Create-a-new life!

Monday, 14 March 2016

Taking control: Check the level of compatibility with your fiancée!

If she dislikes your sweaty outfit, it will not change....!

Compatibility goes deeper than discussing hobbies; your list must include the subjects we normally rather not talk about. It is observing how you address each other regarding issues; how both of you response to spirituality, political affiliation, illness, parents needs and housekeeping styles.

Compatibility concept defined!
Compatibility at the level of two partners intending to get married is a serious process of learning each partner’s normal behavior objectively; that is, letting love not to blind you on negative cues you picked on unguarded moments. According to Mental Help site’s definition, compatibility includes friendship, social roles expectations, emotional intimacy, sexual expectations and life goals.

Challenging subjects check list for fiancée level of compatibility!
This article addresses challenging subjects which often most couples avoid to address and yet later become the root of conflicts in marriage. During dating the following subjects must be addressed calmly and objectively:
1.   Spirituality: If you are not worshipping together, it is critical to discuss and agree on individuality of spiritual beliefs and how that will affect your parenting style as a couple.

2.   Political affiliation: Like spirituality, political affiliation is a sensitive subject. Fix it so that you can clear it if it is one of the deciding factors.

Emotional intimacy is feeling completely safe even  in
vulnerable times....
3.   Social roles expectations: Before you tie the knot would it not be helpful to know that your wife can only cook breakfast? It would be better to help her cook if you are the type that enjoys family meals. For an example you can make this a fun time to ease any discomfort and boost her confidence in the kitchen. 

4.   Parental social and financial support: As parents age, they become ill and expect social and financial support from their children. This must apply in both parties’ parents. The ideal way to provide for this imminent period of declining health is to find a suitable insurance cover so that it will not infringe on your children’s budget. You must also agree on whether you will find a good old age home to send them there if there are no safe alternatives.  

5.   Commitment during the couple’s illness: Have you seriously considered life’s mishaps where one of you get ill or lose a limb in an accident? Well; you better do! For ‘better or worse’ includes such incidentals. This is a challenge for men because it is not a common social role he learned as part of male child socialization.

6.   Housekeeping styles: It addresses small domestic norms like toilet use and hygiene, keeping the home clean by not stepping over the door mat; cleaning the dishes and emptying trash bag after supper could be a source of conflict.

7.   Approach for addressing issues: If you have not had a fight, be careful; it could be that what you see is a tip of an iceberg. Why? Because it is important to experience your disagreement. Life is not a bed of rose; even roses have thorns! It could be that you have already succumbed to a controlling environment and you call it normal because you are in love.

This list is not exhaustive; however, it indicates the complexity of staying with a stranger for the rest of your life without stressing each other. Most pre-counseling therapies list the so called ‘important points’ indicated under the definition of compatibility. Paying attention to details in this subject may sound like splitting hairs hence their omission.  Taking control of your life is being careful to pay attention to details. You have to make informed decision when it comes to your fiancée’s level of compatibility.