Taking control: The emotional cost of staying in unfulfilling relationship!

Are you happy or okay? Only you knows the honest situation! 

At the moment of birth an infant clings to its mother for basic needs – love, food, security and shelter. Throughout life these needs still determines our level of prosperity and how we experience life. Relationships are therefore a determining factor of fulfilled life.

How do we describe unfulfilling relationship!

Unfulfilling relationship lacks some of the key and essential components of intimate love such as trust, emotional and or social security, adequate communication, openness and vulnerability.

Emotional cost of unfulfilling relationship!

A relationship is a product of emotional bond of two mature people who responded positively to physical attraction and expressively or implicitly agreed to share their physical and non-physical resources.  Ideal intimate relationship thrives on effective communication of expectations of giving and receiving resources from each party and how the relationship will be managed. Often the latter is never discussed adequately from the onset and become awkward to bring up later when expectations are not met.  For clarity we will relate the story of one lady called Lorna who was overwhelmed by a gentleman who approached her; she said it was as if she was being interviewed instead of being on a first date. She dropped the man and fell for a romantic man and got married within six months. They divorced within two years; very long two years while she was considering and verifying the mixed emotions and lukewarm relationship! It is important to note that there are only two types of feelings; good or bad! Now let us see why the relationship was not fulfilling:

1.   Hiding true emotions: Shortly after the honeymoon the marital bed grew lukewarm. The communication gaps multiplied and became longer. The relationship did not have deep foundations and was shaky. She sought support in friends and her sister. She was shocked by the speed of deterioration of something that she felt will last forever! The question is; on what grounds were her marriage vows based on?

2.   Tolerating a controlling behavior: Condescending talk causes deep fear and shame. The only time Lorna communicated with the beloved husband was when she raised her concerns about a command-like statement that demanded her to give more attention to keeping his closet laundered and shoes polished. Does that sound like sharing life with a beloved wife or a hired help? Emotional abuse is intentional and shows that love has declined to below tolerance; staying in such a marriage is not healthy.

3.   Unsupportive attitude: One cold morning Lorna was running late, doing the morning chores of preparing breakfast and tidying up when she discovered that her car had a flat tyre. At that time her husband was reversing into the driveway. She waved and informed him of the situation. He muttered something about being late for a meeting and drove off. He did not call to find out how she got to work. Is that how a loving and committed spouse should treat emergency situation concerning his wife?

4.   Social and emotional insecurity: Lorna had to assess where she stood; she could not feel secure nor see her future. She had become numb with disappointment: She noticed that she had not grown emotionally or spiritually since she met her husband; she has developed low self-esteem instead. Secondly, she has become a slave in their new home; she alone had to do house chores and was not being appreciated. Thirdly, she has not been saving money; she realized with dismay that they have never really discussed their future prospects and was frightened about the holes in their relationship. Emotional red lights were flashing; she must stir her life back on course without further delays!

Unfulfilling relationship is a mistake which one must see as such and take upon self to rectify as soon as one feels is heading nowhere in terms of sharing love, trusting each other  and being supportive and committed to each other’s personal and joint goals. Taking control of your life is being honest when evaluating the nature of a relationship you have. It is honestly learning from mistakes and not being afraid to start-over a new life!

  

Taking control: Re-write your life story in 2016

Your success and failure starts in your mind; so never be absent-minded!

Often we describe ourselves according to the point of view of those who socialize us because we believe everything adults say or do during our foundational stages. It is for this reason that I request you to take a moment to re-write your story from your subjective point of view!

You are what you believe you are!

Mankind is created after the likeness of the Creator and has power of creating anything with his mind and words. Everything you say or do started in your mind and manifests in words and actions. The major ingredient is feelings. They give shape or distinctive character of good or bad. If you are like me, I have just discovered that nobody really knows me; I am therefore the only person who can accurately describe my innermost thoughts of who I am and what principles motivates my thoughts and actions.

In my culture, mothers speak scornful words when they rebuke their children. Often they will point a flaw about whatever biological blemishes the father has in an insulting manner. So, would such a child be free of deep rooted shame about self? Very few parents know that such scornful comments are regarded as emotional abuse; this leaves a large number of parents who erred in that regard. 

  

What re-writing your story entails!

When you re-write your story you have to first erase the old version of what has been said about your personality traits:

1.    You are unique. This means whoever said anything about you described your mistakes and not you! Since most of the traits that describe you are inwards, it is highly possible that your parents and siblings are capable of describing you!

