Taking control: Regaining the inner peace after irreparable relationship!

Ending a stormy relationship should be a relief because you have finally declared your decision, yet feelings of anger and emotional hurt linker on and refuse to be switched off. Regaining the inner peace after ending a stormy relationship is a challenging journey.

Until you go through the pain of rejection, you may not understand why people choose to relocate after ending a stormy relationship.  Regaining the inner peace becomes urgent; is like you are gasping for a fresh air.  It is like finding another piece of the planet earth that is not contaminated; a place that is filled with people who will look at you with open hearts and non-judgmental eyes.  You want to go in the shopping mall and not fear to meet one of your Ex’s relatives who are likely to give you a dirty look or cold smile. Alternatively, you could meet a genuinely sad one who would like to have a cup of coffee with you. You decline because you know the agenda. While you know it is best to think of your needs first at this stage, nonetheless guilt will plagues you.  In principle you do not want to explain anything to anybody. Besides it is a personal matter and you do not want to cross the line in the process of justifying your actions.  Relocating therefore is a need that will support your intention to heal.

If you cannot relocate because of your job and your children’s school program or financial reasons, you must find some form of a support that will continually and systematically equip you to rise above the storm of negative thoughts.   My greatest help came from the church.  There nobody wanted me to repeat anything.  They just showed me how to hold the hand of the One who created me and knows the end from the beginning. The need for acceptance enabled me to willingly allow the One who knows the number of my hair and foretold that He will never leave nor for sake me even if my parents reject me to do just that.  It was a resting place where I learned to take up my cross and begin my spiritual journey of salvation.

The challenge in this place of solace was to repent before you can take any step in the direction of healing. This requires trust; you must trust the wisdom of your spiritual mentor and the system you know nothing about.  Asking for forgiveness for the part you played and that led to the breaking is challenging and could delay your first surrendering step.  You are told, your creator knows the truth and He requires that you submit to this step so that you can take His hand and walk away.  Knowing that He knows your live and has control over it, is quite humbling.  This is the action of surrendering to the healing hand that is capable of ushering you in a safe place of unconditional love. Your Creator is able to give you a crush-course in forgiving and loving unlovable people including the one who hurt you most.  

The true healing comes when you learn to pray and accept yourself unconditionally.  It is liberating to refrain from the ego tactics and take control of your life by finding a place within that is accepting and invigorating. My journey has been spiritual. My task has been to fill myself with so much love that, I always have a positive balance after the storm of negative emotions.    

Taking control: You are ready for a relationship when you have accepted yourself!

Accepting yourself means you have undertaken a conscious self-study and acknowledged your weaknesses and strengths.  It means you are not delusional about what you are wired to achieve and therefore has a potential to be when you decide to establish your goals.  

Knowing who you are is very important foundational subjects which will enable you to avoid running in a wrong lane and end up feeling like you are a failure. Have you wondered why you are attracting wrong people? Well; it could be that you really do not know yourself! What must you do if several people you regard as not fitting the type of people you would like to associate with seek your friendship? Shocking as it might be, it could be your opportunity to take stock of who you really are!  It would not hurt to take personality tests and be truthful when answering the questions. 

Focusing on your strengths is a key. The principle is this: As a man thinks, so is he. The implication is that if you are shocked by the people you are attracting, it could mean that you are focusing on your weaknesses. Focusing on your strengths will usher you in an ideal place of growth.  For an example; if you know you have screened yourself on Seven Intelligence Centers and you are intrapersonal (have deep sense of self and are self-motivated) you will not try to be okay hanging out with a rowdy group every weekend; you will be miserable! Allow yourself to be a quiet person you are and you will indeed attract someone who admires you as you are.

The danger of not knowing yourself is faking joy when you are bored to tears! Believe me, I know because I tried to be a happy-go-merry person and failed myself.  I have since learned to enjoy who I am and am indeed blissfully happy! Imagine if you married a person who ticked hiking as your hobby because you pretended to like it. Would it be fair when you reveal the true you? Not at all! So who did you bring to the relationship? A total stranger, who has not only breached a cardinal rule of trust, but has also made the partner feel trapped!  You have actually shattered the dream of romantic hiking in his entertainment plans! That would be a serious relationship blemish to compensate for with other activities!

 Accepting yourself will allow you to understand your ego defense mechanism, which seeks to covers your weaknesses with premeditated false behavior.  When you are aware of the desire to cover up the true you, you will deny this and maintain your integrity. Admitting the periodic temptation to project the false behavior denotes your maturity and self-confidence. It means you have taken control of yourself and have started over a new authentic life!