Taking control: Deal with your internal conflict...!

The function of the unconscious mind is to secure all information and experiences as they occurred. Conflict arises when there is disagreement on the goal or its strategy. It is a manifestation of the power and intention of the unconscious mind to maintain status quo. Internal conflict is always there, tearing apart your goals towards reshaping a better you. It comes disguised in logical hurdles through over planning your strategies. Planning is good and there is a saying that, if you do not plan, you plan to fail. Nonetheless, if you overload your ultimate goal with minute details of how you will achieve it, it may never take off. Having a picture of what you want and focusing on the end result will fill you with motivation to move from the crossroads. Maintaining positive thoughts of your goal will energize you and motivate you to be in an alert mode to expect and attract positive results. Each person has a clear purpose for which he exists. Conflict may also arise when your goal is externally motivated. Your goal is part of your vision and is solid when it ties in with seven intelligence and reveals your spiritual gifts. This means your passion fits the way you are wired; the programs you are configured with and therefore operational in bringing your goals to reality. The challenge arises when you do not have knowledge about the spiritual aspect of all humanity. It is illusive when you bypass the fact that you are a spiritual being with a soul living in a body. This means you have not tapped into your spirituality. The cheerful Creator who has good thoughts of your health and financial prosperity says His grace is sufficient for you to overcome, especially when you trust Him to carry you over the floods and storms. Having said that, it is easier to deal with the devil you have identified. I mean you cannot change what you have not identified as a challenge. First be aware of the tricks of your ego that supports your unconscious mind. The common one is not trusting yourself to overcome obstacles. Again, this will create overwhelming conflict if you start comparing yourself with whoever you are emulating. The wise approach is learning how your role model became successful. You can then apply that to fit in with your goal. If you feel challenged in equipping yourself with relevant skills, seek mentoring rather than succumbing to fear of moving from crossroads. Conflict must be addressed and cleared if you are to make progress towards your goals. It is a negative energy which bars all opportunities and resources you need. It exudes repellent emotional cues that will surely keep you from moving from the crossroads. Undetected, it will pull you down and usher you in underworld though seeking other negative powers. The enemy will destroy you by giving you false remedies like resorting to drugs when things do not work your way. He will steal your peace and joy and cast you in the emotional prison of depression. His ultimate goal is to kill your vision by removing motivation and hope which are important components of your positive energy to act daily and tirelessly towards your goal. Find out if you have conflicting thoughts about your goals!

Taking control: What is your optimal life?

An optimal life denotes achieved level of desirable living standards from social, spiritual and economic point of view. It is a subjective individual perception of living beyond needs to higher realm of self actualization. Those living optimal life have access to what they want at any given time. The general view of an optimal life could be defined according to achievement of basic needs; security and the sense of belonging as follows: Basic needs: • All people need to eat to survive. Optimal life means eating all healthy food because you can afford them. • We all must have a shelter to protect us from harsh natural conditions. Optimal life means owning a house of your design with adequate facilities. This may vary according to level of financial capability. Security needs: • In this era we define security in terms of access to financial wealth. This means ability to spend money on both needed things as well as satisfying your wants on things that give you pleasure. It is having sustainable income which could enable you to buy a car without credit or the car of the year when you want to. • For ladies security could also mean having a partner who provides emotional stability. This is important because sometimes very rich people do not have social stability and therefore cannot fully enjoy their wealth. Sense of belonging: • Mankind is a social being and thrives when interacting with others. Optimal life means you have the right company to socialize with. For an example, a beautiful house without happy people in it is a ghost house. Being connected means having people who you share your life and ideas with. • Children who are raised in a happy marriage experience this security and sense of belonging as siblings and with other members of their extended family. They grow up within a community in which they identify their cultural traits which set them apart in the larger society. Optimal life is a finish line if you are at crossroads and preparing to start over. It gives you a mental destination of what social and financial freedom can usher you into. It is a template which guides you on things to cover when you plan your goals. We all seek optimal life. At this realm you have time to focus on your talents and spiritual gifts with a purpose to share with others because you no longer strife for your own needs.

Taking control: Check your insecurity!

