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Sunday, 3 April 2016

Taking control: How to identify loveless and emotionally unstable partner in intimate relationship!

Ideal couple is two emotionally stable persons ...fully aware of
their feelings and future plans

Intimate relationship is a result of a process of getting to know a different sex partner with a purpose of committing to marriage. It is a journey of discovery which requires both parties to objectively study and assess the other party’s behavior over a period of various stages of dating. 
  
What is a loveless relationship?
Loveless marriage in the African context was a social system of arranged marriage where parents played a front role in agreeing to join their children in marriage before they come of age.  In our era, it is more complex and is characterized by emotional issues leading to alcohol and drugs abuse.

Signs of emotionally unstable relationship!
Often emotionally wounded people are unable to love without controlling, manipulating or becoming excessively clingy. These behavioral flaws are carefully disguised as being protective of the loved ones. Let me explain:
1.   Controlling partner: Often display a ‘better than thou’ attitude whereby he or she plays a leading role in establishing and managing relationship activities such as:
·        chooses restaurant for regular outing;
·        dictates what career would be suitable for the other partner;
·        which car to drive and why;  and
·        where to invest money and suggest terms of investment.
   
All these are seemingly harmless contribution from a loving partner;
Relationships challenge us all!  
nonetheless these are important aspects of life which a person would want to feel solely responsible achieving and setting a lifestyle of choice. If you have changed your mind due to unrequested advice from your loved one, regard these as flags for concern and possible controlling.

2.   Manipulating partner: Manipulation is exertion of undue influence aimed at gaining control, benefits and privileges in a relationship. The victim loses self confidence and progressively become dependent to the perpetrator who then take full control over the victim’s life and resources.

3.   Clingy partner: You may confuse this excessive calling and accounting for all daily activities as a sign of love. You will soon get annoyed for explaining your existence. Yes, clingy partner is all over you and is constantly occupying your mind and space. For example, a male partner may decline to join you with your friends and successfully disguise his dislike of you being without him. He will however call more than twice to ask about something; thus ruining your joy effectively.  Or you will find him outside, displaying misery and injecting you with guilt for leaving him alone. That is a sick behavior!

Can you cope with emotional unstable partner?
Marriage is a lifelong partnership and requires informed decisions regarding social, spiritual and emotional health.  If you spot instability explained above, you must ask yourself: Can I cope with this behavior over life-time? Surely this is a clear question and requires a clear answer from you! Marriage is a union of two fully informed persons intending to get involved with each other and share the whole self unreservedly for life. That is a serious union! The reality is that once you tie the knot, you are obliged to submit under the man as a leader of the family. Think about that! Often emotional issues require a long specialized therapy.


Emotionally unstable person is challenged to establish and manage romantic relationship without ruining it with oppressive behavior. Taking control of your life is exercising your freedom to choose a mate whom you will share and enjoy your life with. One cannot be sure that emotionally unstable persons are capable of loving another person without abusing their trust and other marital resources. Seek professional help if you really are head over heels in love!