Create-a-new life!

Sunday, 19 June 2016

Taking control: How to identify and overcome possessiveness in intimate relationship!


Looking for evidence?  The devil will provide a false one
 that will steal your peace, destroy your trust and eventually kill you!

Possessiveness is one of the fear-motivated emotions; experienced by a partner in a romantic relationship. It is a strong desire to fully own a partner under the guise of love. Such a person is driven by inner negative emotion of insecurity initially experienced during childhood or in other developmental stages.

How to identify a possessive behavior!
A possessive partner is overbearing and generally clingy. Since most of the relationships start with overly attention, the victims may continue to embrace this behavior as the sign of love and much desired security in a relationship.  It is noteworthy to say that almost all normal people require freedom of choices and some privacy in indulging in one of those me-time moments. I would say love is exactly that; loving a person in totality without needing to forcefully change anything. A possessive partner will directly or indirectly attempt to:

1.   Isolate the other partner from the primary source of social support so that he or she could be that source.
2.   Shower the partner with gifts during the initial stage of dating to manipulate affection and trust to his or her benefit.
3.   Be overzealous in introducing desirable changes that focus in total take-over of interests and previous life-style. For an example, deciding on which restaurant to eat or where to go for a holiday under a ‘surprise offer’.
4.   Secretly monitor the partner’s movement by frequent calls. For an example using the office line instead of mobile private number.
5.    Strongly advocate for staying together or rushing through courting stages towards marriage. Remember when a woman says; “I do!” Often she is agreeing to a forceful submission to a male partner in all aspects of life!



How to overcome possessiveness!
A possessive person is not whole and will inherently attract another insecure one who will succumb to controlling and manipulation.  If a possessive person attempts a romantic relationship with an emotionally balanced person, that relationship will not last. A normal person wants to exercise control over his or her life and will identify insecure and untrusting person after a few encounters or slips in expressing frustration or any of the negative emotions of fear. Since this is a debilitating condition, it is important to evaluate your own security in managing a romantic relationship. If you tend to exude some stronger than love emotions that seek to control the other person, pause and really check your inner space! Possessiveness is a negative emotion and is surely not bringing smile when you think of the other partner! So, what must you do to overcome possessiveness?  
1.   Engage in an introspection exercise! Do you really know yourself? If you do and have this urge to control and possess your partner, accept that you are fearful of losing your partner and that is not a normal feeling.
2.   What is the motivating emotion to be in a relationship? Are you looking for love or something to fill the hole inside of you? Try to understand the characteristics of love! For an example, if you adopt an ideal 12 stages of dating, you will learn what love is not!
3.   Rewind your experiences and find out if you can trace your fearfulness and discuss this condition with your partner.
4.   Manage your controlling behavior:
Ø  Affirm your desire to be a loving partner and remind yourself throughout your day for as long as you can to lull this monster inside of you.
Ø  Stop looking for any signs of anything except pure love and respect of your partner’s personal space.
Ø  Adopt the attitude of asking rather than announcing where you intend to dine her according to your whims.
Ø  Ask her or him about her or his future plans.
Ø  Adopt simple techniques of getting rid of negative emotions; breath-in slowly and be present to watch your various emotions of fear without being part of them.
5.   If you cannot do this alone, seek professional help; you happiness depends on it!


Taking control of your life is being introspective and continually evaluating your inner space. In the privacy of your mind, you know when you are not being your best, and often it is whenever your ego takes control and wrecks your life by ignoring negative emotions. Your body is grafted with love and the truth; anything contrary feels strange and brings unpleasantness which you cannot miss. Love is characterized by a general feeling of joy and contentment; possessiveness brings the opposite feelings. It is ugly and will surely ruin your relationship!