Insecurity is one of socialization issues which results in lack of self confidence. It is not loving yourself nor trusting in what you can achieve. It is displayed by seeking to be a constant center of attraction through manipulation others or an environment. Insecurity is a destructive negative behavior which you must identify and deal with if you are to achieve your mission to starting over a new life. You are unique and cannot do things like others because you can only do things according to how you are wired. The following are symptoms of insecurity: 1. Comparison: When your motivation to work hard is fueled by negative emotion to beat others and not based on your passion to achieve your goal. 2. Condemnation: It is a damaging negative emotion which could be directed at self or others. When you condemn yourself for your past wrongs and are unable to let go, it becomes heavy anchors that stop you from growing. When directed to others, it makes you a bitter and unlovable person. It will surely damage your interaction with others. 3. Compulsion: Denotes engaging in an activities for the purpose of gaining others approval. Hard work is good but should be carried out for positive reasons. There is a grey area here! Only you know the true motives for working hard. The point is; sometimes you are driven by negative energy to do good things. When you identify this, you would have taken control over your insecurity. The next step would be learning how to tap into a positive energy and always finding pleasure in who you are and what you want. 4. Defensiveness: If you are insecure you over protect yourself. You tend to be on defense mode and ready to lash out without provocation. Insecurity displays unresolved childhood conflicts. If left unattended, you become argumentative hence destroy your persuasion skill which you need for the corporate position. Insecurity is one of the common blemishes which damage relationships between couples, siblings, job colleagues and interaction with others. It is your most destructive enemy; very careful not to be recognized as an imperfection but a zeal to win and stay on top.

Taking control: Learn about your spiritual health!

Learning who you are is your personal responsibility.  Most social institution you went through starting with your family empowered you to understand the values and beliefs of your family first, your community and the world at large.  The fact is; you are a spirit being with a soul living in a body.

Very few of us have been socialized in spirituality competence as much as in social prosperity.   This is what the system has been doing and still is providing. This situation does not give you an excuse for not being spiritually wiser.  The second fact is that you are created in the image of the Creator of all things. This means you are a spirit being capable of discerning your spiritual gifts and environment.  You knew the good and evil from a very young age. You will recall that when you took something without permission you hit it.  You even were able to argue to support your deceit though your heart banged so loudly; begging you to come clean.

The spiritual health operates around love because the Creator is Love.  Love is defined as being able to see good in you, others and the whole creation. This is central because when you love your Creator and yourself, you will easily love others and seek to sustain life.  The key is to note that you become what you think about.  The following is an outline of guidelines of what your thoughts should engage in:

1.    True things: This means you do not entertain lies.

2.    Noble things:  You carry yourself with dignity and allow nothing but gracious thoughts.

3.    Pure things: You choose what occupies your inner space. Remember, you become what you put in through all your senses.

4.    Lovely things: This refers to the nature of activities you engage in. For an example, would it make sense to be in the company of thieves and claim to be thinking of lovely things? No!

5.    Praise worthy things: Thoughts that seek to encourage others and not think of any little blemishes you picked during the presentation for an example.

How do you know when you walk in love? You know that you walk in love when you (your inner man – spirit you) have a positive general feelings:

1.    Love: You give unconditional love readily to others and even unlovable ones.

2.    Joy: You are constantly bubbling with positive energy.

3.    Peace: You seek peace regardless of circumstances.

4.    Longsuffering: Exercising pertinence to those unlovable family members and colleagues.

5.    Kindness: Demonstrating love to others by caring for the destitute.

6.    Faithfulness: Walking in integrity.

7.    Gentleness: Making a difference by choosing a gentle approach to others.

8.    Self-control: Placing high moral values on your behavior and interaction with others.   

Your Creator said you can do all things through Him, for His grace is sufficient to make you an over comer. Your flesh is constantly seeking its gratification which in most cases is not pure; while your spirit self seeks to do good things. These are basic guidelines towards seeking spiritual enlightenment.  It is going up the stream.

Taking control: Learn about mental health

Your brain is a control system that regulates your body so that it serves you well until you die. It is one of the most important parts of your body which you must learn about and take care of in order to achieve your goals. Mental health refers to providing adequate care about food that feeds the brain, exercises that keep it fit and positive environment that keeps it clean and growing. 

