Taking control: Is there a right time to move on after divorce?

Your life follows you! You can prolong your pain or shake off the
negative energy and move on!

Break-up of a marriage bond is termination of emotional and all other privileges between two parties.  It is a traumatic experience to both parties because both had invested trust in disclosing personal and confidential information, financial and social activities during their intimacy.

Emotional impact of a divorce

Emotional impact of a divorce is associated with both emotional and physical illness. It is so because the brain creates a physical response by every word a person says. The break-up of this social hallmark is so important that the impact becomes overwhelming on the body, mind and spirit as follows:

1.    Severe stress: The breaking up could be a long process during which the body produces stress hormones. The continued secretion will result in blood pressure and elevated heart rate.

2.    Poor level of sleep: The presence of stress hormones in the body will affect sleep patterns. It has been established that stress causes lack of sleep which in turn increase the stress level.

3.    Negative impact on immune system: The two conditions mentioned will result in lowered immune system which is a window of opportunistic illnesses.

4.    Onset of depression and anxiety: When the body is so compromised in its defense, depression kicks in and further creates a general crisis in the body.

5.    Identity confusion: Marriage is a social institution which officiate a change of identity and an exit into a new realm of social classification.  Divorce ruins this societal recognition and renders a person a failure in maintaining the societal position.

6.    Digestive system issues: Stress hormones cause the digestive system issues such as gas and other discomfort.

7.    Weight problem: Stress causes a graving for sugar, fat and salt; all of which lead to weight gain.

Separation of parents affect children!
Go an extra mile in spending quality time with them! 

Moving on after a divorce!

When is the right time for moving on after a break-up? There is no specific time which could be said to be reasonable to close the door on the broken intimate relationship. The time factor is dependent upon:

1.    The strength of the bond which the parties shared.

2.    The individuality of each party pertaining to the subject in question such as the importance of the timeline of each party’s personal goals. For an example; if one of the root cause of the break-up is incompatibility of personal goals, such a party would still look at the time factor in deciding to move on with finding a suitable partner that will support identified goals.

3.    The level of emotional intelligence in processing the break-up.  One party could be skilled in finding peace with a break-up hence spend a relatively short period to bounce back into full social life. Another party could be fragile and unable to let-go; hence would indulge in self-pity longer before summoning enough confidence to face the opposite gender for intimate relationship.

4.    Depending on what transpired during the relationship, ladies often spend longer time licking their emotional wounds. Some get fixated in some of the experiences encountered in the ruined relationship and become unable to move on. Such deep emotional trauma could be devastating and may require professional attention.

Taking control of your life after experiencing divorce denotes being aware of the impact of the separation and ability to take appropriate remedial measures.  The period for moving on is subjective and individuals must refrain from fearing what people would say if they meet new partner sooner after the divorce. It could mean that moving on from the crossroad of hurt is the best route of stepping into a new future and happiness. 

Taking control: What to do when the family disapproves divorce!

Divorce is a termination of the marriage contract.  It is annulment of the legalized long-term relationship.  Divorce complicates the relationship between families of the couple and negatively affects the children. Its stress level is considered second to the death of the loved one.

Divorce takes a long process because from both spiritual and social point of view, it carries a lot of relationships complications: Socially it is undesirable because the two families become entangled in its painful ending. Often parents try to repair the damage by intervening and encouraging the couple to seek the professional counseling. The most challenging situation is when parents try too hard to mend irreparable marriage. From the side of a woman, parents may even remind her of childhood flaws that points to being stubborn. In African traditional settings for an example, a woman is often blamed that she had not been submissive to her husband’s demands.  It is therefore very hard when a woman is experiencing emotional pain and could see that love has completely dried out, to disclose such truth to her parents.  Divorcing couples need support from their respective families because they could try to be civil and encourage the same for the sake of the children.  For an example if there is physical fights, parents would protect the children from such scenes.

The process of arriving at divorce stage is usually long and painful because each party usually evaluates the pros and cons of ending the relationship.  A woman who is not supported by her family becomes more traumatized especially if the case is likely to favor the husband. Some women in such cases would rather stay married to avoid being separated from their children.  The danger of staying in a loveless relationship for women becomes even more complex for safety and health reasons.  Often women become so fearful that they choose to relocate. Such an option could be even more disruptive for her career and children’s school program.

Protection of children could be considered from a different perspective: Divorce that  maintain children’s rights to live with one parent surrounded by love and joyfully looking forward to visit their father would be far better than loveless marriage in which children are exposed to constant negative environment.  Couples that place their children’s needs and rights first, would do their best to be civil to each other.  The ideal situation is one where parents step in to make the transition as less hurting as possible.  When such support is withheld, a mother must consider a nanny who can offer adequate care.

Taking control denotes careful analysis of health and security risks involved in staying in a marriage to please the parents. Ideally children’s interests and needs must be determining factors because the relationships trauma could be irreparable.  Professional assistance is necessary to help parent to limit their pressure when marriage has reached a divorce point.  Ideal attitude should be unconditional support, trusting that all remedial measures have been considered.