Taking control: How to let-go rejection and embrace self-contentment!

If you dwell on rejection, your become a prisoner ...! Be content with life now!

Mankind is a social being; seeking to be loved and accepted by parents, family, community and the world at large. The most common emotional wound is rejection. The remedy is learning to be content with yourself, regardless of circumstances. This is a life-long process of redefining and molding a new-you.

Rejected for maintaining your personal principles!

Rejection is painful even if it is due to your high moral standards. It is double-injurious when it occurs following a compromise that lowers values and or personal moral standards. Before you let anyone override your personal principles, remember that it is almost impossible to be perfect for anybody. In other words, it is important to be yourself and let someone love you for who you are. That kind of relationship is likely to survive the normal adjusting phase as you decide whether you can live with someone’s habits and lifestyle. Forsaking your principle will not only result in resentment, it reveals that you do not value yourself. It could be a revelation that you have a low self-esteem. If you are rejected because of your high standards, be happy! You have successfully managed to weed-out your emotional garden; you have made a clear statement that you are in control of your inner space.

Rejected after compromising your values!

Rejection after compromising personal values is common among teens because it occurs during a phase where the need for sense of belonging is very important. Often young adults regard values learned from parents as not ‘cool’ and learn the hard way that lowering standards is emotionally costly. Young girls get hard-hit by the first love rejection wherein such emotional trauma could lead to self-doubt or and fear of committing to relationships later in life. It is said that most street girls have trapped emotional trauma from rejection. The tendency is to take love out of the equation to the extent of making this sacred act of love, a business transaction.

How to embrace self-contentment!

The simplicity of life is HOW you define it...!

Self-contentment is a byproduct of enlightenment. It is the evidence of spiritual growth which enables you to see the world from the holistic view. Embracing self-contentment is therefore a necessary journey which requires you to practice the following life-style:

1.    Be content with the totality of who you are – strengths and weaknesses.

2.    Keep your life simple: Get out of the fast lane and stressful environment of high expectations that are beyond your current resources.

3.    Be patient with yourself when weeding out those undesirable habits. Do not be anxious nor judge yourself when you relapse.

4.    Keep taps on your life: Life does not happen to you; you create it every moment when you allow your mind to be on auto-pilot mode. The remedy is to be alert and leave a balanced life according to you.

5.    Choose to be happy regardless of the circumstances; learn to be optimistic about your personal growth.

6.    Be content with yourself: Gradually address your emotional baggage through other non-conventional healing techniques such as EFT, NLP and Emotion Code.

7.    Increase your self esteem by writing your strengths and your weaknesses and daily commit to affirming your strengths. This will diminish your focus and awareness of your short-comings.

8.    Take care of your physical body: You feel good when you have adequate weight; pay attention to grooming. Adopting a happy attitude will greatly enhance your natural beauty and attract pleasant and helpful people to you.

9.    Appreciate life: When you love yourself, you will not allow others to abuse you. You will appreciate nature and its abundance. The universe will respond favorable to your positive energy by giving back that which you give, multiplied.

10. Love unreservedly; it is as natural as breathing!

Letting go rejection is a conscious decision to take control of your life by ensuring that you are proactive towards positive change; socially, physically and spiritually. Embracing life is about being optimistic and expressing gratitude with your thoughts first and openly by loving others unconditionally. Rejection denotes withholding love; it is regarded as the root of many emotional and physical ailments.

  

Taking control: How failures could be stepping stones to personal growth!

The eagle is focused on the goal of getting food of crossing over storms.
Let perseverance be your personal growth value! 

Personal growth is a process of transformation from the negative lane in which negative energy motivates your thoughts and actions to consistently function as a positive being. The action of crossing into the personal growth is generated by conscious tapping into the positive socialization experiences and learned behavior acquired though other social institutions.

Failure defined!

Failure is a description of unsuccessful strategies towards planned actions. It is missing how to achieve goals in the most effective and efficient way.

Contributing factors to failure!

Whenever failure occurs, it is important to observe that there are two types of common contributors – external and internal factors:

1.   External factors to failure.

External factors are those obstacles caused by the environment and other sources which happen without your control. For an example, your business could fail due to fuel price increase which required you to increase the prices of goods you are selling to cover your cost. If the sales decrease continued and ultimately forced you to close your business, then your action to close was beyond your control.

