Taking control: Personal growth goals – How to transform self limiting thought!

Personal growth goals are life compass which point to your desired destination.  They are mechanism through which you channel your motivation to undertake your daily planned activities; thus enabling you to acquire a sense of achievement within a predetermined period of manifestation of success. 

Personal growth goals in 2015

A New Year is celebrated in various ways globally and to many, it is regarded as starting a new chapter of life in which personal goals are reviewed and remedial measures are evaluated along with improved strategies.  All these point to personal growth efforts to shape and accelerate success from both social and economic perspectives.  Because whatever you did and will do in the future starts with thoughts, it is logical that you evaluate how you process information from thoughts and talk to implementation stage.  Most of us suffer from self-limiting thoughts which subsequently sabotage our good intentions to generate positive energy around our lives.  The purpose of this article is to help you to first be aware that you have been curtailing your success efforts through allowing self-limiting thoughts to crawl in and douse your dreams.  Secondly recognize limiting thoughts, and thirdly transform your life through continuous upgrading of your level of consciousness of your potential.

How to transform self-limiting thoughts

The following are self-limiting processing of information about self which lead to general low self regard:

1.   The feeling of not being enough: Is a result of socialization issues caused by constant negative correction of behavior and activities versus approval of the same and poor expression of achievements. It is a form of classical conditioning wherein you continue inflicting emotional degradation to the point of ripping yourself of any motivation to be daring or innovative.  When you become too obsessed with not failing you get what is in your mind - which is failing to have confidence in you.

Remedial action: Remember that you are unique and no other person could produce what you can. So, form a hedge of protection of your uniqueness and undiscovered talents that come with it.  Whenever you have an idea about starting a business for example; simply think it over and do it.  The chances are if you disclose the idea to someone you think you trust or admire, and it is beyond your hero scope of comprehension, it will be discredited or adjusted. Do not allow people to alter your dream.  You are the only one who could generate enough positive energy to bring it to fruition.  Go ahead and do it according to you!

2.   The feeling of not having enough resources:  The most important step here is to let go of the myth about money being the determining factor to start a business.  Yes it is important, but should not stop you to design your business at a level you are at. For example, think of a teenage boy who starts a car-wash business with a bucket of soapy water, two rugs, a brush and collecting pan.  He implements the car-washing idea and earns $5 in two hours. The idea did not depend on money, but money is definitely a necessary resource to grow the idea to fully automated car-wash business.

Remedial action: Go back to your drawing board and think of activity that can earn you money so that you can do what you really want to do! Avoid putting your ideas on hold; rather think of phase one (funds raising activity) which would finance phase two and subsequent businesses ideas.

Inclusion of non-financial factors in executing personal growth plans

For any idea to roll from thought to a real success, you need:

·        Conviction: Ensure that your faith in your ability is fueled by inner positive energy which in essence is more powerful than money. Conviction will generate ideal environment for other resources to multiply.

·        Persistence: Most of good inventions were spiced with many failures. Redefine failure as an opportunity to discover what not to do; and an opportunity to refine your thoughts!

·        Concentration: Your mind is capable of achieving most of your dreams; the sad truth is that you sabotage your plans through not being focused.

·        Application of other senses: Go beyond five senses to include feelings – intuition. Develop this inbuilt mechanism that will accurately tell you when you are running in your lane of success.

Personal growth goals are mandatory for fulfilled life. Without them your daily activities lack purpose.  It is the right time of the year to find a quite place to get stated by writing down your thoughts; always focusing on what you want to achieve and avoiding detailed strategies of how you will get there!  

Taking control: Watch out how hallow effect affect your relationships decisions!

A relationship is a result of merging social and spiritual interests and responding positively to ensuing attraction. It is actively building a list of things you like about a person and weighing the importance of those that do not conform to your values.

How to overcome the hallow effect!

The hallow effect is the positive first impression impact which overshadows the person’s blemishes.  It is a powerful feeling of liking a person and renders your judgment skewed because you have already been won over by a particular action or behavior.  In jobs interviews, it is one element that human resources experts watch and would assist others in a panel to avoid because it would affect how they assess knowledge and skills of all interviewees objectively.  In relationships, we tend to ignore this phenomenon and fail to assess our own emotional state when we meet people who have powerful charisma.  We even disregard our gut feelings about certain cues that point to subtle negative blemishes.  You could overcome the hallow effect by considering the following pointers:

1.    Are you vulnerable? In order to evaluate your own emotional state, you have to watch how you preempt response to your questions.  For example, if you are a lady and you ask this physically attractive man what he is doing for a living and you already have potential answers, you are under a hallow effect!  In other words you will not listen objectively and therefore fail to pick cues about overstated successes or gaps on personal background.

