Create-a-new life!

Friday, 10 October 2014

Taking control: How to nurture and maintain a second chance relationship!

A second chance relationship is one in which a couple reconcile their differences and agree to start-over. It is a result of a soul-searching exercise wherein both parties voluntarily evaluate their respective underlying actions which resulted in separation and project a renewed commitment to rebuild their relationship.
The rationale for the second chance!
The second chance is being able to objectively see the role of your destructive behavior and taking responsibility to identify remedial actions.  It should be a decision to go all the way in developing building thoughts, engaging in supporting actions and affirming with words of faith in your ability to follow your heart.  The following will help list and briefly discuss how the building could be done:
1.   Clear the air by addressing expressed concerns: Never underestimate the power of small offenses such as careless words that attacks personal blemishes such as, “you never pick your dirty clothes!”  Replace such an attack with, “I would appreciate if you could help me put your dirty laundry in the basket every evening”. Open talk weeds out resentment and build trust and readiness to cover each other’s weaknesses.
2.   Build trust through allowing personal needs: Trust grows from allowing your partner to live his/her life with you.  Let me explain: When you were dating, you had to be on your toes so to speak; making sure that everything about you is appealing and impresses your fiancĂ©.  That was unreal! You would be miserable if you were to spend the rest of your life acting out a window-dressing behavior.  The point is, choosing a life mate means you consciously allow one stranger to come into your life as he/she is and allow him/her to enjoy life together with you.  If there is nothing intolerant about this person, it is worth your while to make amends and see where you failed to accommodate each other unreservedly.
3.   Accept change: Denotes maturity about life being dynamic.  Often men do no adjust to see beauty of their partner after childbirth.  Instead of unreserved support, they show signs of being bored or turned-off by the changed body. Some speak emotionally damaging unkind words about gained weight, floppy breasts and tummy.  The fact is, the girl sleeping next to you, used to be stunning until she allowed you to have your baby! Learn to appreciate her and keep her self esteem intact.
4.   Sharing life: If you both understand what marriage is, your former attitude about material and non-material things you accumulated or plan to have, stopped being yours when you vowed to honor and cherish each other until death.  Sex is the major part of sharing and it is sacred to the Creator who designed marriage.  If this is not clear, you need to seek professional help so that you stop continuing to be a boy or a girl instead of a mature, responsible adult who understand that love is not controlling nor abusing each other.

These affirmative steps can create environment that is conducive to start-over a new chapter that is intended to allow daily bridging of personal differences and building positive and accepting attitude that is key to unconditional love. The second chances is ideal as long as one of the partner is not a narcissist and therefore teachable to adapt to partnership lifestyle.