Taking control: Should single mothers be equipped with parenting techniques?

Of all the things going through your mind, the most
effective route is seeking the wisdom from within
 you, the spiritual self is always knowing and
above any situation! 

The main ingredient in parenting is love because it provides physical and emotional security.  As a child develops, he/she should be empowered with accurate information and appropriate social skills. Single mothers often struggle in modeling optimum care because they lack basic parenting skills.

What are basic parenting techniques?

The most challenging parenting function is walking the talk. A single parent may read and understand the key principles of parenting but face challenges of modeling them because of her own socialization flaws.  Attempting to act on what you do not believe in could be emotionally taxing and kids are smart in picking the negative vibrations and window dressing behavior. According to Psychology and Life by Philip G. Zimbardo, getting the first desirable response from your child so that you can reinforce it is a daunting responsibility. He lists the following techniques: “ a) increasing motivation;  b)  lowering restraints; c) structuring the environment; d) forcing; e) providing a model; and f) giving instructions…”  These techniques are said to be essential in instilling desirable behavior:

1.    Increasing motivation: Most parents perform this task initially when encouraging a child to sit, walk and in potty training. This technique would apply for teaching a child how to make up a bed, tidy his/her bedroom. A single mother on the other hand lose touch because she must work to further her studies in order to maintain her upward mobility and do not have time to supervise these chores. 

2.    Lowering restraints: Denotes reducing constraints. When rules are not consistent they will eventually stop to be binding. This poses a challenge for a single mother because often she over-compensates her inability to spend quality time by overlooking non-compliance to established rules.  Violation starts when mom has to keep kids occupied and entertained by watching television.  Television is addictive and always has a negative impact on study time and performing of house chores. Once this is broken, single moms face the challenge of enforcing rules as children grow up.  

3.    Structuring the environment: Occurs when teaching siblings to work together to address competitive behavior. Competitiveness could ruin relationship between mom and kids or between siblings. A single mom must be vigilant and address this destructive behavior immediately.

4.    Forcing:  Parents apply this technique successfully until kids become teenagers. Forcing is necessary to teach a child to eat nutritious foods, do assignments before playing and waking up at a particular hour to go to school on time. This approach backfires when a child leaves home; they simply do not know how to handle their freedom. A single mom must therefore explain why certain values must be enforced.

5.    Providing a model: A child learns by imitating both parents and other adults. Since a single mom is not able to play a role of a father, this gap could lead to feelings of inadequacy for a male child. A single mom should be aware of this need before birth and seek support for trusted male relative to spend quality time with a male child during the first eight years. Basic social skills for a male child includes fishing, repairing locks, gardening and changing car tires.

6.    Giving instructions: All learning involves giving instructions. The challenge is doing so when mom is not stressed so that it becomes a coaching session not exerting power. Giving instructions from a coaching perspective is the best approach because it reflects love and will transcend all development stages.  

Most parents use trial and error approach hoping to hit on appropriate stimuli for producing desired behavior. When parents fail, they blame environment, modernized schools where kids are not punished for poor behavior and other ‘bad’ peers.  Without exception parenting is a huge task that requires accurate content and lots of unconditional love to apply all of the above techniques for deriving desirable outcome. A single parent’s role therefore is to identify and be aware of how or when own childhood issues surface. Identifying triggers could empower a single mom to be aware of the motivating factor behind her parenting style.

Taking control: Learn why the negative emotions repel wealth!

 A negative emotion is a result of mental processes that lack love.  It is being in the lowest level of your being which is detached from your highest form and therefore not complaint with the nature of your Creator to whom you are a part.

Most of us are starting over something everyday; so whatever it is that you are attempting to perfect converges to three things we all seek – wealth, health and relationships.  If you are a student, you goals require all three.  If you are a married adult, you seek increased access to money so that you can have things that you and your partner or spouse thinks will perfect your relationship.  If you are relatively comfortable with your current income but you have health issues, you are looking for means to improve that condition.  If you are a single lady recuperating from emotional wounds, you need a lot of information to correct whatever contributed to your present state of hurt; and most importantly, to access wealth so that you can experience you independence.

Why negative emotions hinder you to access wealth?

