statistically most people decide to start-over after near death experiences caused by lifestyle associated with poor diet. We are what we eat or do not eat. In principle food plays significant role in sustaining optimal health. With the abundance of freedom to choose from wide variety of food, most people do not have adequate information on the role of different food types nor pay attention why they experience minor discomfort like bloating, constipation, hurt-burn and other digestive system discomfort. Some react to overweight but are not aware of the contributing factors. Starting over on health related issues denotes acquiring information and positioning self for change.  Knowledge is power! For an example, the issue of blood type has raised awareness following observable results of people responding differently to a medical treatment of the same health condition. This affirms the need to research on the fact that some food support life while others contribute to illness.

The secret of starting-over is to examine the level of achievement in relationships, financial success and the good health. The process of starting over requires objective analysis of the underlying reasons for failure in a particular area. Starting over is giving yourself a new lease of life without condemning yourself. It is a fresh start to work towards success and systematically weeding out undesirable behavior and hurdles that retards efforts for success. Starting over is taking control of your life and unlearning bad habits to maintain upward mobility and moving from the cross-roads.    


Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Taking control: How the New Year impacts on your personal goals!

You can choose to shut the door of the past failure and persevere in
finding that which you want...!

A New Year is globally recognized as the period which marks the end of the twelve month period wherein individuals reflect and evaluate the success and failures of their identified goals. A New Year encourages most people to measure how they utilized their resources.

 The rationale for evaluating personal goals before the New Year
Success and failure are determined by objective evaluation of the quality and quantity of resources acquired and expended over the period of twelve months. The New Year demarcates time and creates an important measuring tool through which one can shut the door and call it past and exit into another phase with hope for improved approach towards identified and desired goals. It also offers a time of refreshing and repositioning which enables individuals to weed out clutters and destructive habits which impact on such goals negatively.

How to evaluate personal goals for the New Year!
Any assignment you engage in requires evaluation to determine the success or failure. Life has four major components which normally drive people’s conscious and unconscious efforts towards meeting needs and wants. The New Year is globally identified as very important from personal and business point of view to determine how individuals impact self first and others in various social institutions and as a member of the wider world as follows:
1.    Self as a private entity: Helpful cues in evaluating successes and failures as you exit into the New Year include the following direct open questions:

a)   Did I achieve optimal life in relationships? Assessing the level of harmony and intimacy on the scale of 10 from self point of view, noting that change occurs only when you change. Success is determined by your conscious efforts on how you approach others. Do you seek to control or allow others to be as they are?
b)   Did I attain financial growth? Assessing the results of your efforts in acquiring money and other valuable assets that build wealth.
c)    Did I maintain healthy lifestyle? Did you maintain your current good health goals? Were you diagnosed with new illnesses? Did you improve habits that impacted on your health negatively?  
d)   Did I empower myself in a particular field of interest? Learning is a need that transcends the grave. As long as you live, it is mandatory to improve on the knowledge and skill necessary to attained desired goals.  So, what did you learn last year which will improve your New Year goals this year pertaining to one or all of the above three categories of life?

The biggest achievement is knowing that you are
 unique and only you know what you want!
2.    Self as part of the community and the world at large: Success is most acknowledged and satisfying to self when it impacts others. It can enable you to effectively influence others to emulate and improve on your own experiences of how you attain success directly or indirectly.  Ask yourself; Who in the wide world have I shared my knowledge or skill with that brought positive change between last and this New Year? Here we are referring to people you met at class, work, sports, church, community and the world at large. For example, whenever you post an article in your blog, website or social media page, you are surely affecting someone.  It is therefore noteworthy to consider how you may share your special gifts with others through writing, music, artifacts and any invention.

The self assessment exercise prior to the New Year denotes serious examination of the results of your life. It is an intentional search for evidence of success and failures in attaining established goals. Psychologically as you age, you also get fulfillment in realizing your fruitfulness in your given social and spiritual gifts. The evaluation enables a person to reflect and reposition self to attain better result within the next twelve months. This exercise could be so revealing that it allows you to be inspired by others successes too. On the other hand, others totally lose hope when they fail to attain their goals. Those who respond to failure positively, see it as a temporary setback requiring review of the strategy, information, special skills or seeking professional help like coaching to ensure that someone is there to cheer all the way in conquering challenging situations towards their identified goals.