2.    It is important to re-write your story after internalizing the fact that you are a powerful being with the ability to recreate and be whatever you can imagine. Yes I said imagine because anything you imagine is a possibility and in essence is waiting to happen when you activate the power of your mind.

3.    Knowledge is power! Read the books and view videos about contributors of low self-esteem and how you can cut loose from the anchors of believing the lies. Next read the books about the natural laws and how they impact your current life view. For an example, if you have been told that you are slow-learner and therefore have limited ability to become what you desire and think about. Read a book about “Think and Grow Rich” and similar ones. You will emerge from the prison of poor socialization into a being that is unstoppable in whatever you perceive as a true self.

4.    How do you erase bad information? Engage in guided meditation about the power within and your ability to fly above storms of socialization. The danger of not cutting loose is that you may undervalue yourself to the point of letting your life go by and actually never discovering the true you!

Why it is important to re-write your story in 2016!

The true you is indeed amazing even to yourself!  After empowering yourself with the general

Start 2016 with determination
to daily discover a new you!

knowledge about individuality of a human being; it is important to discover who you are:

1.    Find who you are through free personality assessment tests under several theories including Jung.

2.    Learn about your emotional or financial intelligence. These are concepts that peal the socialization flaws and reveal the extent to which a person is equipped to prosper in this life.

3.    The Seven Intelligences is a tool that will point at your given strengths which determines your career.

4.    Meditation will help you to internalize these and enable you to take control of your life.

5.    Learn to accept failure as a learning curve and stepping stones that leads you to discover new strategies towards your life goals. All good things are the results of persistence; therefore regard any failure as a practice which gives you a refined insight to a specific challenge.

We live in the era of the revelation of the universe and its natural laws and how they impacts on us. Let 2016 be the time of refreshing; the time to cross over to the other side where the only restriction of self-discovery is inflicted by you. Let no one hinder you to be the best that you are; you are a creative being, a powerful and capable of becoming the best in whatever is given to you! Your task is to discover your gifts; they are keys that will open doors so that you can exit into prosperous 2016.

Taking control: What is your earnest financial success desire in 2016?

Success starts in the mind!
Poverty mentality and desire for financial success cannot co-exist! 

Every person is motivated to wake up the following day to fulfill specific needs which are met by segmenting them into long and short-term objectives. New Year is a time to review the momentum in attaining these established objectives.

Earnest desire explained!

Desire is a yearning to acquire a specific object or attain a certain level of achievement. Earnest financial prosperity desire is an aspiration which is kindled in the mind through imaging of the achieved goal wherein you experience pleasure and satisfaction of having achieved it now. This feeling of having achieved it already is an important daily fuel that will carry you to your destination. Desire is described as earnest when it is fed by commitment and passion; they become a powerful energy that refuse to relent under challenges.

Financial Success explained!

Financial success is defined in two ways: It is being debt free. Another view says it is being able to save money for long-term goals such as education, investing in fixed assets and retirement. The latter view is pro-active in accessing wealth and spending wisely in order to achieve sustainable financial freedom. Financial success therefore denotes a state of happiness and financial fulfillment.

Your earnest financial desire in 2016!

Education  is key for financial success!

Almost all people have some new desire to start something or improve on the existing one! If you had similar goals last year and you have not succeeded, then it is time to objectively look at the underlying reasons. There is a common saying which indicates that if you want to change your life, you must change how you think! I do believe in this view because there are people who work hard and yet do not yield positive fruits; their desires are never met! Having said that, we must remind ourselves of the formulas for success:

1.    Knowing what you want in order to recognize it when it manifest.

2.    Having positive self-worth; that poverty mentality cannot co-exist with dominion for which mankind is designed to experience on planet earth.

3.    Having confidence that you have ability to create wealth.

4.    Having knowledge about successful financial achievement and acquiring skill; thus merging it with mental commitment in following success principles.

It is noteworthy to highlight dilemmas which many of us experience in establishing financial goals:

1.    Allowing doubt that none of the family members have really experienced wealth; thus believing that it is a family destiny!

2.    Education background pertaining to finances. Everyone is given a natural gift to create wealth. Education is therefore a bonus! The important approach is finding your natural gift and designing your financial success around it.

3.    Allowing people to speak into your own dreams. You are the only one who really knows what you want and can achieve that if you do not let people tell you that it is impossible.

Taking control of your life is a personal decision and determination to be innovative in designing your own business from the given natural talents. When you look within and focus on the desired financial success you are effectively summoning positive energy on the established need or financial success desire.  Desired financial success will come to pass because concentrated energy always brings results; it is a natural law!