Almost all of us have experienced negative emotions.  You probably went to church to address the battle within you, and were instructed to love unconditionally. That could really sent you into a corner you rather not be; because when you are hurt, loving all people including the one who have just inflicted the most pain is hard.  You see, most of the teachers of the Scriptures are not able to explain the law of love and its relationship to the law of wealth. Some may even contribute to derailing you from the road that leads to wealth.  The Creator has a menu for wealth and in it, love is the main ingredient. It is not surprising therefore that if you are in a prolonged state of negative emotions, you will have challenges toward maintaining or creating wealth.  The key is learning the universal principles contained in the Law of Attraction:

1. The Law of Attraction simply teaches us to understand love and its impact in our environment.  The challenge is to create positive environment by limiting and eventually controlling what you hear, think and talk about!
2. The second principle relate to shifting from blaming anything to anybody because you are a creator of your life.  In other words you must first restore your own love to be able to minister to yourself, thus healing your emotions and your physical body. 
3. When you understand that you are a co-creator of everything that happens to your life, you will overcome the tendency to wallow in your self-pity of how somebody pushed you to the negative emotional state and move towards empowering yourself to access wealth. 
4. Fall in love with yourself, research this principle and see evidence of the power of love in healing life-threatening diseases like cancer.  You will be amazed how easy it is to switch off from negative into positive when you know the benefits of holistic wellness contained in the law of love. 
5. Search the internet to access work at home jobs; that will surely restore your financial muscles!

If you belong to the old school that says money is the root of all evil, you need to move from that position through guided meditations freely available in YOUTUBE.  Take control of your life and reconfigure your mind to access wealth and holistic wellness. You cannot give what you to not have.  The starting point is seeking God and developing faith in His ability to transform you to restore your love.  Remember you are made in His likeness; this is why you have creative ability like Him.  Listen to your inner self; that is where you will experience ability to live in joy and peace; both are products of love which is a key to accessing wealth!    

Taking control: Looking for positive distraction from emotional pain?

Positive distraction is a useful short or long-term task that helps you to engage your mind in useful activities to continue to build a better you.  It is proactive mechanism in maintaining a healthy attitude when you encounter challenges.

The function of the mind is to think and when there is nothing new to think about, you mind will continue its job of thinking which means re-thinking on the subject that is high on your personal agenda.  We regard rewinding on hot issues as normal, yet it is being absent.  You get emotional pain from another source now and if you are still rehearsing how the pain occurred, it means you are inflicting pain yourself.  As you learn to control your mind to stay conscious, the best steps to engage in positive distraction are as follows:

1. Review your resume: Going through your resume will help you to remember the road you traveled and your achievements.  It is common to put your personal goals on hold when you get into a long-term relationship and tend to make skewed compromises that seek to build it. Your resume will reflect your academic achievements you have not researched on in terms of professional career open for you.  Often when you love someone, you make a mistake of consulting and looking for approval and get trapped in agreeing to pursue what is suggested.  So, go back to your history of what you have achieved and see what you need to build on to meet your updated goals.

2. Re-visit your personal goals: This step is very important because you need to decide where you want to be and how to get there on your own without inputs from anybody who is not a professional career guidance authority. I know of a friend whose partner encouraged her to do masters in psychology when she wanted to do dentistry.  The boyfriend got interested in another girl and they separated.  The lady had double pain of wasted two years in the professional field she really did not want; and a broken heart from the trusted friend. This may mean nothing to you, but I learned to not involve another person on matters as serious like career.  I therefore suggest you remember to define your destiny in a manner that will include long-term relationship but not divert or exclusively disregard your road to attain your upward mobility.

3. Further your studies: Education changes a person and its validity transcends the grave.   It is a best distraction which will help you to maintain your mental health and boost your economic condition after separation or divorce.  Studies indicates common decline of financial capacity following separation or divorce.  This situation could have a long-term negative impact on the children education plans, health and level of lifestyle.

Nature hates gaps.  Opting to pursue further studies on your preferred profession is the best distraction which will help you to spend your time profitably.  Education will sustain your negatively affected self-worth due to failed relationship.  When you get that good grade, you will feel much better and ready to move to higher level alone or with your children! You would have learned how to take control of your life!