Taking Control: How you can nurture peace in a second chance relationship!

Second chance relationship is fragile and need to be handled with care, which can only be attainable through being conscious of the underlying motives.  Thoughts are the starting point of your words and actions and they creep in when you lose sight of your decision of being a peaceable person.

Second chance relationship defined!

A relationship occurs when the two parties build on their first encounter rapport and allow it to create a bond that connect them as they discover each other’s personality and interests.  It comes as each identifies and gets intrinsic satisfaction that adds value to their personal needs and goals.  A second chance relationship is a fruit of objective assessment of the conflict and learning from its causes.  It is based on strong determination to focus on the strengths of the other party and refusing to allow small specks to disfigure the values inherent in the other person. It is characterized by focusing on development of self and learning to allow imperfections in your life and others.   

Why is the second chance relationship fragile?

A normal person learns from his or her mistakes and would therefore be sensitive to cues that lead to similar conflict.  While it is logical to stay out of trouble by not discussing the old situations, you must purposefully abstain from negative confrontations that could arouse or encourage you or the other party to make reference to situations outside the current one.  Your subconscious mind is good in keeping records and will always perform this function with excellence. So the ball is in your court to keep that door shut by being conscious of ego’s desire to refer to previous feelings of hurt, resentment, need to revenge or being controlling. The challenge is learning to listen to your inner self and recognize negativism.  Secondly, it is verbalizing the decision not to reopen shut doors so that each will comply with these expressed needs to nurture peace and do everything to sustain it even in trying situations.  Thirdly, it is to recognize that to sustain peace is your daily goal affirmed through statements and actions of love to the other party.  By expressing loving words and confirming with actions, you are reprogramming your mind to not indulge in sabotaging thoughts.   However, you must not deny those thoughts when they surface.  Rather watch them without judging yourself because you will be repressing then instead of learning from them; thus assessing how far you have progressed in configuring a new you!

Observing the golden rule to peaceful environment

It takes two to tango so to speak! Both parties must therefore agree on a golden rule which suits them.  For an example, they could both discuss and agree that fostering a safe environment is fundamental to building trust, true forgiveness, empathy and relearning to love unconditionally.  Such an agreement could assist each party to feel normal and be under no pressure to display window dressing behavior.  This means that both parties individually seek to nurture positive attitude within self because it is the only approach that would be devoid of controlling or manipulating.

Second chance relationship does more than give you an opportunity to ‘see’ yourself.  It reveals your ability to uproot undesirable learned behaviors that could derail you and therefore deprive you of an opportunity to life a fulfilling life with others.  You take control of your life when you maintain an open mind to learn from all circumstances. The truth holds that learning transcends the grave!  If you are a human being, you have a potential to taint a good environment or neutralize a bad one! 

Taking control: Second chance relationship thrives on the power of now!

Now is the moment of power because only then can you effectively attempt to correct the past. The fleeting moment of your power signifies the rationale to internalize the value of your full awareness of your thoughts, feelings and actions.  

Unconscious people do not understand the power of now!

Life is dynamic and therefore makes History relatively useful. For you to walk with me and internalize the power of now, consider the meaninglessness of engaging in angry thoughts over your partner’s inability to give you desirable attention! Whose heart is pounding and raising the blood pressure? If you realize for the first time that you are the one suffering and you are also the only one who can stop the condition, then you are finally awake!  The paradox of life is these:

1.   You can decide to live now: The past events are mostly faulty and you cannot change any of those.  You can however start now to appreciate the fact that you are alive and well and capable of contributing to your happiness and fulfilling life or dwell in your pain by rewinding on hurtful thoughts. Life does not happen to you; but is a response of your inputs. Any good or bad things happening to you now, you have attracted.

2.   Learn about your strengths and weaknesses: If you want to really promote yourself, you will start by being grateful for your strengths; they are given tools to overcome any challenge in your life. Identify and embrace your weaknesses; only then can you watch without labeling or judging and then seek to unlearn and replace such behaviors.    