You can maintain functionality of your brain through engaging in challenging activities.  Like any part of your body, you brain will waste away if you have archived all your books on the last day of your examinations. The following is the basic information which you can research on and include in the list of things to do in your quest to take control of your life:

1.    Feed your brain appropriate nutrients: You must cut off Trans fats completely. Your brain needs good fats daily. You could include cold water fish like tuna, trout, mackerel and salmon. Vitamin E feeds the brain cells. Use olive or flax seed oil for cooking. Include Omega 3, it feeds and oils your nervous system.  Ginkgo Biloba stimulates the blood flow. Vitamin C is a great anti-oxidants that helps to rejuvenate all body cells.  These supplements are necessary because even if you can afford good foods, you kill most nutrients during the cooking process.

2.    Eat according to your blood type.  Read Eat Right for Your Type by Dr. Peter J. D’Adamo.  The book will help you understand how you get arthritis and the host of other lifestyle diseases.  Take responsibility and learn about the contributing factors to Alzheimer diseases and the negative impact of chlorine on your body.

3.    Physical exercises: We are not wired to sit and do nothing.  Physical exercises stimulate enzymes that support your whole wellness.  For an example, have you ever seen a cheerful lazy person slouching on a sofa? No!  Exercises are detrimental to your aging slowly.

4.    Positive environment: The Creator’s Constitution (the Bible) consisted of ten laws which were summarized to two laws; love Him and others.  If you could  understand the power of love, there would be no wars, hatred and strive. Love is central to prosperity, social and natural laws.  The Creator said He has good thoughts of prosperity and health about us. His name is Love and we are created in His likeness.  This means positive environment is detrimental to our general wellness.

Seeing is believing; you may need proof before you take action.  The good place is old age home.  There you will get a picture of how much you need your brain even at old age.  You will surely change your mind about mental health. It is sad not to remember your own children when you need them most.  My point is, if well maintained, you brain will serve you well. You will age gracefully. 

Taking control: Positive thinking is core in building your positive attitude…!

Attitude determines your altitude. This old expression sums up the importance of attitude in everything that we consider important and contribute to mankind’s welfare.  It is a global tag we measure ideal human approach to self and others. It is so visible and powerful that you cannot miss its beauty if it is positive or its stench when it is negative.

When you decide to start over a new chapter of your life and therefore want to identify stuff that must go to trash, do include negative attitude in the list of descriptive words that could help you to cleanse yourself.  Listing it will give you an opportunity to first understand the meaning of attitude and its contribution on your social and spiritual growth.  The tricky part is that it might have been rubbed on you by those who raised you; nonetheless it is not an excuse to carry it on as one of the ideals as soon as you are old enough to choose your own attire.  It is one of the virtues of choice that you include as your signature.

Secondly, rewind and see if you can pick your failures in relationships with others and whether you have learned from those mistakes.  If you have a negative attitude, you will find this little exercise difficult. The irony is that, if you cannot identify the contributing factors in your past failures, you will not learn and grow.  Moving from negative attitude should be a conscious decision if you intend to change your life for the better.  Negative attitude impact negatively on others and we needs others to be successful.

Positive attitude starts with positive thinking about self and others.  It will stay with you and grow when you are constantly aware of the nature of your thoughts. It is therefore not an occasion; but an on-going life-long process of shaping your life.  It is your authentic signature if it describes you wherever you are and constantly affect others positively.

Taking control: Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

One of fundamentals you have to deal with as you decide to take control of your life is finding out if you are an optimist or a pessimist.  Optimists see good things happening in the world and around them and flow with good energy.  If you see mountains and all forms of hindrances in life, you are a pessimist.  This means most of your challenges are self-created.

Pessimists are unaware that they have a strong relationship with problems.  The irony is that they are kicking and screaming about desire to be free but their actions say the opposite. You will know whether you are a pessimist by your consistent negative thoughts, perception and talk.  Let us clarify the difference with the following common views:

1.    Life is full of problems. Life also has a lot of good things if you look for them.

2.    All situations are annexed with ‘what if’ something goes wrong.  Whatever you think will happen. It is a Law of Attraction. When you banish negative thoughts and decide to see the end results of your positive thoughts, negative circumstances will depart from you.

