Create-a-new life!

Monday, 27 June 2016

Taking control: The benefits of identifying pointers of real love!

Do not cut corners when it comes to developing trust, it is mandatory!

Real love is experienced through all sensual ports and is a process of getting to know the other person and developing trust towards verbal and physical intimacy. It requires personal and intentional self-empowerment in weeding-out anything that is not genuine with a purpose to offer unreserved love.

Empowerment on various types of love
Knowledge is power and limits serious omissions or confusion when it comes to identifying pointers of real love. Nature tends to direct us towards this phenomenon of desiring to love someone other than family members and colleagues and endowed us with this intense attraction towards a stranger.  While this is true for normal persons, it is confusing in those who were sexually abused. Studies indicate that they tend to not know how to handle affection from non-sexual love; they manipulate it to lead to sexual relationship. Self-empowerment is intentionally seeking information and developing skills that can enable a person to make informed decisions. It is responding to burning questions about personal needs and reconfiguring oneself against previous incorrect information, cultural traits and general misinformation.

Pointers of real love!
It is important to understand that love is design towards choosing a life mate. Real love is therefore explain in this context and denotes making conscious decisions to find compatible person whom you will partner with, reach your goals together and enjoy life in general.
If you studied other areas of interest,
 include learning about true love...!
1.    Qualify to be a competent love partner: Love is more than a physical attraction; it is becoming worthy for anyone to want to spent lifetime with. Ideal partner should be intellectually resourceful and emotionally whole with a clear plan about his or her life. Anyone without personal plans could be looking for a rescuer from a life of confusion, social and emotional issues.
2.    Establish personal boundaries: Remember there are people out there who are likely to treat you like an animal! Because they have not empowered themselves, they are likely to cut corners when dating and violate your dating principles and values.
3.    Communication: The dating process is about learning who and what the person you are attracted to is, their plans and establishing whether your own plans will not conflict. It is designing a future through open and complete honesty on key issues that include:
a)   Spiritual beliefs: Do not be unequally yoked. You are a spiritual being and you cannot afford to ignore this aspect of a personal life.
b)   Values, convictions and interests: Long-term relationship requires creating a fun environment. Omission of these important factors could lead to unfulfilled social and psychological needs.
c)   Social roles expectations: Remember you come from different background and it could be that you have been socialized to belief that a woman is expected to focus on making a husband happy by total submitting to his needs in exclusion to yours.
d)   Communication intimacy: If you have not arrived at a stage wherein both have developed unreserved openness and willful disclosure of personal information, you have to know that you cannot hope to arrive at that destination after you have engaged in a physical intimacy. It may not happen in the future; and soon you will realize that you are lonely because you cannot be truly free to discuss your deep personal needs.
4.    Take responsibility about your life: You have control over your upward mobility. You are responsible for your financial success and therefore choosing your career and pursuing it is mandatory.
Irrational justification of non-action is a clear pointer of whether you are growing or not. If anyone attempts to persuade you to put your personal plans on hold, you need to ask yourself whether that resembles love!

Benefits of identifying and evaluating your content with regard to empowering yourself on sexuality life skills and reconfiguring yourself to be a worthy candidate for romantic relationship is to make informed decisions. Romantic relationships challenge even the most intellectually equipped people; so, it is clear that it is not a cognitive matter only.  You have to experience true love with all your sensual ports. Do not ignore the warning voice within when you feel something is not right with a prospective partner. You are designed and built with this mechanism to assist you to truly have control over your life!    

Sunday, 19 June 2016

Taking control: How to identify and overcome possessiveness in intimate relationship!

Looking for evidence?  The devil will provide a false one
 that will steal your peace, destroy your trust and eventually kill you!

Possessiveness is one of the fear-motivated emotions; experienced by a partner in a romantic relationship. It is a strong desire to fully own a partner under the guise of love. Such a person is driven by inner negative emotion of insecurity initially experienced during childhood or in other developmental stages.

How to identify a possessive behavior!
A possessive partner is overbearing and generally clingy. Since most of the relationships start with overly attention, the victims may continue to embrace this behavior as the sign of love and much desired security in a relationship.  It is noteworthy to say that almost all normal people require freedom of choices and some privacy in indulging in one of those me-time moments. I would say love is exactly that; loving a person in totality without needing to forcefully change anything. A possessive partner will directly or indirectly attempt to:

1.   Isolate the other partner from the primary source of social support so that he or she could be that source.
2.   Shower the partner with gifts during the initial stage of dating to manipulate affection and trust to his or her benefit.
3.   Be overzealous in introducing desirable changes that focus in total take-over of interests and previous life-style. For an example, deciding on which restaurant to eat or where to go for a holiday under a ‘surprise offer’.
4.   Secretly monitor the partner’s movement by frequent calls. For an example using the office line instead of mobile private number.
5.    Strongly advocate for staying together or rushing through courting stages towards marriage. Remember when a woman says; “I do!” Often she is agreeing to a forceful submission to a male partner in all aspects of life!