Tuesday, 8 November 2016

Taking control: Self-condemnation is a hurdle you must overcome!

Socializing a child is like building a house;
 the one with deep foundation to withstand challenges...!

Self-condemnation is unconscious pointing of own flaws. It is declaration of lack of love to self through negative thoughts, feelings, words and actions. The latter is often verbalized as bad luck; the manifestation of defense mechanism wherein a person exudes such a negative energy that he or she attracts strife and stir conflict in others.

The possible contributors of self-condemnation!
Physical burden is better than emotional
one. Do you have one...?
A person is born with biological traits from both parents and ancestors. Most of the overt behavior is the result of the informal learning process and accumulation of information through all sensual ports from zero years throughout developmental stages. These become values and beliefs which influence how individuals interpret their personal world. Self-condemnation is explained as accumulative inputting of negative energy as follows:
1.   Critical parenting: Inherently every infant thrives on parental love and care. All children are fast active learners. In other words, a child repeats every word he or she hears and emulate all behaviors. This means whenever the critical parent verbalize disapproval with a negative words instead of positive ones, those words will eventually be understood to mean something and will be acted out.
2.   Childhood labels: All actions start from the thought and transformed into feelings before they are acted out. The function of the brain is to process information – good and bad- and file it accordingly. Because parents are important source of livelihood and accumulation of information and skills, their words and actions are regarded as important and therefore stored carefully.
3.   Shame: A child is a full person with little experience. This means a child is happy when praised and discern disapproval accordingly. Because of little experience, a child is unable to accurately interpret negative approach to correction of unpleasant behavior. The accumulation of negative approach from the beloved parent becomes a shame and is likely to manifest throughout life in various negative self-talk otherwise termed self-condemnation.
4.   Gilt: According to Dr. Jeanette, the renowned Holistic Psychologist, “guilt is the worst experience known to human.” Why? Because it is toxic and transforms a person’s regard of self-worth; thus significantly contributing to self-condemnation.
5.   Low self-esteem: It is the ultimate result of poor parenting wherein a child carried wrong message about self and concentrate on weaknesses rather than inborn strengths and acquired skills. Self-condemnation is expressed through negative pointing of own flaws and of others. It is inability to see the white wall but the small spot on the white wall.

How to cut the anchor of self-condemnation!
Anything that you focus your attention on will respond favorably. Cutting negative self-talk and
Loving self will heal emotional wounds! 
condemnation should be regarded as a number one task to achieve in order to experience optimal life. Here is how you can reconfigure your mind to embrace yourself as worthy of your love and of others:
1.    Become conscious of how you feel about yourself.  Ask; do I love myself? What ten things can I identify and list as evidence that I love myself?
2.    Make decision to grow the list daily: As you focus on your strengths you will discover a new-you. Also list your weaknesses. The reason for identifying your weaknesses is not to feel hurt if someone chose to hurl them at you.
3.    Write your own affirmation: Repeat these affirmations just before you sleep and chose your favorite statement which you will utter aloud to yourself the first moment when you wake up and throughout the day. Mine is; “the grace of the Lord is enough to overcome any challenge!”
4.    Prohibit self-condemning thoughts: Consciously declare that negative self-talk is not allowed in your thoughts, heart and mouth. The key is; anything that you allow to stay in your conscious mind several minutes is regarded as important and will be filed carefully. So discard any negative thought as soon as it emerges.
5.    Be sensitive to your feelings: You can immediately tell when you have offended yourself or others. Apologize and do not allow guilt to dwell in your mind. Remember your mind is inherently the devil’s playground. So, do not entertain self-condemnation in any form!
6.    Use time profitably: If for some reason you are not able to sleep and find yourself indulging in those unfruitful thoughts, sit up and search for things you have not discovered about yourself.  Alternatively find a game to constructively spend wakeful hours for your gain! Games build your mind and delay forgetfulness as you age!
7.    Negative experiences are stepping stones: Regard those negative moments in your life as stepping stones that helped you to cross the rivers of challenges; thus enabling you to give yourself a pat on the shoulder for rising above the storms of life.

