Taking control: Regrets are fruits of quit!

Guilt is a function of a conscience. It is a negative assessment of actions or experiences that are regarded as not appropriate according to established social or spiritual standards.  It is a perpetual deep judgmental analysis of the past events which reflect negatively to self and cause you to lower your self-worth.

Self judgment is negative while self-evaluation is a positive analysis of activities and experiences which are meant to enable you to improve your knowledge or skills. It is acceptable to evaluate your actions so that you could weed-out those blemishes that do not support our goals, but should always seek to build a better you. The following are examples of destructive self-talk messages which end up with guilty conscience:

1.    I did not try harder to safe the situation!

2.    I am sloppy to maintain a desirable home for my husband; no one would have tolerated such disorganized environment!

3.    I was not empathetic to my spouse, remember he was abused and I could have been more forgiving for the assault I experienced.

4.    Marriage is sacred; I should have stayed and prayed more rather than left.

5.    I did not demonstrated love towards in-laws; I created a difficult situation for my spouse.

6.    I did not comply with the spiritual law which required that I love other people unconditionally.    

7.    I lost control over my own anger! It is my fault that my fiance broke the engagement.

8.    I am too clingy and called too often; I chased my fiance away. I overwhelmed him!  

9.    I am too independent; no man would like such a woman!

10. I was not careful about selecting a safe route; this is why I was ambushed and raped.

The list is endless. The point is; none of these should dwell in your mind as debilitating thoughts.  Yes it is natural to analyze actions that contributed to your situation; but you must learn to be objective so that such experiences would be positive learning points rather than the source of the feeling of condemnation.  For you to effectively cope with guilt you must establish what was really right and what was really wrong.   If somehow you felt you could have done better to defuse the situation or made better choices, it is a revelation experience which says you have learned from your mistakes and you to do better on similar cases in the future.  On reaching this conclusion, move from it! Let it be a positive point of reference a not a reminder of your inadequacy.

Let your conscience be a helpful mechanism that enables you to assess your teachable experiences and not a mean watchful pointer of your blemishes.  Guilty conscience can cause so much pain and stress to the point of blocking your ability to make decisions because you no longer trust yourself.  As soon as you discover that you are harboring guilt, you must stop immediately; if you cannot, get professional help!