How to overcome possessiveness!
A possessive person is not whole and will inherently attract another insecure one who will succumb to controlling and manipulation.  If a possessive person attempts a romantic relationship with an emotionally balanced person, that relationship will not last. A normal person wants to exercise control over his or her life and will identify insecure and untrusting person after a few encounters or slips in expressing frustration or any of the negative emotions of fear. Since this is a debilitating condition, it is important to evaluate your own security in managing a romantic relationship. If you tend to exude some stronger than love emotions that seek to control the other person, pause and really check your inner space! Possessiveness is a negative emotion and is surely not bringing smile when you think of the other partner! So, what must you do to overcome possessiveness?  
1.   Engage in an introspection exercise! Do you really know yourself? If you do and have this urge to control and possess your partner, accept that you are fearful of losing your partner and that is not a normal feeling.
2.   What is the motivating emotion to be in a relationship? Are you looking for love or something to fill the hole inside of you? Try to understand the characteristics of love! For an example, if you adopt an ideal 12 stages of dating, you will learn what love is not!
3.   Rewind your experiences and find out if you can trace your fearfulness and discuss this condition with your partner.
4.   Manage your controlling behavior:
Ø  Affirm your desire to be a loving partner and remind yourself throughout your day for as long as you can to lull this monster inside of you.
Ø  Stop looking for any signs of anything except pure love and respect of your partner’s personal space.
Ø  Adopt the attitude of asking rather than announcing where you intend to dine her according to your whims.
Ø  Ask her or him about her or his future plans.
Ø  Adopt simple techniques of getting rid of negative emotions; breath-in slowly and be present to watch your various emotions of fear without being part of them.
5.   If you cannot do this alone, seek professional help; you happiness depends on it!

Taking control of your life is being introspective and continually evaluating your inner space. In the privacy of your mind, you know when you are not being your best, and often it is whenever your ego takes control and wrecks your life by ignoring negative emotions. Your body is grafted with love and the truth; anything contrary feels strange and brings unpleasantness which you cannot miss. Love is characterized by a general feeling of joy and contentment; possessiveness brings the opposite feelings. It is ugly and will surely ruin your relationship!

Sunday, 12 June 2016

Taking control: Suffering is self-created and you can over-ride it!

The Creator encourages us to meditate and He sent a role model...! 

Suffering is categorized as physical and non-physical. Physical pain is inflicting external physical harm on the body intentionally or unintentionally. The most common suffering is non-physical. It denotes allowing resurfacing of unpleasant information and experiences acquired through all sensory ports which have been stored in your subconscious mind.

What is non-physical suffering?

Non-physical suffering refers to unpleasant feelings caused by information and experiences archived in the subconscious mind which affect the quality of the current emotions. These cause social, spiritual and psychological pains.  The prolonged non-physical pain therefore contributes to behavioral issues and physical illnesses.

What are the contributors of no-physical suffering?

Naturally every person stores all information and life experiences acquired through the five sensory ports. The mind therefore is an archive and storage where both good and bad information and experiences are stored.  In other words we have very little control on what we see, hear, smell and come in contact with and therefore feel with our skin. All these information and experiences influence how we perceive the world and make decisions.
Your personal responsibility is to learn to understand these natural processes and create a healthy relationship with your mind as follows:

1.   Unconsciousness: Social change occurs only when you are aware of a particular lack and have sufficient motivation to make conscious effort to over-ride the identified undesirable behavior. You are a spiritual being with a mind and a physical body. Because you cannot run away from your chattering mind, you can only learn certain techniques that will regulate it so that it becomes useful creative tool and not a source of your suffering.
2.   Self-empowerment: It denotes learning about your spiritual attributes and your power to monitor your life without living by fear or under condemnation. When you are not clear of your true nature as a spiritual being, your mind would be your tormentor because it will perform its function of bringing all information into your consciousness instead of only that which you want to use at the moment. You are capable of deciding and allowing only positive information in your consciousness.    

How to over-ride non-physical suffering!

