Taking Control: Guiding factors in choosing a marriage partner?

Whatever you ask in prayer, it shall be given!

Choosing a mate is a serious step because it is permanent. Those who engage in it must therefore be mature and well informed about key components of sexual love. In some cultures parental involvement is stronger and actually carries more weight than what a couple feels and or think.

What is a marriage?

Marriage is a life-long bond of the two whole persons –spirit soul and body - who agree to give themselves to each other and understand that they will leave their parents and relatives and jointly start a new chapter together. Christian marriage emphasis leaving and cleaving to denote that both man and woman will withhold nothing and therefore will share all resources. This means a strong union that is referred to as “one flesh”. Another important aspect is a promise to socialize their offspring according to the principles and guidelines of God who designed the marriage.

Guiding factors in choosing a marriage partner!

There are key factors to consider when choosing a marriage partner which depend on social and or religious requirements.  In many societies, social norms comes first and are the basis upon which parents and religious leaders take the next step of matrimonial processes.  Those who consider marriage often consult life coaches, marriage counselor or parental guidance after having gone through the first phase of selection which we call dating. The dating process is based on the following:

1.    Attractiveness – This starts the whole process of dating.  Although the chemistry is important, it could be misleading if is not aligned to engaging other faculties other than the mind.  A male or female with physical fitness, mental alertness, and a clear intellectual and professional direction is stimulating.  Since attractiveness is subjective, it requires a period of verification so that it could be internalized to validate its authenticity.   

Compatibility includes TRUE LOVE!

2.    Compatibility – This can only be established if the couple is open.  Christians are encouraged to choose a mate from the Christians congregation to ensure compatibility. First norm in Christian principles is sexual abstinence which is the easiest way of shunning the wrong mate. I call it wrong because the common root of low self-esteem issues is dumped girls after they have been violated. This valuable criterion is being looked down upon because experimenting with sex is a norm these days and is therefore a first test to be accepted.  

3.   The family background – It is wise to know the family background to have an idea of the environment in which your lifetime partner was socialized into, because such knowledge will reveal childhood issues which influence the way he or she makes decisions.  Besides; you must note that all family members and their closely kept secrets of fights will affect you in the future.

4.   Education differences – Both parties could be well read but their profession could be incompatible. On the other hand, if one is lower, it could create a gap which ultimately would cause low self esteem issues.

5.   Culture and social environment – Never overlook the power of culture if you are a modern person who has moved away from extended family circles in rural areas. It must be addressed and clearly understood.

6.   Personal differences – If one party is a carefree and the other is cautious; the relationship will be negatively affected.  It is therefore important to disclose hobbies. For an example one party is an outdoor person and the other loves watching television and reading. Will there be a compromise!

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Taking control of your life denotes careful analysis of the above factors and add it to your list. Remember that this beautiful person in your life is a spiritual being and therefore it is wise to do your own research on spiritual issues that are likely to build a wall of separation between you in future. Do listen to parental inputs, but it has to be your decision.   It is critical to not rush the process and be rational about finding somebody who will love you unconditionally.  It means finding someone who practices the principle of positive thinking; or has explored the principles of spiritual enlightenment. 

Taking control: How to commit to long-term relationship!

Commitment is a positive actions. If it is not there, one party committed a fraud!

Commitment is a challenge even to the most loving couple; hence the spiraling divorce cases and or dysfunctional families. Long-term relationship is a decision to commit to one person, allowing your heart to over-rule your ego every time temptation to give up rears its ugly face!

What is a commitment?

Commitment is a vow you have pledged to the partner in a long-term relationship. It is an obligation, dedicated to keeping the bond alive through loyalty and maintaining integrity of the words of promise. It is fanning the fire of love with pure thoughts; daily affirmation of keeping it alive and intentional actions that build stronger bond.

The don’ts of committing to long-term relationship!

