Taking control: How to analyze the need to start over your new life!

Mankind is a social being; therefore finding someone to walk with is ideal! Nonetheless do not be afraid to start over when there is no solution  to disharmony!

Starting over is a core principle of change and cuts across major subjects, affects social groups,  is necessary for career prospects and personal growth endeavors in general. It occurs out of scrutiny and need to improve spiritually and or socially. It is a life changing decision.

Introspection phase of starting over!

Almost all people take time to make decision to start over a new life because such a decision needs a clear mind.  There is a lot of self-talk; mostly struggling with the cost of losing support from parents and or your children. This is normal because a subconscious mind dislike change. All archived information and experiences that create the kind of a person you have become form a sort of environment that you mind will tolerate and create defense mechanism to maintain the existing conditions. The following include basic questions you are likely to ask yourself when contemplating to leave the toxic relationship to start over a new life:

·        Am I satisfied or happy with life? That question will lead you nowhere because it is too broad!  So, it is best to categorize life in three components that make life complete; relationships, health and wealth. Life changing decisions require specific answer like this; Am I satisfied with this relationship? The answer is ‘yes I am satisfied and happy; or no, I need to start over elsewhere!’  The answers respond to relationship which might have caused you depression or high-blood pressure or loss of a house you purchased together and failed to pay because one of the partners breached the terms of the commitment.

·        Do I have power to change the existing unpleasant situation? If you thinking you could change yourself to bring a positive energy into the relationship without being delusional; you can get started working on you to bring that perceived change.  Note that if change must be from your partner as well, you have no power to change him or her. In principle, if you cannot change your behavior to make the situation better, your option is to remove yourself from the situation.

·        Am I prepared to face new challenges in starting over?  Weighing the consequences of starting over requires clarity of the mind so that you could review your perception of your current beliefs and values. To be objective about this exercise, take a pen and paper and write down your reasons why you need to start over and what you expect that would achieve:

1.    Revised perception about the type of relationship you want for you to know you have started over.

2.    Are you being reactive or you are truly responding to a situation that requires you to take responsibility over your life! Be clear about this: Fear or and anger will always cloud your reasoning and focus; and are likely to cause you to react to challenges from a weak position. Response on the other hand will allow you to express your emotion with control and therefore not derail you from your identified concerns or what you want to achieve.

3.    Starting over could give you an opportunity to expand your scope of solving your challenges and face your own emotional anchors. 

4.    You decide to start over because:

a)   You realize that you are not able to change the way you live and have no room to grow and achieve your identified goals.

b)   You would rather be anywhere than where you are currently.

c)    You believe in your reasoning that you deserve better than what you are receiving.

d)   You know that you can produce better results with renewed thinking and strategies.

e)   You trust in your inner voice; that knowing that gives you peace to move forward.

f)    You know that if you have failed because of unbelief and other hurdles from your partner’s side, you want to proof to yourself that you are capable and want to remove the blame you attached to external factors.

g)   You are the only one who knows what you want and cannot make progress with the current partner who is oblivious of your vision.  

We all learn from our mistakes; starting over therefore is a normal route to try again. This is one of those decisions you want to take without pressure from anyone.  You need to make this as logical as possible because it is indeed a life changing step. The fear of unknown is normal; however, staying at crossroads with regrets for unfulfilled goals is shooting yourself on the foot. Taking time in this phase of internalizing your thoughts and feelings is highly recommended so that you know without doubt that starting over is your only solution for the current situation!