Every person is capable of learning to effectively reshape own life and contribute peace and not suffering through the following behavior altering practices:

NLP is one of the effective tools of
over-riding suffering!
1.   Become whole: You attain this ability by internalizing the complexity of a human being and by purposely learning about yourself. It starts with appreciating self and learning to love yourself unconditionally. Only when you have developed this positive good regard to yourself would you approach others with awareness of their own uniqueness and will not cause any suffering by attempting to change them to think and behave like you.
2.   Commit to behavior transforming practices: Meditation is a well researched behavior transforming practice. Its benefits include the following:
·        Increased intelligence: Quieting the brain enables a practitioner to look at unpleasant information and experiences by learning from them and not condemning self from them.
·        Slows down the aging of the brain: Research shows significant improvement of the quality of the gray and white brain matter.
·        Improve interpersonal relationships: It enable practitioner to handle conflict and negative environment objectively.
3.   Observe your mind as a separate entity: You are an overseer of your overall behavior and therefore responsible for all your actions which are generated as a thought first before you act on it.
4.   Learn the benefits of silence: The world has become noisier with the advent of mobile phones. Silence is a key component of meditation. We address it separately to emphasize its benefit in listening to your inner non-cognitive conversation and accessing the power from within. In silence even the chatter brain produces higher quality decisions.

Starting over a new life is empowering yourself to access all resources that will enable your natural wisdom to reshape your life. It is knowing that all elements affect you significantly from within and equally generate response from within. As a spiritual being, you are whole and having a revelation of this truth will empower you to attract another whole person to share your life with if you are looking for a mate. It will enable you to be regarded as an inspiring person in all social institutions you become part of because you will be conscious about what causes suffering in self or others.

Tuesday, 7 June 2016

Taking control: Could music effectively heal romantic relationships?

Music breaks a rock hard heart in intimate relationship....!

We live in the era of positive thinking and exploration of the benefits of natural healing.  Scientists have been researching on the complexity of happiness as an antidote to many ailments and therefore are embarking on contributors of happiness. Evidently music is proved to be both medically and emotionally therapeutic.

The impact of the music on the brains
We are not attempting to explain the medical concepts but simply relate what an ordinary person experience when listening to a particular type of music or a song. Often you get chills and almost immediately tune in to whatever the music is about; thus experience joy if you are seeking joy or sadness if you are in one of those pity-party moods. 

Our brain interprets information it receives through various sensory ports and depending on the previous experiences filed in the subconscious mind, elicits a specific overt response.  It is for this reason that happy music is regarded as a possible natural healer of broken hearts in a romantic relationship. Some writers believe that there can be no romantic intimacy if there is no emotional intimacy. The latter denotes that both partners have successfully connected at emotional level and allowed themselves to be vulnerable by trusting each other with private and confidential information and behavior.

Proven benefits of music in improving health
When medicine fails to ignite the will to live, music does...!
Various researches indicate that music is therapeutic in premature infants; they eat and sleep better. It also reduces the levels of stress hormones therefore it knocks off depression and improves Parkinson diseases. Ordinarily, it increases production of the body’s killer cells hence boost immune system. Music improves health and it is your individual responsibility to identify with this truth and purposely find out how it impact on you in a romantic relationship.

How music transforms tension in romantic relationships
It could be that you have not really experienced the effectiveness of music in defusing tension and bridging the emotional gap in intimate relationship; nonetheless, you have been moody and run down and you purposely or accidentally switched on a radio or television and you melted as the sound of your favorite song hit your brain stem. You probably closed your eyes and you instantaneously were taken by your imagination to wherever the song was about. It is for this reason that we learnt from notable writers that the mind has no limit in transporting you to your private world of prosperity and unimaginable bliss! The following are evident impact of music in dissolving negative energy and effectively transforming the emotions and the environment:
1.    Music speaks better than an ordinary talk.
2.    It increases motivation to work with joy.
3.    It changes the environment to be happier, romantic or festive.
4.    Various types of music could inspire a person to compose songs or poetry from a deeper and philosophical perspective.
5.    Music lightens a person from within and motivates a dress code.
6.    Music elicits intrinsic motivation to move the body to the beat.
7.    It arouses specific feelings and behavior in response to archived previous experiences.

Historically man continued to align to natural instincts. Music had inspired shy Victorian ladies to shed off their modest blush and revealed their inner most feelings of love. It has   lessened the arduous journey and strengthened the body to endure the challenges. It heals weak and dying brains and ignites the will to live in premature babies. Like anything else that is not cared for, romantic relationship gets dull and slowly dies off. A song from a hurting beloved partner could mend a broken heart and ignite deep feelings of love. Often it is the easiest way to say difficult conversation and reduce all the ego hassles to a simple silent hug.  Allowing unreserved emotion to flow to the sound of music is therefore not only therapeutic, it is embracing the benefits of positive psychology that is revealing the wisdom our body has in making our life on planet earth a memorable experience.