A long-term relationship is a joint venture which requires each party to understand its purpose and how to make it work. It requires a revelation of unity of thoughts, words and actions because all are creative and therefore must generate similar vibrations. The following are highlights of don’ts in committing to a long-term relationship:

1.    Never doubt the intensity of the other party’s commitment because of flaws. Doubt is a breeding phase of a negative energy which tends to keep record of mistakes to birth a point of negative intention.

2.    Never entertain a negative thought about the other party; kill it as soon as it emerges. Remember a thought is classified as important if you allow it to stay in your mind for about twenty seconds.

3.    Never allow a friend’s whisper about what occurred in your absence. What you do not know will never hurt you!

The dos of committing to long-term relationship!

The bond of love should really be a bond - leaving no space for anything or anyone.  If there is a space for your mother and father, then you did not understand the part about cleaving onto each other until death part you both. You surely missed the part about being one, and being promised a blessing when you stay that way! So, how does one commit to a long-term relationship?

1.    Do flood your mind with thoughts of love and how to keep it that way.

The reliable source of commitment is
therefore your heart...!

2.    Do communicate openly; revealing your gloom and glories! Never keep your partner in suspense when you have had a rough day!

3.    Do become vulnerable to each other; that will give ego no room to hedge around the truth or manipulate each other. When you open up and allow each other to see and feel all of you, you truly become one! The Creator who designed marriage promised to feed that love with unnumbered blessings.

4.    Do remember the cardinal rules: A man is a provider and must love you; your part is simply allowing him to shower you with love by submitting to that love and trusting the universe to meet you half-way. Love plus submission equals commitment to long-term relationship!

5.     Trust and respect are the main ingredients of commitment; it is a recipe of true love that outlives aging and physical shortcomings.

6.    When challenges of parenting come, resort to the marriage designer’s rules about raising children; avoid opting for your individual parents’ approaches.  Referring to your respective socialization will punch a hole in your vow on ‘cleaving to one another’!

Do take control of maintaining your commitment to your long-term relationship by sharing your thought; offering helpful information without watering down each other’s point of view with derogative words. Commitment to long-term relationship is a spiritual journey; it requires very little social concepts.  The evidence of their failure is a list of prisons that house murderers of their once loved ones and court-cases that created a lucrative career for lawyers!  Commitment is a personal value of keeping marriage promises until the natural death of one of the parties.

Taking control: How to let-go rejection and embrace self-contentment!

If you dwell on rejection, your become a prisoner ...! Be content with life now!

Mankind is a social being; seeking to be loved and accepted by parents, family, community and the world at large. The most common emotional wound is rejection. The remedy is learning to be content with yourself, regardless of circumstances. This is a life-long process of redefining and molding a new-you.

Rejected for maintaining your personal principles!

Rejection is painful even if it is due to your high moral standards. It is double-injurious when it occurs following a compromise that lowers values and or personal moral standards. Before you let anyone override your personal principles, remember that it is almost impossible to be perfect for anybody. In other words, it is important to be yourself and let someone love you for who you are. That kind of relationship is likely to survive the normal adjusting phase as you decide whether you can live with someone’s habits and lifestyle. Forsaking your principle will not only result in resentment, it reveals that you do not value yourself. It could be a revelation that you have a low self-esteem. If you are rejected because of your high standards, be happy! You have successfully managed to weed-out your emotional garden; you have made a clear statement that you are in control of your inner space.

Rejected after compromising your values!

Rejection after compromising personal values is common among teens because it occurs during a phase where the need for sense of belonging is very important. Often young adults regard values learned from parents as not ‘cool’ and learn the hard way that lowering standards is emotionally costly. Young girls get hard-hit by the first love rejection wherein such emotional trauma could lead to self-doubt or and fear of committing to relationships later in life. It is said that most street girls have trapped emotional trauma from rejection. The tendency is to take love out of the equation to the extent of making this sacred act of love, a business transaction.

How to embrace self-contentment!

The simplicity of life is HOW you define it...!

Self-contentment is a byproduct of enlightenment. It is the evidence of spiritual growth which enables you to see the world from the holistic view. Embracing self-contentment is therefore a necessary journey which requires you to practice the following life-style:

1.    Be content with the totality of who you are – strengths and weaknesses.

2.    Keep your life simple: Get out of the fast lane and stressful environment of high expectations that are beyond your current resources.