You take control of your life when you do not dwell in the negative box and entertain self-condemning thoughts. You take charge of your life when you systematically embrace yourself and sincerely learn to be grateful for the hard work of reconfiguring your mind to be transformed from being a worm and becoming a butterfly; free from self-condemnation and beautiful, exploring life unreservedly!



Monday, 10 October 2016

Taking control: How to spring-clean your mind!


Quieting the mind is a conscious effort to allow quality informations only!

The natural function of the mind is to process and store all information. Periodically a store requires spring-cleaning which is the activity of emptying it, tidying and re-organizing the contents with intention to remove clutter and create space for new things. The mind requires this exercise from time to time.

The rationale for spring-cleaning the mind!
The mind automatically classifies information and store. Life is dynamic and requires conscious effort to adapt to changes or develop coping mechanism. You have accumulated every life experience through your five senses, thoughts and feelings. Most of the information therefore became essential components of your beliefs and values which contributed to emotional hurdles and impacted on your social, spiritual, and emotional make-up. Spring-cleaning your mind is an audit exercise which intends to evaluate and correct your thinking system; thus weeding out false information you acquired during socialization process.

How to spring-clean your mind!
The following are recommended step of spring-cleaning your mind:
1.   Be conscious of the state of your mind because you can only effectively change what you identify as undesirable.
2.   Plan the exercise – the day and environments. Ensure that you do not get any disturbance.
3.   Start with fasting from food and further unconscious gathering of information such as watching the television. Quiet your mind.
4.   Select a comfortable space and position where you have a pen, paper, pair of scissors and a trash basket.
5.   Cut the minimum of ten pieces of paper and write any of the habits,
A lesson only you can decide to embrace...!
beliefs and values that require auditing. Example; anger, resentment, sadness, jealousy, laziness, procrastination, low self esteem, overeating,  Unforgiveness, etc  
6.   Take each piece and establish why you qualified yourself that way. Here you want to bring to your consciousness motivating thoughts, feeling and practice which you regard as unfavorable to you. For an example, procrastination could have cost you many unfinished projects which could have improved your profile.
7.   Take each piece of paper and tear it as you express your affirmation in changing the written flaw.
8.   After finishing the tearing of the things you consciously listed and established as undesirable to you, close your eyes and allow the closing of the ugly chapter to sink; searching your inner space as you breath-in deeply and expelling any remnants of bad energy that fed them.  
9.   Look at your physical environment; are you happy with accumulation of old clothes, household appliances that you do not use? Get up and put them in boxes to give them away as soon as possible.
10. Look at yourself; are you happy with your weight, hairstyle, dull complexion and sluggish feeling? Go to the mirror and declare what you want as if you have already achieved it regarding your ideal image. It is positioning yourself for expectation of magnificent outcomes. It is developing motivation to achieve that which you want by expressing your gratitude before you embark on creating the new-you!
11. Reward yourself with a long shower or bubble bath. Water has amazing capability to cleanse you physically, emotionally and spiritually. Express your gratitude throughout the cleansing process.
12. Prepare a light meal and eat slowly for the first time; appreciating a new and consciousness you have adopted to create your optimal life. Remember you are starting a new chapter of paying attention to details.
13. Sit down with a clean writing pad and label your goal-setting session with capital letters – ‘I am taking control of my life!’ Write your SMART new goals.
14. Conclude the exercise with thanks-giving meditation. This denotes reading your new goals and finishing each sentence with a word of gratitude – Example: ‘Thank you Lord for giving me another chance to become a whole person!’
Taking control of your life denotes exactly that. It is embarking on the process of conscious change of things that limit your ability to become successful in your given strengths. This exercise has liberated other people who engaged in it to burn bridges; never to go back and indulge in unfruitful accumulation of information that cluttered their minds. You owe it to yourself to change your life intentionally from your thoughts, feelings and actions.
  




Have you ever wondered the underlying reasons why we become forgetful over a period of our lives?

Saturday, 24 September 2016

Taking Control: How to heal breaking romantic relationship!


Address issues with love and respect....
Remember you love each other!!!

A romantic relationship is like a garden; left unattended, weeds will grow, ruin the beauty and stifle or kill the planted seeds. It requires love, work and patience to thrive and bond the two parties to experience blissful quality time together.