2.   Internal factors to failure.

Internal factors to failures pertain to you; the totality of all components of who you are such as mental, emotional and spiritual faculties. Often you may not be aware that your worst enemy is you; your thoughts and feelings because they have a direct bearing and influence on your decision and how you react to the environment.  These habits and flaws are manifestation of childhood experiences that occurred during your first eight years and form your values and beliefs systems; they are central to how you manage your life – relationships, finances, career and your health. 

How to use failure as stepping stones to personal growth!

The first step is recognizing failure as the effect of something you did that simply provide a feedback, otherwise known as the law of cause and effect. The law of cause and effect denotes that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Applying this principle means that:

a)   You have a responsibility to determine what you want by identifying specific things and actions you have to do. For an example you could redefine your objective to include the learning phase so that you can allow errors while executing planned actions; thus giving yourself an opportunity to regard mistakes as an arena to refine strategies.

b)   You make choices and then take actions. It is important to believe in your ability to generate positive energy that will cause desired results. There is power in deliberate and focused attention to the quality of your thoughts, feelings and actions.

c)    Success takes time – persevere in seeing your mistakes as learning curves that enhances your experience on that particular plan.

Your efforts to reposition your refined strategy should include self-assessment of who you are. What is the quality of your thoughts and feeling from which your actions come from? Remember that most of who you are may not be fully be at your conscious level.  Your subconscious mind houses your archived systems and includes a blue print of your beliefs and values regarding relationships, finance and health. Often this archived information is not accurate; nonetheless it influences all your decisions. In order to learn from daily experiences, the following three questions will help you to regard the failures as your stepping stones to life experiences:

a)   What did I learn from this incident?  Calm yourself and answer this question as objectively as you can.

b)   How can I benefit from this experience?  Remember, you have no power over anybody except yourself! This means you can only change you by being aware of the contributing factors to your failure.

c)    What are three positive things about this situation? Do your best to identify your learning curve. Note that your mind, which houses your ego, will resist finding positive lessons in your failure. Allow yourself to feel the hurt of failure without labeling yourself; that which you feel now will build you if you do not associate it with negative emotions you experienced from those who socialized you.

Personal growth occurs when you are aware of the need to change your perception about unsuccessful experiences. It denotes taking decisive action to move from the comfort zone of undesirable habit or and fear of failure to experience the transition of actual action of running in a new lane of reform towards success.

Taking control: Use Emotional Intelligence to increase your circle of influence!

Emotional intelligence is an ability to pay attention to who you are for the purpose of improving your content -learned emotions, behavior, beliefs and values  and reconfigure yourself to operate at optimum level. It is a process of effectively removing clutter and learning to become conscious of the nature and power of your thoughts, words and actions on you and others.

What is an Emotional Intelligence?

Is behavior model that seek to guide a person to identify and understand the underlying motivation of the cognitive processes which enable a person to relieve stress, improve communication, empathize with others and most importantly, resolve conflict.

Why do you need emotional intelligence?

Mankind is a social being. At birth you have minimal hurtful nature but your social environment equip you during the first eight years with both good and bad information and experiences to become a person you are.  There are fewer good people who have compassion and seek to nurture others and have charisma to attract others.  When you look around you will notice that crime is prevalent across age groups: For example, an adult experience fear when passing young boys at street corner because moral values have declined so low that people hurt each other without reason.  Crime is a deciding factor concerning where you want to live; how you design your house and demand that you keep your gate locked.  Fear is a negative emotion and is bound to affect you deeper and exude a negative energy which repels people. Emotional intelligence is a tool for you to measure the quality of your content and has also become helpful as a recruitment tool for lead positions.  

How you can use Emotional Intelligence!              

Emotional Intelligence has four attributes: self-awareness, self-management; social-awareness and relationship management. When we seek to address community issues; the most effective approach is to educate individuals on the principle that, you can only change you and also change what you have identified as needing change. Self-awareness is a starting point for any change. It entails becoming conscious of the quality of your thoughts, your words and actions. Emotional intelligence enables you to focus on your emotional patterns; responses and reactions to your social environment. Knowing your personality type will help you to review your short and long-term plans. The most practical way to use emotional intelligence is to learn who you are by writing down the following basic questions and answers:

1.    What am I thinking now? Ask yourself this question and attempt to answer it without editing your thoughts. Remember you want to identify the underlying motivation for thinking what you are thinking?

2.    Do I love myself and family?  Some people are not aware that they do not love themselves. List all members and indicate reservations if any. These remarks will help you to evaluate your emotional issues.

3.    What experiences (good and bad) do I recall?  The purpose is to identify any discomfort which may indicate harboring anger, resentment and other negative emotions.