3.   Understand the benefits of operating in now mode: You can switch off angry thoughts when you think and internalize irreversible health conditions they cause to your physical body. The Creator designed your body to thrive on love, joy, happiness, and kindness.  He configured you with self control so that you are the driver of your life all the time!  In other words, you are responsible for your holistic wellness! Consider this; when you allow anger to darken your moment, are you exercising self control? Remember to love according to how love is defined by the Creator in the Bible ( 1 Corinthians 13:1 – 8) and other spiritual books.  

How can you get started in attracting ideal life?

First of all, do you want to be happy? If the answer is yes, then make decision now to maintain that condition! If you feel you cannot because your partner makes you mad, evaluate what is it that really triggers the animal in you? My point is; often you contribute to things –good and bad – that happens to you.  It could be that you are the one who is carrying a black bag of energy! How much do you know about your own make-up as a spiritual being? Do you understand your underlying spiritual and emotional triggers?  The quality of your spirituality impact on your social life: The level of happiness as a social being; your professional upward mobility; access to wealth and its impact on you and others; and whether you are on tract seeking that which you were created for - ability to achieve your goals.

 

Your second chance in building a life relationship reflects your resilience and sense of owing up the fruit of your investment! The function of the soil is to grow anything that is placed inside it.  A garden will therefore yield crops or weeds? Broken relationships could be a feedback that you did not sow anything of value in the relationship if you belief that life is what you make of it!

Taking control: How to nurture and maintain a second chance relationship!

A second chance relationship is one in which a couple reconcile their differences and agree to start-over. It is a result of a soul-searching exercise wherein both parties voluntarily evaluate their respective underlying actions which resulted in separation and project a renewed commitment to rebuild their relationship.

The rationale for the second chance!

The second chance is being able to objectively see the role of your destructive behavior and taking responsibility to identify remedial actions.  It should be a decision to go all the way in developing building thoughts, engaging in supporting actions and affirming with words of faith in your ability to follow your heart.  The following will help list and briefly discuss how the building could be done:

1.   Clear the air by addressing expressed concerns: Never underestimate the power of small offenses such as careless words that attacks personal blemishes such as, “you never pick your dirty clothes!”  Replace such an attack with, “I would appreciate if you could help me put your dirty laundry in the basket every evening”. Open talk weeds out resentment and build trust and readiness to cover each other’s weaknesses.

2.   Build trust through allowing personal needs: Trust grows from allowing your partner to live his/her life with you.  Let me explain: When you were dating, you had to be on your toes so to speak; making sure that everything about you is appealing and impresses your fiancé.  That was unreal! You would be miserable if you were to spend the rest of your life acting out a window-dressing behavior.  The point is, choosing a life mate means you consciously allow one stranger to come into your life as he/she is and allow him/her to enjoy life together with you.  If there is nothing intolerant about this person, it is worth your while to make amends and see where you failed to accommodate each other unreservedly.

3.   Accept change: Denotes maturity about life being dynamic.  Often men do no adjust to see beauty of their partner after childbirth.  Instead of unreserved support, they show signs of being bored or turned-off by the changed body. Some speak emotionally damaging unkind words about gained weight, floppy breasts and tummy.  The fact is, the girl sleeping next to you, used to be stunning until she allowed you to have your baby! Learn to appreciate her and keep her self esteem intact.

4.   Sharing life: If you both understand what marriage is, your former attitude about material and non-material things you accumulated or plan to have, stopped being yours when you vowed to honor and cherish each other until death.  Sex is the major part of sharing and it is sacred to the Creator who designed marriage.  If this is not clear, you need to seek professional help so that you stop continuing to be a boy or a girl instead of a mature, responsible adult who understand that love is not controlling nor abusing each other.

These affirmative steps can create environment that is conducive to start-over a new chapter that is intended to allow daily bridging of personal differences and building positive and accepting attitude that is key to unconditional love. The second chances is ideal as long as one of the partner is not a narcissist and therefore teachable to adapt to partnership lifestyle.