How to identify a breaking romantic relationship?
 Broken romantic relationship is one-sided whereas both parties must have a general positive regard for each other; thus enabling both to prioritize giving of affection and attention to other needs of each other. A breaking relationship is characterized by an emotional pain of the victim and selfishness and manipulation by the abuser.

How to heal breaking romantic relationship!
Like any other thing, you exercise your subjective view why you associate with others. In a romantic relationship, the deciding factor is love and other attributes that match your values and beliefs and therefore motivates your attraction and attachment.  The following steps could enable you to not compromise but establish a rationale to engage in the process of repairing a breaking relationship:
1.   Identifying the problem: This is a process of clear analysis of behavior or practice that steals your peace. You must avoid mixing issues in order that you could see if you are the source of the problem. For an example, your partners stopped making the bed because you want him to use your method to the letter.

2.   Presenting an identified problem: You can establish if your partner would want to fix the problem or whether you can seek an alternative way so that he or she can do what she is skilled to do instead of sulking over something he or she is doing wrong. If the problem relate to your personal preferences, you have to weigh pros and cons and consider if he wants to change to meet your expectations. In other words it is essential to think about the problem and formulate assumptions why is it happening. This will enable you not to react but carefully consider the best way to address it.

3.   Addressing the identified problem: How you choose to present the problem depends on what it is. For example, if your partner is arrogant or a controlling person, you would rather email or text him or her so that he or she would read the whole message and have a point of reference to see your case holistically. The benefit of a text message is allowing the partner to see the big picture from your point of view whereas if you talk you may end up not articulating on all important points.

4.   Ideal response to the breaking relationship: The ideal response to mend breaking relationship is to discuss the problem with compassion and respect; being aware that you both were socialized differently and therefore your values and beliefs are likely to differ.  This means that when both see the problem, you will likely jointly seek alternatives that work and seek to recreate joy and harmony.
Being mature in romantic relationship is
choosing to love unreservedly...! 

5.   Forgiving and moving forward: Effective solution is one which does not demand one party to feel like he or has won the battle. An ideal approach is one which feels good for both and restores the relationship to its original level wherein both parties could feel safe to be vulnerable. Real repentance is motivated by love and desire to recreate trusting bond again; knowing that each party is keen to rekindle the fire of unconditional love that seeks to love unreservedly.

6.   Honesty and openness: It helps to look each other in the eyes when talking to see how each word affect the other party. This openness will enable both parties to realize the extent of the hurt and will likely motivate both to see how they have contributed to the problem. Not allowing ego to ruin the discussion should be the cardinal rule so that you do not feel hurt or resentful that you have been caught; but be grateful that your partner approached you to put the problem behind.


Conflict always shows up in a romantic relationship. The challenge is finding an ideal approach to dismantle it before it creates a gap that could not be bridged. Romantic relationship requires conscious and constant attention to each other. The greatest success is approaching any challenge with love and respect knowing that you both have different foundational socialization from which you built your values and belief systems. Taking control of your life is ability to allowing your partner to be himself or herself when being part of you; thus enjoying the uniqueness of humanity in expressing love.

Saturday, 17 September 2016

Taking control: Your success will change in relationships when you change!

Change is within you when you choose a New - You!

As you exited childhood, you experienced change physically, perceptually and socially.  The process of understanding change got better as you got exposed to it through various social institutions; revealing a wider and subjective view of the meaning of life to you.

Change defined!
Change in the context of experiencing time and the quality of interaction with others denotes deeper understanding of factors that contribute to pleasant or unpleasant experiences over the period. It is being aware of the actual trend you experienced life versus the subjective expectations of what life should be. We all could identify ourselves with this change in terms of the trend on relationships, financial success, health and career.