4.    What personality type am I? (Write your strengths and weakness). This will help you to see the pattern of response and reaction – how you impact other people.

5.    Write down what you recall about your parents and grant parent. You will be amazed how little offenses tend to linker in your subconscious mind. Do not judge them; simply note how you feel about each one of them. Remember you want to off-load negative energy!

6.   Write down the name of your friends, and what you like or dislike about each one of them?

7.    Highlight your short and long-term goals: Do you have a vision?  What is your burning desire? Are your current activities parts of your vision? What resources do you need most to achieve your goals. This will show you how confused or focused you are and indicate your anchors – expressed and implied hindrances.

Emotional intelligence is a tool that can assist you to be alert about who you are; and accurately point at your temperament.  When you know your emotional issues, you will successfully learn to manage them; thus empowering you to operate from your strengths. You will be able to see these in others and learn how to approach them. This knowledge will display charisma and attract influential people to your circle. 

 

Taking control: Personal growth goals – How to transform self limiting thought!

Personal growth goals are life compass which point to your desired destination.  They are mechanism through which you channel your motivation to undertake your daily planned activities; thus enabling you to acquire a sense of achievement within a predetermined period of manifestation of success. 

Personal growth goals in 2015

A New Year is celebrated in various ways globally and to many, it is regarded as starting a new chapter of life in which personal goals are reviewed and remedial measures are evaluated along with improved strategies.  All these point to personal growth efforts to shape and accelerate success from both social and economic perspectives.  Because whatever you did and will do in the future starts with thoughts, it is logical that you evaluate how you process information from thoughts and talk to implementation stage.  Most of us suffer from self-limiting thoughts which subsequently sabotage our good intentions to generate positive energy around our lives.  The purpose of this article is to help you to first be aware that you have been curtailing your success efforts through allowing self-limiting thoughts to crawl in and douse your dreams.  Secondly recognize limiting thoughts, and thirdly transform your life through continuous upgrading of your level of consciousness of your potential.

How to transform self-limiting thoughts

The following are self-limiting processing of information about self which lead to general low self regard:

1.   The feeling of not being enough: Is a result of socialization issues caused by constant negative correction of behavior and activities versus approval of the same and poor expression of achievements. It is a form of classical conditioning wherein you continue inflicting emotional degradation to the point of ripping yourself of any motivation to be daring or innovative.  When you become too obsessed with not failing you get what is in your mind - which is failing to have confidence in you.

Remedial action: Remember that you are unique and no other person could produce what you can. So, form a hedge of protection of your uniqueness and undiscovered talents that come with it.  Whenever you have an idea about starting a business for example; simply think it over and do it.  The chances are if you disclose the idea to someone you think you trust or admire, and it is beyond your hero scope of comprehension, it will be discredited or adjusted. Do not allow people to alter your dream.  You are the only one who could generate enough positive energy to bring it to fruition.  Go ahead and do it according to you!

2.   The feeling of not having enough resources:  The most important step here is to let go of the myth about money being the determining factor to start a business.  Yes it is important, but should not stop you to design your business at a level you are at. For example, think of a teenage boy who starts a car-wash business with a bucket of soapy water, two rugs, a brush and collecting pan.  He implements the car-washing idea and earns $5 in two hours. The idea did not depend on money, but money is definitely a necessary resource to grow the idea to fully automated car-wash business.

Remedial action: Go back to your drawing board and think of activity that can earn you money so that you can do what you really want to do! Avoid putting your ideas on hold; rather think of phase one (funds raising activity) which would finance phase two and subsequent businesses ideas.

Inclusion of non-financial factors in executing personal growth plans

For any idea to roll from thought to a real success, you need:

·        Conviction: Ensure that your faith in your ability is fueled by inner positive energy which in essence is more powerful than money. Conviction will generate ideal environment for other resources to multiply.

·        Persistence: Most of good inventions were spiced with many failures. Redefine failure as an opportunity to discover what not to do; and an opportunity to refine your thoughts!

·        Concentration: Your mind is capable of achieving most of your dreams; the sad truth is that you sabotage your plans through not being focused.

·        Application of other senses: Go beyond five senses to include feelings – intuition. Develop this inbuilt mechanism that will accurately tell you when you are running in your lane of success.

Personal growth goals are mandatory for fulfilled life. Without them your daily activities lack purpose.  It is the right time of the year to find a quite place to get stated by writing down your thoughts; always focusing on what you want to achieve and avoiding detailed strategies of how you will get there!  