3.    Be patient with yourself when weeding out those undesirable habits. Do not be anxious nor judge yourself when you relapse.

4.    Keep taps on your life: Life does not happen to you; you create it every moment when you allow your mind to be on auto-pilot mode. The remedy is to be alert and leave a balanced life according to you.

5.    Choose to be happy regardless of the circumstances; learn to be optimistic about your personal growth.

6.    Be content with yourself: Gradually address your emotional baggage through other non-conventional healing techniques such as EFT, NLP and Emotion Code.

7.    Increase your self esteem by writing your strengths and your weaknesses and daily commit to affirming your strengths. This will diminish your focus and awareness of your short-comings.

8.    Take care of your physical body: You feel good when you have adequate weight; pay attention to grooming. Adopting a happy attitude will greatly enhance your natural beauty and attract pleasant and helpful people to you.

9.    Appreciate life: When you love yourself, you will not allow others to abuse you. You will appreciate nature and its abundance. The universe will respond favorable to your positive energy by giving back that which you give, multiplied.

10. Love unreservedly; it is as natural as breathing!

Letting go rejection is a conscious decision to take control of your life by ensuring that you are proactive towards positive change; socially, physically and spiritually. Embracing life is about being optimistic and expressing gratitude with your thoughts first and openly by loving others unconditionally. Rejection denotes withholding love; it is regarded as the root of many emotional and physical ailments.

  

Taking control: How to hold on to gratitude in the mist of your storms!

Love will soon die without gratitude...!

If you could recall any one of your storms in the three areas that form your life purpose – relationships, wealth and health – all you saw was the world collapsing around you; sucking life out of you! You probably did not even return good messages during the period. Gratitude could not be part of the equation!

What is gratitude?

Gratitude is a collection of positive feelings and actions resulting from positive thinking. It is a result of a revelation of who the Creator is and all His creation, natural laws and the role of mankind as a steward in upholding its completeness. Gratitude is a significant part of enlightenment which shows mankind that he is a main ingredient in the design of the universe; that all is meant to benefit him when he acts in compliance with its supporting mechanisms. It is part of purposeful living which leads to self-actualization.

How to learn what gratitude is!

Learning is always a process; it is just as you learned everything else from infancy: You crawl, took the first step, walked and then ran.  You uttered one word, a few words and then learned to connect words to make a sentence. Gratitude is a spiritual growth wherein you notice that you are not a physical being; that the invisible self contains a lot of who you really are: A complex being that uses only ten percent of the brain for conscious functions for the five senses - seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling and feeling with our skin.  The ninety percent of our cognitive processes are for unconscious functions such as digestive, nervous, immune and reproductive systems functions that control monitors your vital organs without direct conscious input. The remaining part is for archiving information and experiences in the subconscious mind. Your body remembers stuff you would rather forget. Think about that! For example, would you cope with remembering to breath, ensure that you heart beat accordingly and which organ needs which vitamin or mineral to function! That is a lot to be grateful for! You have a body that is automated, intelligent and refuse to be de-schooled when it comes to maintaining a flow of positive energy. In other words, your body tells you when you abuse it; you get ill – physically or emotionally. This is why controlling and manipulation (which are by-products of lying) are such a huge task which affect your immune system negatively; it produces a negative energy and therefore runs in opposite direction to gratitude which supports life in totality.

Gratitude in Relationships!

