Taking control: How to overcome emotional pain and move on!

Learn how to heal emotional pain....!!!

Pain is any feeling or experience that is devoid of joy, happiness, pleasure and gratitude. All these emotions are byproduct of love. Pain is lack of love. It is barrenness, feeling of stagnation and general non-growth.

The underlying cause of emotional pain!

Pain is subjective because it depends on the individual experiences or level of maturity. From spiritual enlightenment point of view it is non-growth and or unfulfilled needs of love. 

  

Contributing factors for emotional pain!

There are physical and emotional pains. Physical pain is the result of injurious experience to the physical body while the scope of emotional pain is wide and varies according to:

1.   Personal values: Are parameters, which guide moral and spiritual direction. If you have been raised in a family where swearing is forbidden and you get a job where swearing is a norm, you will experience a profound emotional discomfort in such an environment.

2.   Unmet Expectations: From childhood, we experienced pain when promises are not met. In romantic relationships, expectations could make or break even the seemingly strong emotion of affection. Often new lovers expect a lot of attention from each other and when this does not match the level of expectation, the other party perceive that as not committing to the relationship and often that leads to breakup.

3.   Emotional needs: Some people are victims of neglect as children and had developed deep fear of losing loved ones. Such partners are clingy and require more than normal attention which could be regarded as childish and a turn-off to the other party over a period.

4.   Social needs: Most people have limited access to resources and this contributes to significant emotional pain of lack. This could be a result of peer pressure or societal norms wherein expected social roles are not congruent to personal values and or expectations.

How to overcome and maintain non-pain life!

Pain is familiar to mankind and differs in severity and or definition in various social classes; therefore all people experience varying degree of pain.  In principle people handle life challenges depending on whether a person draws strength from within or outside as follows:  

Pain free life supports freedom to love...!

1.   Identify emotional blemishes: Understand self first in order to know how you perceive your world; this will enable you to address and remove most of the identifiable socialization clutters.

2.   Develop sustainable joy: This is a process of spiritual enlightenment wherein a person seeks internal strength to identify clutters, rebuild and shape desired behavior and establish own values from the rebirth of self. 

3.   Develop your spirituality: Man is a spiritual being with a soul, living in a body. Often our most pressing needs are social; the ego needing attention.  

4.   Understand the cardinal law of cause and effect: Life follows us. This means whatever we experience in life is the result of our own thoughts, feelings, words and actions. The law of love governs and supports our ideal life experiences. Absence of love results in the emptiness that motivates a person to seek gratification from others. When we do not gratify this need, we aggravate the situation by focusing on the problem which attracting and developing more lack of love; leading to more emotional pain.

5.   The power of now: A person can only love effectively when the point of focus is giving love and not expecting love. Unmet expectations contribute to disappointments, anxiety and resentment.

6.   Various form of healing techniques: Help is available to let go emotional pain and enjoy your life.

Ideally we have to accept who we are and take responsibility to consciously remove any undesirable negative energy because we can become whatever we desire when we purposely concentrate on what we can be and want now.  Referring to the past to solve emotional pain is unprofitable. From the view point of positive thinking, every cloud has a silver lining. It is learning to adopt teachable attitude from all situations.

Taking control: Looking for positive distraction from emotional pain?

Positive distraction is a useful short or long-term task that helps you to engage your mind in useful activities to continue to build a better you.  It is proactive mechanism in maintaining a healthy attitude when you encounter challenges.

The function of the mind is to think and when there is nothing new to think about, you mind will continue its job of thinking which means re-thinking on the subject that is high on your personal agenda.  We regard rewinding on hot issues as normal, yet it is being absent.  You get emotional pain from another source now and if you are still rehearsing how the pain occurred, it means you are inflicting pain yourself.  As you learn to control your mind to stay conscious, the best steps to engage in positive distraction are as follows:

1. Review your resume: Going through your resume will help you to remember the road you traveled and your achievements.  It is common to put your personal goals on hold when you get into a long-term relationship and tend to make skewed compromises that seek to build it. Your resume will reflect your academic achievements you have not researched on in terms of professional career open for you.  Often when you love someone, you make a mistake of consulting and looking for approval and get trapped in agreeing to pursue what is suggested.  So, go back to your history of what you have achieved and see what you need to build on to meet your updated goals.

