Create-a-new life!

Tuesday, 9 August 2016

Taking control: Are you stuck in a cold marriage?

There is a lot of space which shout how bored you are ....
but you can heal the cold marriage!

Marriage is a divine union of male and female created to legitimize the children so that they may be socialized into spiritually and socially regulated environment. Love is therefore a given catalyst that enables individual persons to select each other to perform these functions.

Cold marriage defined!
Cold marriage denotes lack of emotional intimacy wherein the couple leaves a lot of safe emotional gap because trust was never developed or was broken. In intimate relationship trust is a complete openness of personal thoughts, feelings, aspirations and limitations; disclosed unashamed to each other. This disclosure heals the childhood socialization anchors and creates a fresh foundation to experience a healthy strong relationship.

Contributors of a cold marriage!
Cold marriage often is a result of short-cuts when dating. Ideal dating has twelve steps which are meant to allow the couple to slowly develop intimacy.  This approach allows each party to know each other before engaging in physical intimacy which often hurts when later one or both parties discover things they cannot compromise about. This is not the case in Christian dating wherein physical intimacy is not allowed at all. Missing links in intimacy and trust includes the following:
1.    Lack of accurate information: Some people are ashamed of their family background and omit unpleasant but vital information that could enable the other party to understand some or most of the habits or personal blemishes. Most of us come from dysfunctional families and while it is not comfortable to disclose such information, it is important to allow the other party to commit to you knowing that there could be psychological issues to work on.  
2.    Psychological issues: They include personal attributes which you may not know their cause but you are aware they contribute to most of your failures. These socialization anchors are important to disclose so that the other party may provide necessary support.
3.    Poor communication: Married couple is referred to as being one. Poor communication is characterized by leaving words or ideas that matters. For an example, if you do not tell your partner how you really feel when he or she says intimate stuff, or dressed in a certain way, then you are not intimate with him or her. You still have no clue of what makes her or him tick. Poor communication will not allow you to be vulnerable. Often that space would require satisfaction by form of a love affair.

Breaking the ice of cold marriage!
Do not let ego ruin your marriage....simply
let go and allow yourself to trust someone! 
Breaking the ice means both partners must create a day in which they would come clean about committing to the relationship. This must be a special day wherein you could include the following steps to break the ice:
1.    Private space: This excludes the restaurant. You may take a trip away from home and in the privacy of your hotel room, pour yourselves out; leaving nothing. If you feel challenged, write your issues and exchange the notes. Allow each one to read and ask questions. Allow whatever emotion that would surface to come unedited. This is learning to be vulnerable! Express your love and compassion to lead you in whatever direction. End this session by burning the expressed issues and express your commitment to each other from that point.
2.    Walk the talk: Act your reminders. This means you know when your partner wants to say something and the old anchors wants to rear their ugly face to stop that vulnerability. Just embrace and encourage love to break that barrier of communicating whatever is bothering him or her. This way you are allowing love to break any fear or and shame. Allow love to be a consuming fire that burns the bridges of the past to usher you into the future of bliss!

Taking control of your life is swimming up the stream to find your joy. Relationship challenges even the strong and brave person to flinch and hide and lead unfulfilled or be tempted to find strangers to fulfill their inner most needs. Let your man or woman be your closest friend and together explore yourselves until you know that you would not want to start that kind of journey with anyone else. Let love do everything for you; including opening the doors of joy for you and make your marriage a haven and place of unrestricted joy.