Relationships are important and you became who you are now through informal learning; your first teachers were your parents, extended family and then other social institutions. If you are still living in a bliss with your chosen spouse or partner, congratulations! It denotes that you value each other through gratitude! If you are struggling and wondering what went wrong with the physical attraction and emotional attachment, pause and take a moment to reflect if one or both of you took each other for granted! Gratitude in relationships pertains to:

a)   Loving another person for who he or she is and not because he or she gave in to your selfish controlling and manipulation. Manipulation could hide in occasional flowers with a card – carefully worded to express love. Well! Love is an action word and as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. Gratitude is a key in kindling love with new positive energy daily.

b)   Are you the only one who do laundry, cook and take the trash out? Gratitude will not allow one partner to slave, but will enable both to be  stewards of harmony without becoming accountants in terms of how much and how many times one or both did chores! When you want to minister to you partner through gratitude, it will be joy to you, not a burden. It will be an act of love that speaks volumes of how much you value your spouse or partner; it will be a lifestyle of fresh expression of love everyday!

c)    Paying attention to details: Do you know that this is more practical at home than at the office when you attempt to appease your boss? Let the first statement when you meet your mate show that you care; ask: How was your day? Let the words reveal and exudes your love. Offer a glass of drink or water, garnished with something that say; ‘you are home and you are appreciated’!

If both of you show gratitude, would there be a room for controlling and manipulation? No! Gratitude is about appreciation of life and using it to bring what you want in abundance. The Law of Harmonious Attraction recognizes gratitude and will surely make your relationship flourish! The Creator is Love, and those who want to access life goodies memorized one element of the divine definition of love: Develop a short memory of wrongs and never refer to a past mistake. Decide to see the goodness by saying ‘thank you’ even when you encounter a challenge. Each time you express gratitude, you practice and experience self-control, which is the last of the nine attributes of the spirituality according to the Bible (Galatians 5:22). Gratitude is an expression of your responsibility to take control of your life and rise above the challenges; focusing only towards becoming what you purpose in your heart.  

Take control: How to choose a long-term mate!

Choosing a mate is a life changing experience...!

The process of choosing an ideal long-term mate is challenging for most people; it is like finding a needle in a hay-stack.  The scary part is declaring your undying love to the total stranger hoping that what you are saying will outlive you.

What is a marriage?

Sociologically, marriage is defined as a socially supported union involving two or more individuals in what is regarded as a stable, enduring arrangement based on a sexual bond. Spiritually marriage is sacred; this means it is a divine covenant through which the Creator authenticates childbearing and creates a connection whereby a man is given a social responsibility of providing and protecting the offspring from the sexual relationship.   Marriage is commonly defined as a binding lifelong commitment in which a man is a head of a social unit. It has two key binding conditions: First for the man to love and honor a woman until death parts them. Secondly a woman is created for a man and is to submit to him and also honor him until death parts them.

Biblical history in the Old Testament indicated that two families agreed to marry their children and that agreement was enough to regard the couple engaged until they come mature enough to consummate marriage union. Christian marriage emphasizes leaving and cleaving to denote that both man and woman must leave their respective families and cleave to each other; withhold nothing. They are therefore referred to as “one flesh”. Another important aspect which the couple is expected to bind themselves with is to raise their offspring according to the principles and guidelines of God who designed the marriage.

The process of choosing the mate:

The following constitute key factors when choosing a mate:

1.    Physical Attraction: Unlike other mammals, mankind is equipped with internal mechanism that helps in screening several candidates for the prospective mate.  It is critical to note that physical attraction is not enough. The knowing-each-other period is very important and must be totally open.  The couple must rise above the physical beauty to the reality of life-long intimate life as man and wife. This is a huge step, which requires individuals to be guided on issues of compatibility. True beauty radiates from within and permeates the physical features.

2.    Compatibility:  Key pointers of compatibility can only be established if the couple is open and willing to regard their communication as the tool that will enable them to see and feel compatibility.  Christians are encouraged to choose a mate from Christians so that their values would enable them to raise their offspring from the solidarity of principles.  From the Christian perspective compatibility does not include experimenting with sex. While sex is an important aspect of marriage, it should not be the deciding factor and this usually requires guidance through premarital counseling.

3.    The family background: It is wise to know the family background to have an idea of the environment in which your lifetime partner was socialized into. Such knowledge will reveal childhood issues which influence the way he or she makes decisions. 

4.    Education differences: The level of education is another key factor because parenting requires both parties to re-socializing themselves to weed out values and beliefs that do not support their agreed optimal family standards. For an example, will you register your children at community school or English Medium School?

