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Sunday, 20 March 2016

Taking control: Learn how to forgive your spouse!

Forgiving your spouse is a decision that support your commitment to the marriage !

Real forgiveness is ability to release emotional pain associated with the incident. It is choosing to let go of images, memories of all unpleasant scenes and the outcome of the experience.  Emotional pain between spouses is often difficult to heal because it contravenes matrimonial vows and expectations.

How to forgive your spouse
Forgiving someone is better when it is from the premise of your heart rather than your mind. You see; it is hard to apply logic only on issues of relationships especially your spouse because of his or her close proximity to your life. In other words, logic would count how many times your spouse did the same offense and then apologized. Your heart on the other hand is a premise of compassion and also of your commitment to making the relationship work.  The following could be helpful in forgiving your spouse:

1.   Adopt forgiveness as your life principle: Consider that it is impossible to live without conflict with anyone who shares your life. Just like when driving, you resort to keeping the rules and being ready to ignore bad drivers. Choose to see his or her good conducts and forgive any undesirable behaviors.

2.   Knowledge is power: If you knew that prolonged anger contribute to cancer I doubt if you would allow yourself to engage in such willful self-destructive mode! Anger harms you more than those who caused it!

3.   Look objectively into the root of the hurt: Every cloud has a silver lining! What is your contribution to the hurting scene? What are other underlying contributors to the hurtful situation?

4.   Have compassion: Find positive diversion to the hurt:
·        List helpful things you spouse do well regularly.
·        Recall childhood issues; his socialization and past life. Most of us are fixated in our past hurting experiences.
·        Take out your family album and recall the happy scenes.
·        Decide to out-grow your own emotional hurdles – think outside the box and be the one who makes effort to restore positive emotions.  

5.   Reverse the hurt situation: Recall your own mistakes; how you wronged others and wished they forgave you as soon as possible!

6.   Give yourself time to cool off without judging yourself: Guilt is a form of negative energy and you need to stay clear of that. It is beneficial if you rather earnestly find resolve from within you though meditation, prayer or stay away from the source of hurt for a while.

7.   Accept an apology: Even that could be challenging! Remember the function of the mind is to remember and store information. This is why you rather find such resolution from your heart and not the mind.

The health and spiritual consequences of not forgiving your spouse!
They seem to have remembered their vows!
While we often focus on the physical self, in essence we are spirit beings with souls; living in physical bodies.  The issue of forgiveness demonstrates this truth:
1.   Health: According to Dr. Steven Standifort, the Chief Surgery at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America indicates that most cancer patients are living with various forms of anger. They have not learned to move past their emotional wounds.

2.   Spiritual: Love is the common factor for most religious beliefs. You cannot love anyone without making a provision for forgiveness. You can only forgive when you apply the godly principle of forgiving countless time so that the Creator can forgive you all the time. That is fair! Failure to comply with His principle of unconditional love would negatively impact on your relationship with Him.


Taking control of your life is about weeding out any clutters that could hinder your upward mobility. Of utmost importance is to assess how clear you really are in forgiving your spouse unreservedly. It would be satisfying to look back and see that you have indeed successfully learned to ignore hurts or have positively dealt with them. It is a process of spiritual maturity.