Taking control: How to handle spiritual issues of the second chance relationship!

Spirituality is a personal and very sensitive subject especially if you discovered it after you tied the knot.  The challenge is how you handle the fact that your spouse is not keen to listen and is averted by the subject!

Trust the power of the Creator!

It is important to remember that you can only control you and nobody! Marriage is the first social institution through which the Creator demonstrated the need for authenticity of all human being by prohibiting sex outside marriage. So, if your spouse is not listening to anything that speaks of spirituality, run to your Creator with faith that He knew your situation and is not even surprised that you are unevenly yoked. His promise is that He will not allow anything beyond your capability to happen to you.  He knows your predicament and you must seek the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.  The challenge is; do you know how He speaks?

1. Evangelize with your actions!

Are you being judgmental? This is a very serious analysis; one that could make or break the relationship!  Actually the ball is in your court so to speak! Your husband must see your tranquil attitude in spite of the storm.  He must wonder why you are not pissed off by his non-committal attitude to his life after death and his role as the head of the family to be a role-model for his children.  In other words, it is up to you to demonstrate that spirituality is the essence of life for we come out of the Creator who is the Spirit.  It is your opportunity to show that believers are the light of the world for they cannot align themselves with any underworld activities.  Believers are also the salt of the earth for they impact others positively through unconditional love! So, practice unconditional love for your spouse so that he could see the beauty of walking in the light!

2. Observe key principle of Christian life!

Key principles of marriage is faithfulness to each other; submission; quite life; empowering yourself with the Scripture; raise your children well and love God and other people. Men like orderliness and these will surely show him that you are dependable and are truly a help-mate.  Integrity should be demonstrated at home; this will increase his respect of your openness and accountability.  Be a role-model at your work and seek God to make your strengths your winning cards! You can achieve this by updating your professional credentials and skills; simply be proactive!

3. Balance your functional roles!

Give him his undivided attention as spouse so that he would not have any objection when you set a time for your morning devotion and Scripture reading and learning.  You know that God wants believers to minister to each other; do your best to make him happy.  Avoid crowding your day to avoid a burn-out experience.  He will eventually learn to observe your determination to serve him as a husband, be a compelling mother to his children, professional woman of substance and a believer who make a difference! God says His yoke of light and wants believers to minister to Him first and everything they seek will be granted as requested!

4. Socialization blocks are real!

Sometimes we forget the power of informal foundational education; its roots could be unshakable especially if the parents used corporal punishment for compliance of the rules.  So, this handsome man beside you could still be struggling with the fear of his parents even if they are both dead.  Such classical conditioning could have a firm hold on your spouse’s ability to make new decision that deviate from his family norms, values and beliefs.  Under such conditions, no amount of persuasion will work; seek the Creator’s power to transform and bring harmony in your marriage!

  

Taking control is learning to surrender rather than being forceful about social and spiritual changes.  What you resist, persist! You will never win by pulling stances and pushing good stuff down your spouse’ throat! Surrendering is being malleable in applying good principles on yourself to win the other person!   

Taking control: What to do when the family disapproves divorce!

Divorce is a termination of the marriage contract.  It is annulment of the legalized long-term relationship.  Divorce complicates the relationship between families of the couple and negatively affects the children. Its stress level is considered second to the death of the loved one.

Divorce takes a long process because from both spiritual and social point of view, it carries a lot of relationships complications: Socially it is undesirable because the two families become entangled in its painful ending. Often parents try to repair the damage by intervening and encouraging the couple to seek the professional counseling. The most challenging situation is when parents try too hard to mend irreparable marriage. From the side of a woman, parents may even remind her of childhood flaws that points to being stubborn. In African traditional settings for an example, a woman is often blamed that she had not been submissive to her husband’s demands.  It is therefore very hard when a woman is experiencing emotional pain and could see that love has completely dried out, to disclose such truth to her parents.  Divorcing couples need support from their respective families because they could try to be civil and encourage the same for the sake of the children.  For an example if there is physical fights, parents would protect the children from such scenes.

The process of arriving at divorce stage is usually long and painful because each party usually evaluates the pros and cons of ending the relationship.  A woman who is not supported by her family becomes more traumatized especially if the case is likely to favor the husband. Some women in such cases would rather stay married to avoid being separated from their children.  The danger of staying in a loveless relationship for women becomes even more complex for safety and health reasons.  Often women become so fearful that they choose to relocate. Such an option could be even more disruptive for her career and children’s school program.

Protection of children could be considered from a different perspective: Divorce that  maintain children’s rights to live with one parent surrounded by love and joyfully looking forward to visit their father would be far better than loveless marriage in which children are exposed to constant negative environment.  Couples that place their children’s needs and rights first, would do their best to be civil to each other.  The ideal situation is one where parents step in to make the transition as less hurting as possible.  When such support is withheld, a mother must consider a nanny who can offer adequate care.

Taking control denotes careful analysis of health and security risks involved in staying in a marriage to please the parents. Ideally children’s interests and needs must be determining factors because the relationships trauma could be irreparable.  Professional assistance is necessary to help parent to limit their pressure when marriage has reached a divorce point.  Ideal attitude should be unconditional support, trusting that all remedial measures have been considered.