Taking Control: What it means to start-over on issues of relationships!

Starting over is phenomenal; if look carefully, you will know that you need one!

Starting over is a phase of repositioning and redefining your personal ideology, values and cultural beliefs systems. It is a process of assessing previous and current social, spiritual and financial conditions as well as your momentum towards perceived goal.

The underlying motives for starting over on issues of relationships!

Starting over occurs following a significant personal experience – either positive or negative – which resulted with self introspection and a moment of holistic awakening. It follows when a person experienced traumatic experiences including the following:

1.    The loss of a long-term relationship partner:  Breaking up with a long-term relationship partner whom you have invested your time, emotional vulnerability and have planned your future with.

2.    The death of significant support - parents:  The loss of parents leaves a gap which requires a person to engage in re-socialization - learning to live without unconditional support.

3.    The divorce or death of the spouse: In most cases one partner experience the gap in a profound manner. The loss of a mother or father is also traumatic to children.

4.    Catastrophic life changing incident: Accidents could render a person disabled or having to cope with changed lifestyle.

5.    Career change: Most people discover their interest later in life; such changes could require review of certain habits which would impact on quality of life in a negative or a positive way. 

How to re-socialize self on issues of relationships!

Re-socializing self denotes a deep and objective analysis of the general types of seeds you have sown and the fruits you have reaped to that end; it is one of those rare moments of truth. Introspection on the need for re-socialization of self on issues of relationships may cover the following:

1.    Missing special moments of joy: If you are starting over after a divorce, you may experience moments of embarrassment whereby you will miss and need a good side of a person who hurt you most. How ironic life could be! Such feelings may leave you with an uncomfortable feeling that maybe you did not learn to accept your partner or endure the pain long enough. The fact is, you have something good that only you can do or offer it; that is what your partner will miss!  While you cannot erase such memories, staying on them will disable you from taking action of learning to live without that person. Visit these memories; but focus in finding a new joy. Remember, you cannot find what you are not conscious of; you will not recognize it!

Life is what you make of it!

2.    Forgive yourself and find something new in you: You cannot rush over this phase of your life like you are reading a novel. Self introspection will show you the ugly part you played and the purpose is to learn from such discovery and not dwell on it.  Often it is a day of pity-partying where you will cry a lot; seeing what you could have done but your ego held you hostage and won. Change will not occur until you realize this truth and take decisive mental and emotional step forward. This is a time to seek information about human spirituality. It is time to listen to guided meditation tapes because they will unfold those well guarded emotional blemishes (defense mechanisms) which you took into the relationship and effectively ruin it. Your success is not condemning yourself, but purposefully letting go of such baggage so that you can see the new you; the powerful side of you that will enable you to ride over the storm!

3.    What has been your operating energy? The key to open a new door is ability to identify whether you have inherently been operation on negative or positive energy. The hidden term is sensitivity or insensitivity. For an example; you can live with your spouse but never dare to open your heart for fear of him rubbing salt on your emotional wounds or watering down your hurt. There are people who listen with their mind and leave their hearts out; thus missing the important part where you needed support. It is a lonely marriage and insensitive person will fail to see the yearning of the partner. It is better to find such emotional weeds and clean your inner garden before you move on because you cannot really move when you have such an emotional anchor.

4.    Changing lanes: It is also important to identify if you have been running is a fast, cluttered and noisy lane. Find a silent one! Effectively shut out anything that represented you past life and seek solitude for a period of ninety days. Psychologists believe that a person can change behavior within this period. If you want to start-over, you first need to establish this as important; only when you consistently do what it takes to transform your lifestyle will change manifest.

Starting over is a huge life-changing step and it can occur to both young and old depending of sincere decision to discover a successful life or new self!  You can only start over when you purposely listen to your inner self; this truth comes in startling but calm and convincing internal voice. A break-up could mean you have discovered incompatibility which you know will never lead you to fulfilled relationship. You may need to step out of despair of a loss and recognize that life is what you make of it; it depends on your consciousness of what you want. The key is deciding to shake off your baggage and disengaging the anchor and allowing the ship to sail. Imagine your life as your ability to read the compass so that you are able to see when you are off-route. This is your sole responsibility; no one can do it for you!