Taking Control: How to heal breaking romantic relationship!

Address issues with love and respect....
Remember you love each other!!!

A romantic relationship is like a garden; left unattended, weeds will grow, ruin the beauty and stifle or kill the planted seeds. It requires love, work and patience to thrive and bond the two parties to experience blissful quality time together.

How to identify a breaking romantic relationship?

 Broken romantic relationship is one-sided whereas both parties must have a general positive regard for each other; thus enabling both to prioritize giving of affection and attention to other needs of each other. A breaking relationship is characterized by an emotional pain of the victim and selfishness and manipulation by the abuser.

How to heal breaking romantic relationship!

Like any other thing, you exercise your subjective view why you associate with others. In a romantic relationship, the deciding factor is love and other attributes that match your values and beliefs and therefore motivates your attraction and attachment.  The following steps could enable you to not compromise but establish a rationale to engage in the process of repairing a breaking relationship:

1.   Identifying the problem: This is a process of clear analysis of behavior or practice that steals your peace. You must avoid mixing issues in order that you could see if you are the source of the problem. For an example, your partners stopped making the bed because you want him to use your method to the letter.

2.   Presenting an identified problem: You can establish if your partner would want to fix the problem or whether you can seek an alternative way so that he or she can do what she is skilled to do instead of sulking over something he or she is doing wrong. If the problem relate to your personal preferences, you have to weigh pros and cons and consider if he wants to change to meet your expectations. In other words it is essential to think about the problem and formulate assumptions why is it happening. This will enable you not to react but carefully consider the best way to address it.

3.   Addressing the identified problem: How you choose to present the problem depends on what it is. For example, if your partner is arrogant or a controlling person, you would rather email or text him or her so that he or she would read the whole message and have a point of reference to see your case holistically. The benefit of a text message is allowing the partner to see the big picture from your point of view whereas if you talk you may end up not articulating on all important points.

4.   Ideal response to the breaking relationship: The ideal response to mend breaking relationship is to discuss the problem with compassion and respect; being aware that you both were socialized differently and therefore your values and beliefs are likely to differ.  This means that when both see the problem, you will likely jointly seek alternatives that work and seek to recreate joy and harmony.

Being mature in romantic relationship is
choosing to love unreservedly...! 

5.   Forgiving and moving forward: Effective solution is one which does not demand one party to feel like he or has won the battle. An ideal approach is one which feels good for both and restores the relationship to its original level wherein both parties could feel safe to be vulnerable. Real repentance is motivated by love and desire to recreate trusting bond again; knowing that each party is keen to rekindle the fire of unconditional love that seeks to love unreservedly.

6.   Honesty and openness: It helps to look each other in the eyes when talking to see how each word affect the other party. This openness will enable both parties to realize the extent of the hurt and will likely motivate both to see how they have contributed to the problem. Not allowing ego to ruin the discussion should be the cardinal rule so that you do not feel hurt or resentful that you have been caught; but be grateful that your partner approached you to put the problem behind.

Conflict always shows up in a romantic relationship. The challenge is finding an ideal approach to dismantle it before it creates a gap that could not be bridged. Romantic relationship requires conscious and constant attention to each other. The greatest success is approaching any challenge with love and respect knowing that you both have different foundational socialization from which you built your values and belief systems. Taking control of your life is ability to allowing your partner to be himself or herself when being part of you; thus enjoying the uniqueness of humanity in expressing love.

Taking control: Your success will change in relationships when you change!

Change is within you when you choose a New - You!

As you exited childhood, you experienced change physically, perceptually and socially.  The process of understanding change got better as you got exposed to it through various social institutions; revealing a wider and subjective view of the meaning of life to you.

Change defined!

Change in the context of experiencing time and the quality of interaction with others denotes deeper understanding of factors that contribute to pleasant or unpleasant experiences over the period. It is being aware of the actual trend you experienced life versus the subjective expectations of what life should be. We all could identify ourselves with this change in terms of the trend on relationships, financial success, health and career.

Only you can change you!

Key contributors of your subjective world and the need for change!

If you want to know the lifestyle of your neighbors, simply watch their children playing: Their language, mannerism and values are displayed through their children because children have capacity to absorb and project everything with all their sensual ports. This good attribute is also the instrument of fundamental fixation regarding the subjective view of the world as an adult because whatever you heard from your caregivers became important components of your values and belief systems. Change therefore is a necessary catalyst, which enable you to unlearn and rebuild new values and beliefs. You have been changing continually and each day will continue to build and shape your worldview if you seek to change yourself and not others as follows:

1.    Change is effective when it addresses and modifies your identified blemishes. This means nothing will impact you unless you are aware and receptive of it.

