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Sunday, 29 November 2015

Taking Control: Guiding factors in choosing a marriage partner?

Whatever you ask in prayer, it shall be given!

Choosing a mate is a serious step because it is permanent. Those who engage in it must therefore be mature and well informed about key components of sexual love. In some cultures parental involvement is stronger and actually carries more weight than what a couple feels and or think.

What is a marriage?
Marriage is a life-long bond of the two whole persons –spirit soul and body - who agree to give themselves to each other and understand that they will leave their parents and relatives and jointly start a new chapter together. Christian marriage emphasis leaving and cleaving to denote that both man and woman will withhold nothing and therefore will share all resources. This means a strong union that is referred to as “one flesh”. Another important aspect is a promise to socialize their offspring according to the principles and guidelines of God who designed the marriage.

Guiding factors in choosing a marriage partner!
There are key factors to consider when choosing a marriage partner which depend on social and or religious requirements.  In many societies, social norms comes first and are the basis upon which parents and religious leaders take the next step of matrimonial processes.  Those who consider marriage often consult life coaches, marriage counselor or parental guidance after having gone through the first phase of selection which we call dating. The dating process is based on the following:
1.    Attractiveness – This starts the whole process of dating.  Although the chemistry is important, it could be misleading if is not aligned to engaging other faculties other than the mind.  A male or female with physical fitness, mental alertness, and a clear intellectual and professional direction is stimulating.  Since attractiveness is subjective, it requires a period of verification so that it could be internalized to validate its authenticity.   
Compatibility includes TRUE LOVE!
2.    Compatibility – This can only be established if the couple is open.  Christians are encouraged to choose a mate from the Christians congregation to ensure compatibility. First norm in Christian principles is sexual abstinence which is the easiest way of shunning the wrong mate. I call it wrong because the common root of low self-esteem issues is dumped girls after they have been violated. This valuable criterion is being looked down upon because experimenting with sex is a norm these days and is therefore a first test to be accepted.  
3.   The family background – It is wise to know the family background to have an idea of the environment in which your lifetime partner was socialized into, because such knowledge will reveal childhood issues which influence the way he or she makes decisions.  Besides; you must note that all family members and their closely kept secrets of fights will affect you in the future.
4.   Education differences – Both parties could be well read but their profession could be incompatible. On the other hand, if one is lower, it could create a gap which ultimately would cause low self esteem issues.
5.   Culture and social environment  Never overlook the power of culture if you are a modern person who has moved away from extended family circles in rural areas. It must be addressed and clearly understood.
6.   Personal differences – If one party is a carefree and the other is cautious; the relationship will be negatively affected.  It is therefore important to disclose hobbies. For an example one party is an outdoor person and the other loves watching television and reading. Will there be a compromise!

Taking control of your life denotes careful analysis of the above factors and add it to your list. Remember that this beautiful person in your life is a spiritual being and therefore it is wise to do your own research on spiritual issues that are likely to build a wall of separation between you in future. Do listen to parental inputs, but it has to be your decision.   It is critical to not rush the process and be rational about finding somebody who will love you unconditionally.  It means finding someone who practices the principle of positive thinking; or has explored the principles of spiritual enlightenment.