Only you can change you!
Key contributors of your subjective world and the need for change!
If you want to know the lifestyle of your neighbors, simply watch their children playing: Their language, mannerism and values are displayed through their children because children have capacity to absorb and project everything with all their sensual ports. This good attribute is also the instrument of fundamental fixation regarding the subjective view of the world as an adult because whatever you heard from your caregivers became important components of your values and belief systems. Change therefore is a necessary catalyst, which enable you to unlearn and rebuild new values and beliefs. You have been changing continually and each day will continue to build and shape your worldview if you seek to change yourself and not others as follows:

1.    Change is effective when it addresses and modifies your identified blemishes. This means nothing will impact you unless you are aware and receptive of it.
2.    When you are aware that your power to change is within, you will note that your world will change when you change; thus confirming that what happens in your world reveals your thoughts, feelings, words and actions. This therefore denotes that attempting to change others is lacking the wisdom of how change occurs.
3.    Every mistake should have impacted you positively if you did not focus on the pain which attracted more painful experiences or blaming others. Mistakes provided a much needed database from which you could establish the trend of why and how you make them.
4.    Your inner positive or negative energy will determine how your impact others which will greatly influence your attitude and believe system. You will notice that there is a trend in how you managed previous relationships; especially colleagues and romantic partners.

Inherently mankind would prefer if other people would behave according to their values and beliefs. Relationships tend to be complex because we seek a complete take-over of the other persons’ life to complete ours. Taking control of your life is recognizing this emptiness that seeks an addition to self to experience joy and completeness. It is important therefore to be fully aware of our underlying psychological needs that manifest in various forms of misconceptions.  When we are able to see our own emptiness, we will seek change that empowers us towards being enough; thus lessening our dependency and demanding attitude from others.


Sunday, 4 September 2016

Taking control: How to keep your inner space calm and peaceful!



When you are aware of the need for calm and peacefulness, you will seek  them!!

Calm and peace are byproducts of love; they qualify the most envied emotional condition of self control. A calm person exert a positive energy and tends to create less threatening environment which allows and support trust and general positive regard of others.

Inner space defined!
Spiritually, the inner space is the whole essence of humanity, and regarded as godly because it is generally motivated by love. It is selfless and seeks to minister to others unconditionally and compassionately. At this realm, love prevails because perception of others is equal; that is, it is devoid of prejudice and other qualifications that determine the level of social recognition. Inner space is a non-physical component of humanity that has inexhaustible wisdom and is a domain of human spirituality.

The rationale for keeping the inner space calm and peaceful!
Your goals will support your
determination  to maintain
calmness and peace!
According to the principles of Positive Psychology, all people seek satisfactory life which is generally achieved through personal growth that leads to happiness. This deeper wisdom of humanity raises an awareness that it is our personal responsibilities to empower ourselves to find and unlock the door to our optimal life. It is proven that when a person knows his or her social and spiritual needs, it is easier to accept the fact that each person has his view of the world and therefore could subjectively access general calm and peacefulness.

Characteristics of calm and peaceful persons
Calmness and peacefulness are important components of happiness which is achievable through positive social ties with close family and other social institutions. Happiness is derived from leading a fully social and spiritual life that empowers a person to comprehend and lead purpose driven life. The following are characteristics of calm and peaceful persons:
1.   Through trial and error they have settled to being unashamedly content with self.
2.   They do not succumb to any form of manipulation by others. They do not fear criticism nor react to those who judge them.
3.   Experience taught them to seek to control inner self and to a limited extend their environment because no one has power over anybody except self.
4.   Through positive thinking, they have learned that every cloud has a silver lining. This point to the fact that every mistake has a blessing. When you understand this principle, you can effectively maintain calm and personal peace.
5.   Being enough denotes that one has accepted own blemishes and dwells on strengths and not weaknesses.
6.    They are open mindedness about self and others. This is attainable only if one maintain childlike attitude of loving others unconditionally, forgiving unlovable people and having time to play at fitness clubs and home. Being open mindedness denotes ability to absorb unpleasant experiences with low level of stress. Remember that basically there is nothing new; it is just that it is your first experience of the incident.   
7.   Ability to clean the inner space through meditation and adopting gratitude as a principle that motivates acceptance of others as they are. Gratitude is an ability to see good in any situation; thus ensures that a practitioner is calm and peaceful.


You can take control of your life by empowering yourself and remain teachable so that new experiences do not give you platform to judge others. If you seek quite time at least one hour per day before you sleep, you will have found a key that could open a door to the most envied human ability to maintain calm and peace. Our Creator advises anyone who seeks enlightenment to speak less. In other words when you seek calmness and peace, you will not entertain fruitless arguing match by those who are over the edge of tolerance of others. Instead, you will naturally join those who advocate for calm in addressing issues, always saturating self with peace that spills over to effectively transform others.