Taking control: The emotional cost of staying in unfulfilling relationship!

Are you happy or okay? Only you knows the honest situation! 

At the moment of birth an infant clings to its mother for basic needs – love, food, security and shelter. Throughout life these needs still determines our level of prosperity and how we experience life. Relationships are therefore a determining factor of fulfilled life.

How do we describe unfulfilling relationship!

Unfulfilling relationship lacks some of the key and essential components of intimate love such as trust, emotional and or social security, adequate communication, openness and vulnerability.

Emotional cost of unfulfilling relationship!

A relationship is a product of emotional bond of two mature people who responded positively to physical attraction and expressively or implicitly agreed to share their physical and non-physical resources.  Ideal intimate relationship thrives on effective communication of expectations of giving and receiving resources from each party and how the relationship will be managed. Often the latter is never discussed adequately from the onset and become awkward to bring up later when expectations are not met.  For clarity we will relate the story of one lady called Lorna who was overwhelmed by a gentleman who approached her; she said it was as if she was being interviewed instead of being on a first date. She dropped the man and fell for a romantic man and got married within six months. They divorced within two years; very long two years while she was considering and verifying the mixed emotions and lukewarm relationship! It is important to note that there are only two types of feelings; good or bad! Now let us see why the relationship was not fulfilling:

1.   Hiding true emotions: Shortly after the honeymoon the marital bed grew lukewarm. The communication gaps multiplied and became longer. The relationship did not have deep foundations and was shaky. She sought support in friends and her sister. She was shocked by the speed of deterioration of something that she felt will last forever! The question is; on what grounds were her marriage vows based on?

2.   Tolerating a controlling behavior: Condescending talk causes deep fear and shame. The only time Lorna communicated with the beloved husband was when she raised her concerns about a command-like statement that demanded her to give more attention to keeping his closet laundered and shoes polished. Does that sound like sharing life with a beloved wife or a hired help? Emotional abuse is intentional and shows that love has declined to below tolerance; staying in such a marriage is not healthy.

3.   Unsupportive attitude: One cold morning Lorna was running late, doing the morning chores of preparing breakfast and tidying up when she discovered that her car had a flat tyre. At that time her husband was reversing into the driveway. She waved and informed him of the situation. He muttered something about being late for a meeting and drove off. He did not call to find out how she got to work. Is that how a loving and committed spouse should treat emergency situation concerning his wife?

4.   Social and emotional insecurity: Lorna had to assess where she stood; she could not feel secure nor see her future. She had become numb with disappointment: She noticed that she had not grown emotionally or spiritually since she met her husband; she has developed low self-esteem instead. Secondly, she has become a slave in their new home; she alone had to do house chores and was not being appreciated. Thirdly, she has not been saving money; she realized with dismay that they have never really discussed their future prospects and was frightened about the holes in their relationship. Emotional red lights were flashing; she must stir her life back on course without further delays!

Unfulfilling relationship is a mistake which one must see as such and take upon self to rectify as soon as one feels is heading nowhere in terms of sharing love, trusting each other  and being supportive and committed to each other’s personal and joint goals. Taking control of your life is being honest when evaluating the nature of a relationship you have. It is honestly learning from mistakes and not being afraid to start-over a new life!

  

Taking control: Quit blaming circumstances for lack of your financial success!

Blaming is a common weakness which people engage in for not applying necessary effort to achieve a planned activity.  It is disrobing oneself of responsibility to rise above circumstances that curtail momentum of actions towards success through the conscious adjustments that accommodate internal and external opposing factors.

Blaming is disempowering self from choosing to stay afloat when negative forces derail you from chosen course.  The guiding principle is your sole determination to create you life as you see fit and to avoid modification by others so that you can make things happen without any excuses. What does this mean? It simply says; do not allow anybody to have a say on your goal.  If for an instance you are a mother and you intended to do your master degree on line, do not let anyone tell you that you will deprive your children attention they need. Rather find how you can refine your time management skills to be a good mother and a scholar at the same time.  All it takes is switching off television and other time consuming activities.  This is achievable. Here are the tips on working towards financial success:

1.   Address personal stagnation such as inability to identify important things such as continuous empowerment through reading relevant books or watching educational videos instead of television entertainment programs.

2.   Are you a people-pleaser? This is a form of low self esteem in which you seek approval through doing things for people at the expense of your resources such as time.  Help people as a part of your planned activity towards loving others with your resources.  Tune up your discerning spirit to recognize when to give matters that concern others a priority.

3.   Research on how your emotional health could curtail your progress.  Here are a few you need to know and understand:

a)   Clear all negativity.  This requires objective searching of your mind for unresolved issues.

b)   How do you view money? Do you ever give out money? Are you jealous of those who possess money?

c)    What is your motivation to have financial success? If for an example, you want money to boast or compete with your estranged espouse or partner, the universe would not allow that.  As much as you have a right to seek so that it can be given you freely, your negative motivation would not qualify you to have financial success.  You would have contravened the universal law of creating wealth.  

4.   Include excellence in the list of values that will shape who you want to become.  Have you noticed how good wealth is when it is permeated by positive energy?     

Each person is empowered to create wealth through the given talents that make it possible to earn a living. The challenge is recognizing what you are good at and drawing up a strategic plan.  There is no excuse for not going back to your drawing board and choosing to find and focus on accessing available resources for a financial success!  I encourage you to take a control of your life now; at any level or circumstances you are at, to find the launching pad for your financial success!