2. Re-visit your personal goals: This step is very important because you need to decide where you want to be and how to get there on your own without inputs from anybody who is not a professional career guidance authority. I know of a friend whose partner encouraged her to do masters in psychology when she wanted to do dentistry.  The boyfriend got interested in another girl and they separated.  The lady had double pain of wasted two years in the professional field she really did not want; and a broken heart from the trusted friend. This may mean nothing to you, but I learned to not involve another person on matters as serious like career.  I therefore suggest you remember to define your destiny in a manner that will include long-term relationship but not divert or exclusively disregard your road to attain your upward mobility.

3. Further your studies: Education changes a person and its validity transcends the grave.   It is a best distraction which will help you to maintain your mental health and boost your economic condition after separation or divorce.  Studies indicates common decline of financial capacity following separation or divorce.  This situation could have a long-term negative impact on the children education plans, health and level of lifestyle.

Nature hates gaps.  Opting to pursue further studies on your preferred profession is the best distraction which will help you to spend your time profitably.  Education will sustain your negatively affected self-worth due to failed relationship.  When you get that good grade, you will feel much better and ready to move to higher level alone or with your children! You would have learned how to take control of your life! 

Taking control: When you forgive, you cut your social and spiritual chains!

Forgiveness is a conscious release of positive emotions that neutralize the negative ones and causes a person to experience spiritual and psychological relief.  It heals emotional pains and offers a considerable degree of general social well-being.

As a spiritual being you are inclined to experience a discomfort when you do not forgive others.  Let me explain: Your Creator is Love and you come out of Him. Unlike other living things that were created with the word from His mouth, you were created with His hands from the soil and He gave you His breath and you became a living being.  You are part of Him and you cannot function effectively outside love. This is why God had to forgive you in order to maintain this co-existence. It is this distinct degree of attention to your make-up that makes you to be a loving being with an authority over other inhabitants of the earth.  Mankind is therefore the physical revelation of God and could only be well when is aligned to His nature.

Look around and notice how mankind reacts to social injustice! Why is it that we have some degree of respect for others even in the most uncultured societies?  Why would somebody who has provided for his family care about others in far places and feels obliged to share his wealth? It is because love is ingrained in us and is a core of our being and livelihood. Let me highlight spiritual and social issues caused by not forgiving others:

1.    Spiritual chains: If you do not forgive you will lose your anointing; the delegated spiritual power that is intended to minister to others to attain acceptable and sustainable spiritual health. Your realization of the lack of wellness starts within you because you are a spirit being which normally compels you to seek help from the Creator who is Higher source of life for all creation. For an unbeliever this need is likely to cause one to find and participate in less desirable forms of spiritual activities.  Such state would manifest in crime and general inhuman behavior which the social justice systems deal with by keeping the perpetrators in prisons or rehabilitation centers.

2.    Social chains: A person who is not able to forgive others is neither likable nor lovable and experience challenges in relationships. Consider this: Life is about relationships! For an example, if your parents spoke blasphemous words over you because you did something they consider socially bad, they have cursed you! Words are powerful and parents must be aware of this fact and chose their words when they reprimand their children.  Consequently, if you do not forgive those who cursed you, you remain in bondage too.  Why is this important? It is because it violates the principle of love; which says love does not keep record of wrongs and does not delight in negative emotions.

The Creator demands that we bear with one another because practically nobody is immune to offending others even those confessed to be loved.  When you decide to take control of your life, you must let go of the wrongs and forgive unconditionally. Only then can you really start over a new chapter of your life – free to experience the joy of aligning with your Creator!