Second chance relationship
is fragile and need to be handled with care, which can only be attainable
through being conscious of the underlying motives. Thoughts are the starting point of your words
and actions and they creep in when you lose sight of your decision of being a
peaceable person.
Second chance relationship defined!
A relationship occurs when
the two parties build on their first encounter rapport and allow it to create a
bond that connect them as they discover each other’s personality and interests. It comes as each identifies and gets
intrinsic satisfaction that adds value to their personal needs and goals. A second chance relationship is a fruit of
objective assessment of the conflict and learning from its causes. It is based on strong determination to focus
on the strengths of the other party and refusing to allow small specks to
disfigure the values inherent in the other person. It is characterized by
focusing on development of self and learning to allow imperfections in your
life and others.
Why is the second chance relationship fragile?
A normal person learns
from his or her mistakes and would therefore be sensitive to cues that lead to similar
conflict. While it is logical to stay
out of trouble by not discussing the old situations, you must purposefully
abstain from negative confrontations that could arouse or encourage you or the
other party to make reference to situations outside the current one. Your subconscious mind is good in keeping
records and will always perform this function with excellence. So the ball is
in your court to keep that door shut by being conscious of ego’s desire to
refer to previous feelings of hurt, resentment, need to revenge or being
controlling. The challenge is learning to listen to your inner self and
recognize negativism. Secondly, it is
verbalizing the decision not to reopen shut doors so that each will comply with
these expressed needs to nurture peace and do everything to sustain it even in
trying situations. Thirdly, it is to
recognize that to sustain peace is your daily goal affirmed through statements and
actions of love to the other party. By
expressing loving words and confirming with actions, you are reprogramming your
mind to not indulge in sabotaging thoughts.
However, you must not deny those
thoughts when they surface. Rather watch
them without judging yourself because you will be repressing then instead of
learning from them; thus assessing how far you have progressed in configuring a
new you!
Observing the golden rule to peaceful environment
It takes two to tango so
to speak! Both parties must therefore agree on a golden rule which suits them. For an example, they could both discuss and
agree that fostering a safe environment is fundamental to building trust, true
forgiveness, empathy and relearning to love unconditionally. Such an agreement could assist each party to
feel normal and be under no pressure to display window dressing behavior. This means that both parties individually seek
to nurture positive attitude within self because it is the only approach that would
be devoid of controlling or manipulating.
Second chance relationship
does more than give you an opportunity to ‘see’ yourself. It reveals your ability to uproot undesirable
learned behaviors that could derail you and therefore deprive you of an opportunity
to life a fulfilling life with others.
You take control of your life when you maintain an open mind to learn
from all circumstances. The truth holds that learning transcends the
grave! If you are a human being, you
have a potential to taint a good environment or neutralize a bad one!
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