2.    When you are aware that your power to change is within, you will note that your world will change when you change; thus confirming that what happens in your world reveals your thoughts, feelings, words and actions. This therefore denotes that attempting to change others is lacking the wisdom of how change occurs.

3.    Every mistake should have impacted you positively if you did not focus on the pain which attracted more painful experiences or blaming others. Mistakes provided a much needed database from which you could establish the trend of why and how you make them.

4.    Your inner positive or negative energy will determine how your impact others which will greatly influence your attitude and believe system. You will notice that there is a trend in how you managed previous relationships; especially colleagues and romantic partners.

Inherently mankind would prefer if other people would behave according to their values and beliefs. Relationships tend to be complex because we seek a complete take-over of the other persons’ life to complete ours. Taking control of your life is recognizing this emptiness that seeks an addition to self to experience joy and completeness. It is important therefore to be fully aware of our underlying psychological needs that manifest in various forms of misconceptions.  When we are able to see our own emptiness, we will seek change that empowers us towards being enough; thus lessening our dependency and demanding attitude from others.

Taking control: How to keep your inner space calm and peaceful!

When you are aware of the need for calm and peacefulness, you will seek  them!!

Calm and peace are byproducts of love; they qualify the most envied emotional condition of self control. A calm person exert a positive energy and tends to create less threatening environment which allows and support trust and general positive regard of others.

Inner space defined!

Spiritually, the inner space is the whole essence of humanity, and regarded as godly because it is generally motivated by love. It is selfless and seeks to minister to others unconditionally and compassionately. At this realm, love prevails because perception of others is equal; that is, it is devoid of prejudice and other qualifications that determine the level of social recognition. Inner space is a non-physical component of humanity that has inexhaustible wisdom and is a domain of human spirituality.

The rationale for keeping the inner space calm and peaceful!

Your goals will support your
determination  to maintain
calmness and peace!

According to the principles of Positive Psychology, all people seek satisfactory life which is generally achieved through personal growth that leads to happiness. This deeper wisdom of humanity raises an awareness that it is our personal responsibilities to empower ourselves to find and unlock the door to our optimal life. It is proven that when a person knows his or her social and spiritual needs, it is easier to accept the fact that each person has his view of the world and therefore could subjectively access general calm and peacefulness.

Characteristics of calm and peaceful persons

Calmness and peacefulness are important components of happiness which is achievable through positive social ties with close family and other social institutions. Happiness is derived from leading a fully social and spiritual life that empowers a person to comprehend and lead purpose driven life. The following are characteristics of calm and peaceful persons:

1.   Through trial and error they have settled to being unashamedly content with self.

2.   They do not succumb to any form of manipulation by others. They do not fear criticism nor react to those who judge them.

3.   Experience taught them to seek to control inner self and to a limited extend their environment because no one has power over anybody except self.

4.   Through positive thinking, they have learned that every cloud has a silver lining. This point to the fact that every mistake has a blessing. When you understand this principle, you can effectively maintain calm and personal peace.

5.   Being enough denotes that one has accepted own blemishes and dwells on strengths and not weaknesses.

6.    They are open mindedness about self and others. This is attainable only if one maintain childlike attitude of loving others unconditionally, forgiving unlovable people and having time to play at fitness clubs and home. Being open mindedness denotes ability to absorb unpleasant experiences with low level of stress. Remember that basically there is nothing new; it is just that it is your first experience of the incident.   

7.   Ability to clean the inner space through meditation and adopting gratitude as a principle that motivates acceptance of others as they are. Gratitude is an ability to see good in any situation; thus ensures that a practitioner is calm and peaceful.

You can take control of your life by empowering yourself and remain teachable so that new experiences do not give you platform to judge others. If you seek quite time at least one hour per day before you sleep, you will have found a key that could open a door to the most envied human ability to maintain calm and peace. Our Creator advises anyone who seeks enlightenment to speak less. In other words when you seek calmness and peace, you will not entertain fruitless arguing match by those who are over the edge of tolerance of others. Instead, you will naturally join those who advocate for calm in addressing issues, always saturating self with peace that spills over to effectively transform others.