3.    I cannot find anybody who cares for me.  Negative thoughts repel good things.  For an example if you think you are not attractive enough to have a date, surely you have tagged yourself unavailable and have prophesied doom over your social life. You will be amazed because you will see somebody with far less good features winning the best looking dates.  

4.    I do not have friends.  The situation is a simple revelation of how negative energy affects other people.  As people respond to the new thought authors about the Law of Attraction and decide to improve their lives, they will move away from pessimists.  If you discover that you are a pessimist and decide to unlearn and shake off this disabling disease, you will struggle for a while; but will steadily walk into the light of the joy of life.  You can start with appreciating the discovery and learn to move from that point into your newly discovered future.

A word of caution: Pessimists struggle to move from gross roads for fear of making new mistakes. Well, all important inventions came to be through several attempts and they are on-going projects, they are being perfected.  The most important achievement is discovering this condition.  Unlearning negativism is a lifelong journey of deliberation.  When you stop judging and finding faults in others, you are arming yourself with positive energy which will surely draw good things and people in your life. You will cheer each day and make the most of it. You will discover your part in making the world the most beautiful place to be.  

Taking Control: Wellness is supported by positive thinking

The previous articles have alluded to the fact that general wellness is supported by positive thinking.  Positive thoughts are therapeutic; they enable the body to function normally. The key is to choose to love yourself so much that you will not allow anybody to push you into stress causing thoughts. This is taking control of your life and ensuring that you maintain that upward mobility daily.

If you are in a mission to start over, an ideal practice to general wellness will starts with regular exercises.  It will clear your mind, take care of stress and tone your body.  As you get into ideal shape, you will think of learning what not to eat so that you can maintain the ideal you.  This good feeling will enable you to view yourself from a different perspective:

1.    You will develop and maintain a positive energy towards life in general.

2.    Darkness and light cannot occupy one mind; good thoughts will become permanent residents of your mind.

3.    Good thoughts generate positive energy which will draw people to you. You need to be in the company of people who think differently and aspire to improve their social and economic conditions.  When you rub shoulders with this type, they will impart knowledge and skill and enable you to become a new person. What I mean is that, you choose only the good things from other people without judging them on those that are not ideal to you.

4.    Stress is the cause of a host of diseases.  When you are busy building your empire, you empower yourself and will shun anything that may slow down your progress.

5.    Find out things that bring smiles and pick you out of negative feelings. Simply retain those good memories for times like that. Otherwise shut the door of the negative past life.

6.    Learn to be optimistic about your decision to start-over a new chapter of your life.  There are motivational tapes and relaxation practices. Chose those that are suitable for you and consistently engage in building your self esteem.

When you maintain positive thinking, old negative friends will automatically fall off because you can no longer comment when you are being updated about other people’s misfortunes. Is this not being transformed by your own self-determination to resign from the club of stressed negative people? This kind of positive thinking will not only affect your health, it will steadily usher you into understanding the concepts of emotional intelligence and reveal what spiritual enlightenment is all about. 

Taking Control: How you could miss your second chance to a better life…!

Very few people successfully plan and live their lives with minimal challenges and therefore hardly need to make major adjustments. Most of us on the other hand go off the track and must start over on a completely new personal plan. This is what I call taking control of your life.   It follows an objective evaluation of self against where you had planned to be.

Often you postpone this important exercise until a significant challenge forces you to take action because naturally we dislike finding our own blemishes.  This lack of motivation to change is normal because you find it easier to adapt to pain.  You develop defense mechanism instead, which enables you to adapt to unpleasant situations.  You may rationalize the underlying reason for the need to change hoping that the problem will eventually go away. Subconsciously, you dislike change because it will force you out of your comfort zone.

As long as you compromise the present conditions, you will not seek the way out. This means you will not position yourself to find options and you will not even recognize opportunities when you have not made up your mind to change your situation.  Making decision to change prepares you psychologically to open old emotional wounds with determination to remove yourself from pain. It is taking responsibility to seek a second chance.

The starting point is allowing you to explore unfamiliar grounds with open mind.  This is the most difficult part because it means letting go of your past life.  It is restructuring your values according to how you see it and discarding most of the societal norms you were born in and socialized into.  It is choosing to go up the stream and follow your heart, thus breaking loose from your socialization anchors. 