5.    Culture and social environment – Your mate could have a background, which dictates how a wife should behave and interact with the community. For example, if you are a modern woman you may be prohibited to wear pants and a make-up. This subject must be addressed and agreed upon.

6.    Personality differences: You are likely to differ in personality types and it is important to know how much. There are four types: Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic and Phlegmatic. – If one party is a carefree and the other is cautious; the relationship is likely to experience a bumpy ride.  Hobbies could unite or separate the couple and create irreversible discontent. If one likes outside activities like hiking and the other likes to settle on a couch with a good book that will eventually affect the couple negatively.

Life is what you make of it. Nothing changes within you; only cultural norms dictate how you have to behave. If you choose to comply with such social pressures, you may lose focus of who you are or want. You are likely to develop new expectation of each other; thus unconsciously creating a gap between yourselves. Taking control denotes designing your life and finding someone who also know what he/she wants and take it from there. Attempting to find someone to control is not finding a life partner with whom you could share yourself and resources unreservedly.

Taking control: How to overcome the fear of loving again!

Love is as natural as breathing!
There is someone out there who will allow love and surrender to this beautiful gift...!

Love is a positive emotion; distinctly characterized by attachment, caring and intimacy. Fear of giving love is a negative emotion which is likely to render a person lonely, unproductive and unable to move from gross-roads. 

What breaking up means!

Breaking up denotes that a couple failed to compromise their principles, beliefs, and values to the extent that their paths became parallel; never to meet anywhere. Both parties are likely to develop deep feelings of hurt and betrayed confidence. It means one or both parties missed the mark either by faulty impressions of visible behavior and missed to engage intuition which is more accurate in discerning issues of the soul and spirit or by not addressing pertinent life principles during the initial stage of dating. Both are likely to get confused by impressions, which are objectives learned through physical senses and archived in the intellect and therefore come through that source. Intuition on the other hand comes from within and results from raised physical vibration state of consciousness through the physical brain. It is the higher state of consciousness of unobservable impending reality communicated from within; instructing you convincingly to take a particular action. In a case of broken relationship, it is critical to analyze impressions that led you astray and then reach within to get clear instruction of what remedial action will apply for you.

Learning to love again!

Learning is a mandatory ongoing process of acquisition of knowledge and skill. While psychologically erasing hurting experience is hard because your body cells memorized hurtful things that happened to you through one or all your senses, you can choose to consciously replace those memories with pleasant ones. Allowing fear to prohibit your heart to reciprocate affection from others is the clear statement of lack of faith in your ability to learn from your mistakes. It is condemning yourself to life imprisonment of withholding the most beautiful gift of experiencing emotional, intellectual and spiritual fulfillment from love; it is consciously giving power to those who have hurt you. Consider how you learned everything you know:

1.    Before you learned to walk someone took your hand and patiently encouraged you to take each step and picked you up when you fell; cheering your efforts for every step.

2.    As an adult, you made mistakes and because you have matured, you must analyze your contribution in failed relationship so that you can choose alternative strategies.

3.    Learn the principles of the natural laws:

a)   If you applied the Law of Force by way of manipulation, withholding love and attempting to control the other party, you reaped what you sowed. You created and born a free being and you cannot succeed to forcefully change others.

b)   Universal principle says that if you surrender something you cherish, it will come back to you multiplied. The Law of Harmonious Attraction says what you resist, persist. If conflict has reached resentment stage, it means a lot of damage has occurred because one or both parties have been unconscious of emotional, social, and psychological needs of the other. Trusting again will be a challenge and needs spiritual application of the principles of love. The Creator defines love (in the Bible – 1Corintians 13:1 -7) as ideal for humanity because He is love and we are created in His image. He has provided enabling mechanism of letting go of the past and giving unconditional love to others. He encourages us to choose love.

4.    Forgiving is a choice. It means choosing not to dwell on grief, instead to let time heal the emotional wounds and allowing trust to build because love cannot develop and exist without trust.

