Taking Control: How to cut-loose shyness in intimate relationship!

Every child is born free and embracing life until someone dish out  mixed
messages about good manners....!

Every infant is born a free being and a potential genius - confident, happy and capable of learning anything. This means that shyness or any limitations are learnt behavior following unpleasant experiences. Most people developed emotional blemishes that led to shyness from childhood socialization.

Shyness defined!

A shy person is one who fears to make mistakes; one who doubts own capability to perform tasks unaided. The underlying factor is a negative thinking wherein fear supersedes motivation to be proactive and creative. Shyness is avoiding accountability for individual thoughts, words and actions; preferring those dictated by other people.

Impact of shyness in intimate relationships!

Shy persons are unable to make decisions because they fear risks and accountability. We all know that intimate relationship develops from trusting own instincts and strengths to overcome whatever is unknown about the other person. In other words, when deciding to allow another person in your life, you took a risk of thinking outside the box; consciously allowing and accepting change to occur. The impact of shyness in intimate relationship includes the following:

1.   Skewed relationship: One way communication contributes to unfulfilling relationship because in principle, it takes two people to contributes ideas, discuss and to create new and strong foundation of an intimate relationship. A shy person lacks helpful contribution in relationships.

2.   Encourage abusive behavior: A shy person is a potential victim of controlling or abusive relationships because he or she fears to trust own intuition and would compromise or allow unfavorable conditions to prevail.

3.   Low level of growth: A shy person avoid accountability therefore does not learns from own mistakes. Mistakes are stepping stones that lead to new and empowering knowledge and experiences. Many important discoveries are the results of continuing studies to refine the existing mistakes of innovative ideas. You learn better each time you make wrong decision because you rethink and research more to improve the existing thought and strategies.

How to overcome shyness in an intimate relationship!

Shy persons make lonely partners. Please help! 

A learnt behavior like shyness can be unlearnt. In intimate relationship, the catalyst for desired behavior is love and trust. Love is known to remove 

childhood blemishes including shyness. Why? Because love is a positive energy and shyness is a byproduct of fear. The continual embracing of a negative energy renders a person unproductive. Whenever a positive energy comes into a scene, it neutralizes and nullifies the negativity and ignites a childhood freedom from any fear because of the following principles:

1.   The attributes of the natural law of love: In principle, love and fear cannot occupy one space. Positive energy is far more powerful than a negative one.

2.    Love liberates: A shy person who is encouraged to love will let go fear naturally. The partner who has this revelation could tap into the innermost feelings and remove all types of fear of her or his partner as follows:

a)  Take baby steps in building confidence: Do house chores together first and then withdraw slowly so that the shy partner could develop confidence which will ignite self-expression through thoughts, words and actions.

b)  Engage in playful ‘surprise games’: Shy persons are mostly not present (meaning not fully conscious of all senses); it is therefore important to teach them to be fully alert of all senses and most importantly, the feelings. A shy partner is likely to be liberated and expressive if encouraged to participate in less serious and playful scenes wherein he or she could guess what is appealing to his or her partner. Give glues that will enable a shy person to feel less intimidated. That behavior will eliminate the fear of making mistakes and build confidence.

Taking control of your life is making efforts to remove hurdles by reaching from within, to access the given personal strengths. It is remembering that as a child you were fearless, eager to learn and happy being. Since most of us are products of other people’s (care-givers) emotional blemishes, we developed various defense mechanisms which further complicate relationships. In essence there is smaller number of ‘normal’ people. To have baggage-free emotional intimate partners, we have to clean up socialization issues through love and trust which are proven catalysts that change behavior for optimal intimate relationships. 

Taking control: Is shyness sabotaging your personal growth plan?

Shyness is not being able to express or participate meaningfully to what you know would be beneficial to your personal growth.  It is in-congruence of the will to take the process of thinking to fruition; thus displaying inaccurate level of cognitive competence.

Shyness is classified under personality and clinical psychology as a dysfunctional behavior.  It affects people socially, causing anxieties; performance difficulties in the presence of other people; public speaking; lack of assertiveness and social contact with the same or opposite sexes.  A shy person is not able to reveal knowledge and therefore could easily not be promoted to leadership positions because of projected inability to speak assertively with subordinates.  The following steps would help you to self-diagnose shyness and unlearn the behavior:

1.    Identify the problem – It is important to take stock of your reaction whenever you have to speak in the presence of other people. I am not referring to normal flutter that is said to be normal regardless of the exposure to speak at public gatherings.

2.    Unlearn being fearful – Adopt a calm mental state in order to allow your mind to reflect on your strengths. It is important to note that you are unique and you have something that others will benefit from. You have to convince yourself that people must hear what you are thinking if you are to progress higher in your professional ladder.  Change your attitude about being fearful of making mistakes by regarding them as learning curves that are necessary to expose you to professional experiences and maturity.

3.    Manage your environment – It would help if you could ensure that you keep away from negative people who would intimidate you.  Such people normally fluff their feathers and put you on the spot unnecessarily. On the other hand, it is always easy to pick positive people:

·      They are likable and project loving and supportive atmosphere.

·       Your inner-self will draw close and feel at ease talking or responding to their conversation.

·      They radiate positive energy which makes you respond with equal enthusiasm.

·      You naturally want them to like you without having to crowd them.

4.    Positive self-talk – Write down your strengths and weaknesses; then articulate your goals.  Sit in a quiet place and analyze necessary resources you need to achieve them.  One common resource all people need to reach their goals is interacting with those who have succeeded.  This will clearly show you that you have to interact and learn from people in order to reach your goals.  Confidence comes with being prepared and will minimize low performance.  Consistency in maintaining high performance will override the fear and turn it into motivation to repeat successful behavior.

Shyness will naturally die as soon as you focus on your strengths. Appreciating your daily achievement and not judging yourself will surely enable a new behavior to emerge and stay constant.  While greatest support could come from those who are close to you; intrinsic motivation is more powerful to maintain upward mobility and holistic personal growth!