Create-a-new life!

Friday, 31 October 2014

Taking Control: How you can nurture peace in a second chance relationship!


Second chance relationship is fragile and need to be handled with care, which can only be attainable through being conscious of the underlying motives.  Thoughts are the starting point of your words and actions and they creep in when you lose sight of your decision of being a peaceable person.
Second chance relationship defined!
A relationship occurs when the two parties build on their first encounter rapport and allow it to create a bond that connect them as they discover each other’s personality and interests.  It comes as each identifies and gets intrinsic satisfaction that adds value to their personal needs and goals.  A second chance relationship is a fruit of objective assessment of the conflict and learning from its causes.  It is based on strong determination to focus on the strengths of the other party and refusing to allow small specks to disfigure the values inherent in the other person. It is characterized by focusing on development of self and learning to allow imperfections in your life and others.   
Why is the second chance relationship fragile?
A normal person learns from his or her mistakes and would therefore be sensitive to cues that lead to similar conflict.  While it is logical to stay out of trouble by not discussing the old situations, you must purposefully abstain from negative confrontations that could arouse or encourage you or the other party to make reference to situations outside the current one.  Your subconscious mind is good in keeping records and will always perform this function with excellence. So the ball is in your court to keep that door shut by being conscious of ego’s desire to refer to previous feelings of hurt, resentment, need to revenge or being controlling. The challenge is learning to listen to your inner self and recognize negativism.  Secondly, it is verbalizing the decision not to reopen shut doors so that each will comply with these expressed needs to nurture peace and do everything to sustain it even in trying situations.  Thirdly, it is to recognize that to sustain peace is your daily goal affirmed through statements and actions of love to the other party.  By expressing loving words and confirming with actions, you are reprogramming your mind to not indulge in sabotaging thoughts.   However, you must not deny those thoughts when they surface.  Rather watch them without judging yourself because you will be repressing then instead of learning from them; thus assessing how far you have progressed in configuring a new you!
Observing the golden rule to peaceful environment
It takes two to tango so to speak! Both parties must therefore agree on a golden rule which suits them.  For an example, they could both discuss and agree that fostering a safe environment is fundamental to building trust, true forgiveness, empathy and relearning to love unconditionally.  Such an agreement could assist each party to feel normal and be under no pressure to display window dressing behavior.  This means that both parties individually seek to nurture positive attitude within self because it is the only approach that would be devoid of controlling or manipulating.

Second chance relationship does more than give you an opportunity to ‘see’ yourself.  It reveals your ability to uproot undesirable learned behaviors that could derail you and therefore deprive you of an opportunity to life a fulfilling life with others.  You take control of your life when you maintain an open mind to learn from all circumstances. The truth holds that learning transcends the grave!  If you are a human being, you have a potential to taint a good environment or neutralize a bad one!