5.    The challenge of developing and building love means trusting yourself first that you can regard a new partner without comparing him or her with your ex. It is being ready psychologically to give and receive care, approval and allowing physical contact; it is deciding to be vulnerable again to another person. Loving again is being conscious about valuing the other party’s needs and happiness. It is paying attention to the quality of intimacy – sharing of your thoughts, desires and feelings with each other.

Love is a natural state of being and existence. It is a life promoting gift without which a person loses purpose and stops to grow. Decision to move out of grief will thrive if a person has decided to let go the Law of Force and apply the Law of Harmonious Attraction. To gain momentum in the latter requires application of the power of now; being fully aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions. It is learning and consistently practicing declaration of intend to start-over a new life from the premise of unconditional love; one that seek and uphold strengths and not weaknesses.  

Taking control: Reclaim your power from within!

Mankind is equipped with amazing power
to conquer anything...!

Reclaiming your power denotes awakening of all faculties that are known to be more than the physical person. It is being conscious of connectivity with the Creator of the universe and natural laws that govern it. Human power is therefore experienced at the level at which a person is conscious of.

The power within!

You are created to be complete with the resemblance of the Creator – able to experience the environment mentally, emotionally and discern the world spiritually. These non-physical components are where your power lies.

1.   You create with your mind: You have your life history in your subconscious mind and you are adorned with ability to move from the past into the new world if you choose to do so. Nonetheless, the majority of people remains in the past and suffer the consequences of non-growth. Your mind can also carry you into the fantasy world and create unachievable goals which could frustrate you and consequently make you a bitter and blaming person. Ideally you could take a pause, and assess if you have at any time of your life, experienced the power of your mind in your attempts to create wealth. Your mind is a key in experiencing fulfilling relationships, influencing your eating habits and playing a significant role in creating wealth.

2.   Your emotion makes you a social being: You may need to commune with others to balance your social and spiritual self; but you need not idolize other human beings. Note if you have a clingy attitude; that is, you need other people to experience joy and contentment.  If so, you are fixated in what Maslow call the need for the sense of belonging. As long as you are unable to exit this emotional attachment to others, you will not self-actualize. Find professional help to experience all of you:

a)   Experience your deepest fears so that you can face them and eliminate them.

b)   Learn to experience love so that you can feel inhibitions in self or towards others.

c)    Love yourself first to establish social values within which you can interact and give yourself unreservedly to others.

d)   Identify your emotional baggage so that you can deal with life challenges objectively as you climb your social ladder through various social institutions.

3.   External stimuli could be confusing: Your parents, spouse, children and friends can never really love you because you are unique being with the unique mission; it is only you who got a revelation of your life purpose.  Often if you dare express your mission to them, they will ether modify or ridicule you. Your vision is your inner power revealed to the world.

4.   Your vision is well provided for: Your wisdom comes from within; it reveals what knowledge you require and who you need to network with to create your wealth. Embark on your divine purpose for it is designed for you; your significant ones may not have what it takes to offer any significant help.

What to do to access the power from within!

1.    Get off the fast lane and create quite environment to experience your mental powers, feel your emotions, identify with your spiritual self and learn to hear the voice from within.

2.    Remove clutter in the form of unprofitable activities such as watching television soaps, engaging in social sites and Whatsapp; and refraining from excessive partying.

3.    Learn the power of meditation and practice it. Knowledge without practice is useless.

4.    Learn to purposefully improve your content with useful knowledge like discovering your social or financial intelligence. We all need information and skills on how to acquire and manage money.  We also need to live with others and therefore we have to let go the tendency to control and manipulate others.  You cannot change others but yourself.

5.    Evaluate your decision making skills and find information materials on new age thinking concepts and how to align your energy with the universe to benefit from it. The universe responds favorably to love and will deal harshly to your negative thoughts and feelings.

You are responsible to your prosperity and have key resources from within you. The universe provides resources according to your mental and emotional faculties and therefore you create your world. Taking control denotes your decision to start-over a new life and learning to reach from within you to experience optimum life.