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Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Taking control: What to do when the family disapproves divorce!


Divorce is a termination of the marriage contract.  It is annulment of the legalized long-term relationship.  Divorce complicates the relationship between families of the couple and negatively affects the children. Its stress level is considered second to the death of the loved one.
Divorce takes a long process because from both spiritual and social point of view, it carries a lot of relationships complications: Socially it is undesirable because the two families become entangled in its painful ending. Often parents try to repair the damage by intervening and encouraging the couple to seek the professional counseling. The most challenging situation is when parents try too hard to mend irreparable marriage. From the side of a woman, parents may even remind her of childhood flaws that points to being stubborn. In African traditional settings for an example, a woman is often blamed that she had not been submissive to her husband’s demands.  It is therefore very hard when a woman is experiencing emotional pain and could see that love has completely dried out, to disclose such truth to her parents.  Divorcing couples need support from their respective families because they could try to be civil and encourage the same for the sake of the children.  For an example if there is physical fights, parents would protect the children from such scenes.
The process of arriving at divorce stage is usually long and painful because each party usually evaluates the pros and cons of ending the relationship.  A woman who is not supported by her family becomes more traumatized especially if the case is likely to favor the husband. Some women in such cases would rather stay married to avoid being separated from their children.  The danger of staying in a loveless relationship for women becomes even more complex for safety and health reasons.  Often women become so fearful that they choose to relocate. Such an option could be even more disruptive for her career and children’s school program.
Protection of children could be considered from a different perspective: Divorce that  maintain children’s rights to live with one parent surrounded by love and joyfully looking forward to visit their father would be far better than loveless marriage in which children are exposed to constant negative environment.  Couples that place their children’s needs and rights first, would do their best to be civil to each other.  The ideal situation is one where parents step in to make the transition as less hurting as possible.  When such support is withheld, a mother must consider a nanny who can offer adequate care.
Taking control denotes careful analysis of health and security risks involved in staying in a marriage to please the parents. Ideally children’s interests and needs must be determining factors because the relationships trauma could be irreparable.  Professional assistance is necessary to help parent to limit their pressure when marriage has reached a divorce point.  Ideal attitude should be unconditional support, trusting that all remedial measures have been considered.