2.    Are you under pressure to meet your personal goals? Often we set goals like these: I want to get married before I am thirty and I want to have two children by age forty five!  It is good to have goals; however when you are approaching the set dates you become anxious and desperate.  A desperate woman will attract a desperate man! I am sure this is not what you would like.  The fact is that, you have set yourself up for a disaster! You will cancel guiding principles of long-term relationships in order to validate this person whom you are attracted to.

3.    Is spirituality key and qualifying criterion? When you are emotionally vulnerable, issues of spirituality are first to be removed from the list of qualifying factors because your emotional needs have been won over! You believe a lie that when you win this man over; your love will make him give in to your spiritual needs also.  This is a vital mistake! Issues of spirituality are critical and must be agreed upon because they will affect your offspring and your parenting styles!

Marriage binds two individuals under the spiritual blood covenant.  When a couple does not worship together, the relationship develops cracks which gradually create serious communication gaps.  It follows therefore that spirituality should be key and a deciding factor to tie the knot.  You take control of your life when you are spiritually clear because that would dictate your lifestyle.  Should your spirituality be compromised because your flesh needs have been met? This is a matter that should be devoid of a hallow effect!

Taking control: Evaluate progress on your personal development!

Apart from biological development, it is expected that you upgrade your knowledge content in order to continue to explore and utilize available resources for your needs and pleasure. It is your personal responsibility therefore to identify given talents and continue to improve your skill until you depart from this life.

What is your current content?

It is possible that you have never really assessed your content against what you want in life and the actual level of relevant knowledge and skill required to achieve your goals. So, taking control of your life denotes honest assessment of who you are, what you want and how you will achieve it. Consider the following steps:

1.   Who you are and your goals: It could be that you are a student and undecided about your given talent.  It is important to seek career guidance so that you become focus as you progress to higher learning.  It could be that you have just graduated and are seeking a long-term relationship. To find ideal person requires an update on who you have become as an adult.  From infancy to date you have been socialized by your parents, schools, the church and other social institutions and therefore have shifted emotionally, socially and spiritually. Or you are happily married and want to update yourself with 21^st century parenting skills. The latter is the most ignored of all functional literacy; yet is fundamental in reducing societal ills. 

2.   Identify the gaps:  This is another important self-evaluation exercise which you need to engage in before you undertake life-changing decisions. For example, it could be that you enjoyed the false victory because you won the court-case against your wife, yet you know the truth that you contributed to the divorce. Identifying the gaps denotes seeking the inner peace or its absence.  Do you know that your inner self could haunt you and render your false victory an emotional burden which will steal your joy and peace?  Without these pillars and seed of positive growth, you are a destroyed man, without a meaningful future!

Reviewed plans for your personal development.

Now that you have identified your personal development gaps, you need clear plans and strategies that will enable you to reach your goals:

1.   Do you have a zeal for an improved life? This question is relevant to your current position and seeks to challenge you to determine the level of your motivation to exert yourself for a change.  Remember that you reap what you sow!

2.   Include yourself in resolving the root of the problem!  Immature people exclude themselves in identifying the contributing factors to the problem and therefore miss the mark in moving forward. Identifying your own blemishes is empowering yourself to change the soiled nappy so to speak, instead of adding a powder or adding a fresh one without cleaning the bottom first!  The problem will continue and growth will not be sustainable.

3.   Shout for help! Are you equipped to handle your mess? Be honest and seek professional help.  It is amazing that we all accept physical illness but are reluctant to notice our emotional instability and hurts!

Assessing your progress on personal growth is very important! It enables you to stop blaming delays or failures on others.  You take control of your life when you see your contribution in things that happen in your life – good or bad! You are the only one who knows the truth about your current challenges and therefore knows whether you are capable of making desirable changes with or without professional help! The truth will make you free!

Taking control: Looking for positive distraction from emotional pain?

Positive distraction is a useful short or long-term task that helps you to engage your mind in useful activities to continue to build a better you.  It is proactive mechanism in maintaining a healthy attitude when you encounter challenges.