Taking Control of your life: Discover your Thinking Style…!

Self-discovery is a lifelong purposeful evaluation of who you are. It is a systematic self-assessment of given talents which need to be discovered in order to be used as a foundation upon which you can develop your present self to higher levels.  It is also realizing that there is a part of you which has been filed in your subconscious mind and therefore not readily accessible. 

The most important part of the self discovery is your thinking style in order to learn from your strong point.  There are four types of thinking styles and it is for your advantage to know yours and start learning anything with ease.  They are:

      Concrete sequential

      Concrete random

      Abstract random

      Abstract sequential

Concrete sequential thinkers are realists.  They process information in an orderly and sequence manner.  Realists use all five senses. They notice and recall details easily and therefore are accurate in remembering facts, specific information, formulas and rules.

Concrete random thinkers are experimenters.  While they are still realists, they are more engaged in trial and error approach.  Their different thinking enables them to find alternatives and do things in their own way unlike the concrete sequential thinkers.

Abstract random thinkers organize information through reflection, and thrive in unstructured, people-oriented environment.  Their world is that of feelings and emotions.  Abstract random thinkers absorb ideas, information and impressions and organize them through reflection.  They remember best if information is personalized.  Structured environment restrict them. They are visual thinkers; that is, they understand written information better.

Abstract sequential thinkers love theory and abstract thought. They like to think in concepts and analyze information.  They are great philosophers and research scientists.  They easily find important point and significant details.  Their thinking process is logical, rational and intellectual.  Abstract sequential thinkers prefer to work alone.  They love reading and do well in research work.

The four thinking styles do not denote that any is better; but simply shows the way different people learn.  When you are aware of how you think, you will be able to notice how you perform in different settings; and that could enable you to operate from your strength.  You will know which job to apply for and know that you will have fun and perform above the average.

I believe you will agree with me that it is your personal responsibility to search who you really are. Knowing your talents will save you a lot of trial and error approach in seeking to improve your social and economic conditions.   You will learn the precious gifts presented in a brown paper and therefore ignored.  Getting interested in your potential is learning to love you; it is acknowledging and appreciating the Creator’s gifts you have. You will be amazed when you gradually discover how interesting you are; most importantly, how important you talents are in helping others to grow.

How to Rise above the Storm…!

Rising above the storm is attaining ideal leadership qualities.  It is being able to control your thoughts not to shuttle between your past experiences and projecting your attention in the future because you can only make rational decision when you are focused.  It is being able to know how to drive the self so well that you know which gear to engage in various challenging situations.

The most accurate measuring tool is your emotion. Emotions reveal the nature of your thoughts.  Although emotions are described in different adjectives, all add up to positive and negative.  When you are not sure whether your thoughts are good or bad, find out how you feel.  Both emotions are easily detected: Positive emotions always attract positive response from others regardless of whether they agree with your point of view. Negative emotions equally attract negative response.  So whenever you encounter negativism, check your emotion; what vibration are you exuding?  

How do you discard negative emotions? 

1.    You first must remember that emotions are cousins with your mind and therefore a devil’s playground.  

2.    You are a spirit being and your mind must comply with you and not the other way round.  In other words your mind must submit to the spirit self.  This truth has never been revealed during childhood socialization therefore must be learned.

3.    All of us have been accustomed to letting our minds to operate on auto-pilot and we regard this as normal but it is not. When you learn to visit your mind the self-talk norm will subside and you will be more focused because you have actually limited the information traffic which could be regarded as noise.  Most of us have unpleasant past and the ego idolize and feeds on this, causing you to harbor anger and other negative emotions at subconscious level. An angry person is not lovable because other people pick this vibration.

4.    You are able to rise above the storm when you become present. This refers to ability to maintain positive thoughts regardless of challenging situations.  You learn to break this negative habit of reacting to mind stuff by simply watching your anger without labeling it as part of you.  This needs practice and it is a liberating experience because you maintain your position above any storm.  Remember the saying; your attitude determines your altitude.  Watching your emotions this way enables you to recognize that the words you speak are not yours but the mind stuff and because you are alert,  you can chose to steer yourself out of a negative situation. 