Taking control: How emotional intelligence contributes to success!

Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand the underlying feelings behind your emotions and those of other people; thus enabling you to constructively maintain desired goals for interacting with others.

Why is emotional intelligent important?

Emotional intelligence deciphers the degree of a person’s skill in handling hurdles and resilience to restore necessary harmony in the context of social institutions. It is important because conflict is part of groups dynamic and therefore need to be managed in order to shape and maintain ideal objective stance in private or various organized settings.  For instance, the use of emotional intelligence enables an employer to establish potential career pointers in prospective employees through the recruitment and selection process. High grades are attractive for any employer, but emotional attributes matters if such a person would be responsible for handling customers.  Emotional intelligence is a key deciding factor for such positions because an employer wants to retain existing clients and attract new ones.  That could only happen if a person handling customers is able to identify and manages problematic people.

How to recognize emotional intelligence?

The emotional intelligence theory identifies five characteristic:

1. Self-awareness: Ability to recognize own emotions and their cause by maintaining high consciousness in order to make rational decisions. For an example, knowledge of personal strengths and weaknesses and ability to develop the given talents and spiritual gifts.
2. Self-regulation: Is an ability to monitor response versus reaction to an environment and ensures objectivity of own or other person’s actions.   When you see your own mistakes and readily learn to correct them, it indicates you ability to grow and maintain your credibility.
3. Self-motivation: Ability to seek solutions to problems is ideal in both private and corporate settings.  The helpful approach is asking yourself how you can solve a challenge rather that dwell on who caused it or why the problem exists.
4. Empathy: Ability to recognize the feelings of other and willingness to restore harmony.  It is noting human inefficiencies without being judgemental. 
5. Effective relationships: Ability to identify contributors of conflict in relationships which includes poor communication of different personal values, perceptions, social roles, personal styles, goals, and allocation or access to resources.

 

Emotional intelligence is associated with exceptional skills in interacting with people and getting the best out of them.  This is ideal because you need to connect with people to learn from them and get their assistance in your chosen fields.  Taking control denotes assessing your level of success in influencing people to respond positively to your ideas, leadership and vision.

Taking control: Is shyness sabotaging your personal growth plan?

Shyness is not being able to express or participate meaningfully to what you know would be beneficial to your personal growth.  It is in-congruence of the will to take the process of thinking to fruition; thus displaying inaccurate level of cognitive competence.

Shyness is classified under personality and clinical psychology as a dysfunctional behavior.  It affects people socially, causing anxieties; performance difficulties in the presence of other people; public speaking; lack of assertiveness and social contact with the same or opposite sexes.  A shy person is not able to reveal knowledge and therefore could easily not be promoted to leadership positions because of projected inability to speak assertively with subordinates.  The following steps would help you to self-diagnose shyness and unlearn the behavior:

1.    Identify the problem – It is important to take stock of your reaction whenever you have to speak in the presence of other people. I am not referring to normal flutter that is said to be normal regardless of the exposure to speak at public gatherings.

2.    Unlearn being fearful – Adopt a calm mental state in order to allow your mind to reflect on your strengths. It is important to note that you are unique and you have something that others will benefit from. You have to convince yourself that people must hear what you are thinking if you are to progress higher in your professional ladder.  Change your attitude about being fearful of making mistakes by regarding them as learning curves that are necessary to expose you to professional experiences and maturity.

3.    Manage your environment – It would help if you could ensure that you keep away from negative people who would intimidate you.  Such people normally fluff their feathers and put you on the spot unnecessarily. On the other hand, it is always easy to pick positive people:

·      They are likable and project loving and supportive atmosphere.

·       Your inner-self will draw close and feel at ease talking or responding to their conversation.

·      They radiate positive energy which makes you respond with equal enthusiasm.

·      You naturally want them to like you without having to crowd them.

4.    Positive self-talk – Write down your strengths and weaknesses; then articulate your goals.  Sit in a quiet place and analyze necessary resources you need to achieve them.  One common resource all people need to reach their goals is interacting with those who have succeeded.  This will clearly show you that you have to interact and learn from people in order to reach your goals.  Confidence comes with being prepared and will minimize low performance.  Consistency in maintaining high performance will override the fear and turn it into motivation to repeat successful behavior.

Shyness will naturally die as soon as you focus on your strengths. Appreciating your daily achievement and not judging yourself will surely enable a new behavior to emerge and stay constant.  While greatest support could come from those who are close to you; intrinsic motivation is more powerful to maintain upward mobility and holistic personal growth!