Create-a-new life!

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Taking Control: How to cut-loose shyness in intimate relationship!

Every child is born free and embracing life until someone dish out  mixed
messages about good manners....!

Every infant is born a free being and a potential genius - confident, happy and capable of learning anything. This means that shyness or any limitations are learnt behavior following unpleasant experiences. Most people developed emotional blemishes that led to shyness from childhood socialization.

Shyness defined!
A shy person is one who fears to make mistakes; one who doubts own capability to perform tasks unaided. The underlying factor is a negative thinking wherein fear supersedes motivation to be proactive and creative. Shyness is avoiding accountability for individual thoughts, words and actions; preferring those dictated by other people.

Impact of shyness in intimate relationships!
Shy persons are unable to make decisions because they fear risks and accountability. We all know that intimate relationship develops from trusting own instincts and strengths to overcome whatever is unknown about the other person. In other words, when deciding to allow another person in your life, you took a risk of thinking outside the box; consciously allowing and accepting change to occur. The impact of shyness in intimate relationship includes the following:
1.   Skewed relationship: One way communication contributes to unfulfilling relationship because in principle, it takes two people to contributes ideas, discuss and to create new and strong foundation of an intimate relationship. A shy person lacks helpful contribution in relationships.
2.   Encourage abusive behavior: A shy person is a potential victim of controlling or abusive relationships because he or she fears to trust own intuition and would compromise or allow unfavorable conditions to prevail.
3.   Low level of growth: A shy person avoid accountability therefore does not learns from own mistakes. Mistakes are stepping stones that lead to new and empowering knowledge and experiences. Many important discoveries are the results of continuing studies to refine the existing mistakes of innovative ideas. You learn better each time you make wrong decision because you rethink and research more to improve the existing thought and strategies.

How to overcome shyness in an intimate relationship!
Shy persons make lonely partners. Please help! 
A learnt behavior like shyness can be unlearnt. In intimate relationship, the catalyst for desired behavior is love and trust. Love is known to remove 
childhood blemishes including shyness. Why? Because love is a positive energy and shyness is a byproduct of fear. The continual embracing of a negative energy renders a person unproductive. Whenever a positive energy comes into a scene, it neutralizes and nullifies the negativity and ignites a childhood freedom from any fear because of the following principles:
1.   The attributes of the natural law of love: In principle, love and fear cannot occupy one space. Positive energy is far more powerful than a negative one.
2.    Love liberates: A shy person who is encouraged to love will let go fear naturally. The partner who has this revelation could tap into the innermost feelings and remove all types of fear of her or his partner as follows:
a)  Take baby steps in building confidence: Do house chores together first and then withdraw slowly so that the shy partner could develop confidence which will ignite self-expression through thoughts, words and actions.
b)  Engage in playful ‘surprise games’: Shy persons are mostly not present (meaning not fully conscious of all senses); it is therefore important to teach them to be fully alert of all senses and most importantly, the feelings. A shy partner is likely to be liberated and expressive if encouraged to participate in less serious and playful scenes wherein he or she could guess what is appealing to his or her partner. Give glues that will enable a shy person to feel less intimidated. That behavior will eliminate the fear of making mistakes and build confidence.

Taking control of your life is making efforts to remove hurdles by reaching from within, to access the given personal strengths. It is remembering that as a child you were fearless, eager to learn and happy being. Since most of us are products of other people’s (care-givers) emotional blemishes, we developed various defense mechanisms which further complicate relationships. In essence there is smaller number of ‘normal’ people. To have baggage-free emotional intimate partners, we have to clean up socialization issues through love and trust which are proven catalysts that change behavior for optimal intimate relationships.