The function of the mind is to think and when there is nothing new to think about, you mind will continue its job of thinking which means re-thinking on the subject that is high on your personal agenda.  We regard rewinding on hot issues as normal, yet it is being absent.  You get emotional pain from another source now and if you are still rehearsing how the pain occurred, it means you are inflicting pain yourself.  As you learn to control your mind to stay conscious, the best steps to engage in positive distraction are as follows:

1. Review your resume: Going through your resume will help you to remember the road you traveled and your achievements.  It is common to put your personal goals on hold when you get into a long-term relationship and tend to make skewed compromises that seek to build it. Your resume will reflect your academic achievements you have not researched on in terms of professional career open for you.  Often when you love someone, you make a mistake of consulting and looking for approval and get trapped in agreeing to pursue what is suggested.  So, go back to your history of what you have achieved and see what you need to build on to meet your updated goals.

2. Re-visit your personal goals: This step is very important because you need to decide where you want to be and how to get there on your own without inputs from anybody who is not a professional career guidance authority. I know of a friend whose partner encouraged her to do masters in psychology when she wanted to do dentistry.  The boyfriend got interested in another girl and they separated.  The lady had double pain of wasted two years in the professional field she really did not want; and a broken heart from the trusted friend. This may mean nothing to you, but I learned to not involve another person on matters as serious like career.  I therefore suggest you remember to define your destiny in a manner that will include long-term relationship but not divert or exclusively disregard your road to attain your upward mobility.

3. Further your studies: Education changes a person and its validity transcends the grave.   It is a best distraction which will help you to maintain your mental health and boost your economic condition after separation or divorce.  Studies indicates common decline of financial capacity following separation or divorce.  This situation could have a long-term negative impact on the children education plans, health and level of lifestyle.

Nature hates gaps.  Opting to pursue further studies on your preferred profession is the best distraction which will help you to spend your time profitably.  Education will sustain your negatively affected self-worth due to failed relationship.  When you get that good grade, you will feel much better and ready to move to higher level alone or with your children! You would have learned how to take control of your life! 

Taking control: The key to your happiness and success is within you!

The ultimate goal of all normal people is to achieve wealth and happiness which is defined in terms of good relationships and health.  The journey to access resources is personal and starts from birth and transcends the grave.  Success is ability to use given available resources to achieve personal goals.  

Joy and success defined:

Success has been redefined as nations became a global village. In the early nineteenth century, African man regarded success as owning large herds of life stock and getting married.  Then education became a catalyst of success which created a confusing scene regarding the engendered social roles. The global segregation of women to national wealth became a bone of contention as the social justice applied the principle of equal pay for equal academic qualification.  This shifted marriage as a leverage of power from men, thus giving marriage a proper context as a long-term relationship partnership between two people.

Did sour relationship put your success on hold?

Relationship, health and wealth are three key trophies we all want to have in this life.  Applying the law of cause and effect will help you understand why failed relationship stirs a series of unpleasant events that do not support upward financial and social mobility.  We note that God designed plant earth to provide all that mankind would need.  He created man out of the soil of the earth so that we could be compatible and co-exist with other inhabitants to experience the joy of accumulating wealth.  He also created marriage to demonstrate the importance of sharing wealth with a special person of your choice.  The first thing He did when Adam and Eve disobeyed Him was to withhold ease access to the wealth. It follows that failed relationship negatively impacts on your health and ability to enjoy your wealth. It disqualifies you as having adequate skill to manage and maintain intimate relationship.

How to regain your happiness and success:

We are so wonderfully made that we need very little assistance outside ourselves.  The greatest resource is your Creator.  He is the only One who really knows what your need and could provide inner wisdom to achieve your personal goal.  Failed relationship curtails the momentum of your success. It is prudent therefore not to stay down, but regain your composure and go back to your drawing board to adjust your planned activities:

1.    If your plans included your spouse or partner, you need to redefine them in order to establish if you have skills to do his part. For an example, if he was helping you to draw up a framework for consultancy, you may have to seek help or edit the whole framework.

2.   If the plan of your house included his private needs, you have to remove that, so that it could reflect you.  This way you will be motivated to build a house that meets your needs.

Taking control denotes you being a happy individual seeking another happy person to share your happiness and wealth. You cannot try to find someone so that you can be happy! The source of your happiness and success is your Creator!