5.    As soon as you focus on the present, all unhappiness gradually dissolve because painful emotions are the product of your ego. You do not have a problem until you indulge in the past events and allow accumulation of little things which when you project into the future, threatens your ideal self.  When you rise above the ego stuff, you are on the way to attaining enlightenment. You will maintain stable calm personality which is a big plus in leadership.

You can only love people when you are present because love does not remember the past; it is not rude and does not judge.   When you reclaim your true self you will be able to operate in love. You will have joy and be at peace; most importantly, you will have self control!

How to discover a new you…!

Mankind is the most prized of all creation.  All living and non-living creation has been created into existence by the spoken word of the Creator.  When the Creator made man, He worked.  He imparted Himself by giving His life into the man to be a living soul.  In completing His creation, He was satisfied and expressed admiration.

If you do not regard yourself as an apple of the Creator’s eye, you will miss out on discovering the abundance of your potential for you are indeed created after His likeness and therefore possess His features and creative nature.  Maybe you need to start from the external world, the beauty of nature and the wonder of the universe.   You need to look at the living things with the new eyes, purposefully thinking about and internalizing the wisdom behind the existence of all living and non-living creation.

When it comes to you, you may consider the most intriguing part of your body, the brain.  Let us highlight the features of your brain so that you can have a glimpse of your ability to have dominion over all the creation as dictated by the Creator:

1.    You have trillion brain-cells including 100 billion active nerve cells; 900 billion other cells that nourish and insulate the active cells.

2.    Your brain can grow up to 20,000 branches on every one of those 100 billion brain nerve-cells.

3.    You have your left ‘academic’ brain and the right ‘creative’ brain both of which give you capacity to gain knowledge with ease and enable you to join in making planet earth the most interesting place to be.

4.    You have seven ‘intelligence centres’ that distinctively spell out things you are capable of doing.

The purpose of this article is to make you aware that you are endowed with powerful tools and therefore capable of becoming a better you if you decide to discover and use them.  If you do not take initiative to discover your true nature, you are like a rich man living in a mansion but living in one room.  Most of our treasure is buried under the hip of undesirable emotional baggage which when you analyze them like Dr. Bradley Nelson, you will discover why most of us live in one room. Visit him at http://www.TheEmotionCode.com

If the Creator admired you, don’t you think it worths your while to rediscover yourself? Looking for the new you does not require you to find who planted those blemishes on you; but to identify them so that you can start the process of deleting them.  Your purposeful discovery venture is a key to unlearning all negative emotions that has hidden your true potential and happiness. You can only change what you have discovered as undesirable.  So, as you remove the layers of your emotional dirt, you surely will find the true you and together we will learn how to discover the new you…! 

Self-condemnation: How to learn to forgive yourself…!

Prolonged self-condemnation is a form of emotional self-destruction behavior that contaminates all three dimensions of love. It is devaluing self and being unable to learn from personal unsuccessful experiences.  It portrays poor knowledge of humanity and all its deficiencies; and most importantly, learning to forgive yourself as soon as you realize your mistakes. 

Your Creator does not expect you to be perfect because He knows that you can never be. Remember he knows the number of your hairs just like the car manufacturer knows the number of screws that holds it together.  Self-condemnation is unhealthy self-elevation which disregards humanity flaws.  This high regard of self is harmful to you because you focus in your weaknesses rather than your strengths.  That type of skewed perception will hinder any growth, be it social or spiritual. The fruits of self-condemnation are:

1.    Inability to discover your strengths which will result in inability to identify your life goals.

2.    Failure to love anybody because the standards are too high.  In other words no person will be lovable when all that is seen are blemishes.

3.    Inability to establish relationships with others which could be the result of unidentified socialization issues.

4.    Self-esteem issue which is regarded as pride.  Spiritually, pride is loathsome and is the source of many spiritual ills portrayed in bitterness, judging others rather than learning to love unconditionally. This is not having a relationship with the Creator whose name is Love.

5.    Inability to let go of the past mistakes.  If you are not able to forgive self, it is not possible to give others what you do not have.

Moving from self-condemnation is a long journey which requires you to monitor the nature of your thoughts and learn to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  This is being present.  Being present means you do not let your mind operate on autopilot mode.  It is a skill that requires one to identify who is self so that you know that the mind is not you.  You are a spiritual being with a mind living in a body. That is a starting point!     

Clear goals ignite passion to move from crossroads…!

A goal is a well thought end-result of your intentions which determines what resources you need and how you must utilize them. It is a perceived destination that motivates all actions to be shaped and executed in a decisive manner within pre-determined timeframe. Pausing at crossroads to redefine your goals therefore becomes a necessary clutter-removing phase.

I recall one of my close friend’s daughter who announced that she had been thinking hard following a career guidance sessions with a professional counselor.  She said she would not want to start any university course that would not point to a clear and profitable career.  Wow! That was smart!  Both parents would have like her to be an economist or an accountant; and were disappointed that a year would be wasted. 

  

The young girl researched on other fresh careers and announced that she had considered geography and environmental studies.  She said in order to experience what environment entailed, she would volunteer to work at a tourism company.  She did so well in one month that she got hired on a temporary basis. The following year she started her degree course on environment and is now running her own tourism company.

A second case involved a lady who held an executive position at a private company in Lesotho.  She divorced her husband who frequently abused her verbally and then one day nearly choked her to death.  She experienced rejection by her family.  They regarded her as being unreasonable because her husband said he was sorry for what he did. She left Lesotho and got a job at Johannesburg, in the Republic of South Africa.  She continued to study on part-time basis and passed her Masters Degree in Business Administrtion.  The ex-husband got married after six months and a year later became a suspect in a mysterious death of her second wife.

Let us analyze the two cases: The young girl paused for one year to gain the best years ahead, doing what proved to be her passion.  Had she settled to do economics, she would probably be stuck somewhere as an employee.  The divorced lady would not have made it as a corporate executive under the continual abusive relationship.  Such emotional hurts do not share space with sound mind required in the executive seat.  Staying in an abusive marriage would have been camping at a crossroads never to discover her happiness.  While rejection is painful, complying with her parents’ sentiments would have been detrimental to her personal goals.

     

Identification of personal blemishes helps in moving forward…!

While being at crossroad could be considered a compromising situation, it could also be an important position that enables you to identify your personal blemishes.  We learn to cover-up our blemishes very early in life because the ego does all the hard work of projecting nothing but the perfect false image of self.  Nonetheless, living a lie is a great anchor that could hold you a prisoner, barring all new information and opportunities towards ideal change.

The simple example of this concept is revealed in a person wishing to lose weight.  Until such a person identifies weight as harmful and make a firm decision to change towards looking and feeling good; there will be no action that changes bad habits and lifestyle.  In other words change will only occur following identification of undesirable situation to move to what is ideal.  When you are at crossroads, you must identify factors that prevent, derail or slow you to reach your destination.  For you to identify these factors you must steer yourself in a quiet place that will allow you to be objective about absence of direction or motivation to find your purpose.  Let us list some of hard to identify personal blemishes:

·        Fear of making mistakes – is disguised in perfectionist because a perfectionist needs to be right all the time.  An example would be a single woman who sees the world having fewer suitable men who are likely to dump her as soon as the euphoria of honeymoon is over.  In other words perfectionist wants all or nothing.

·        Delayed decision - is inability to trust self, which means low self-esteem.  It is revealed when you take too long to make a decision because you want all clear answers to your questions and circumstances.  Most of important discoveries are results of mistakes which were regarded as learning experiences.  Have faith in you because without it you have no life.

The cited blemishes are normally overlooked, but are serious hurdles especially when you are at crossroads.  If you are undecided regarding your career, it is better to find help and move on rather than to camp in a limbo.  If you are dealing with unclear direction about what you really want in life, take a pick and talk to somebody neutral like your doctor.  Their professional ethics bind them to keep secrets and are trained to make decisions.  Better still find a counselor who can steer you to finding what you are looking for. A counselor will not make decisions for you, but is trained to listen to you; ask you right questions, take your hand to support and cheer for every decisive step you take.

  

One of the urgent changes you need to implement is to learn to listen to your inner voice and feelings and not your mind.  Somebody gave an accurate analogy of the mind; it is a devil’s playground and therefore cannot be trusted.  All successful people do not fear to make mistakes; learn from them!